Short Funny Quotes
I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.
It’s not cheating unless you get caught.
Quitting smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I’ve done it dozens of times.
I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.
I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Avoid hangovers: stay drunk.
Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so waste your time and have the time of your life !
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
I’m knot a blonde! I’m knot, I’m knot, I’m knot!
Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.
I’ve got problem for your solution…
Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?”
Your school GPA is inversely proportionate to your girlfriend’s looks and vise versa.
Everyone has a photographic memory… some just don’t have film.
Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has enough.
All people have the right to stupidity but some abuse the privilege.
When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again ?
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you are silly….ahhaha get it? lol
The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
Too many kids and not enough ear plugs. trust no one not even ur closest friends and family.
Just wondering . . .
Is the illegal alien issue being racial or patriotic?
What do u do when the only one who can make u stop crying is the one who made you cry?
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
” I ran into my ex today…put it in reverse and did it again !!! “
THINK its not illegal yet
When life gives u lemons squeeze them in peoples eyes
Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?
Beneath every wave of laughter there is an underlying ripple of truth. Co-presidents Hillary and Bill?
if u think no one notices you and ur all alone, then try not paying the bills!!! hahaha
people want what they cant have and when they get it they dont want it anymore. practice makes perfect, but if no ones perfect, why practice?
notice that you are noticing nothing worth noticing?
When I die, I wanna go like my grandpa…peacfully…sleeping…not screaming, like the passengers in his car…
I’m an excellent housekeeper..Every time I get divorce I keep the house
Happy Valentines! I know I am early but I have a lot of sexy people to text so Im getting the ugly f**krs outta the way first! Lol
Never steal.
The government hates competition
Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.
Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped
its not illegal until you get caught
or
its not wrong unless you get caught
Come to the Darkside….,
We have cookies you can chuck at people!
what does it mean when you live on a busy street and your mom tells you to play on the road?
i don’t need hollywood,hollywood needs me
if wiseness was payable there would be no rich or poor. look at george bush or paris hilton for example.
“Life’s Tough . . . Get a Helmet!”
He who laughs, lasts.
guys are nothing just the ground we walk on!
i told myself he loved me i told my heart i loved him backed, turns out he dumped me and wants everything back!!!!
Dont cry ova him … move on and just remember that he was once urs and that will never change!
he is not worth ur time if he doesnt have the time for you!!!!
life moves on just takes awhile wen ur not with some one!!!
1f u c4n r34d 7h15, u r34lly n33d 2 g37 l41d
Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.
I dnt have an ego…i just love how awsum i am!!!