Teachers call it cheating, students call it teamwork.
The future just ain’t what it used to be.
A friend of mine said onions are the only food that could make you cry. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
True skill comes without effort.
We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? If “poli” means many, and “tics” mean bloodsucking creatures, then what does “politics” mean?
The voices in my head aren’t real…my dog told me so.
True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.
Kids born in 2000 never have to worry about forgetting how old they are.
Unicorns are real. They’re just fat and gray and we call them rhinos.
I’m not evil, I’m god with a twist. I didn’t hit you. I simply high- fived your face.
Me?? Stalk?? Nah.. I just observe.. At night… Behind a tree… Alone…
An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building and after 50 floors says, “So far so good!”
Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk & the Boy next to you took three, what would you have? Student: A Fight.
Notice: Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
I’m not shy, I’m just really good at figuring out who’s worth talking to.
We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people.
Nine out of ten people like chocolate, the tenth person always lies hehehe
I really hate cigarettes. Whenever I see one, I lit it up.
I am in shape…Round is a shape.
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