Short Funny Quotes

Unicorns are real. They’re just fat and gray and we call them rhinos.

Submitted by: Kassie

An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building and after 50 floors says, “So far so good!”

Submitted by: Rachael :)

Omg I’ve just been drinking wet cement
and now I’m completely stoned

Submitted by: iby b

I am in shape…Round is a shape.

Submitted by: Kezzer

Dear life, when I asked if my day could get any worse, it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

The first sign of madness is talking to yourself, the second sign is replying.

Submitted by: Chocolate88

Nine out of ten people like chocolate,
the tenth person always lies hehehe

Submitted by: awatea

I know the secret of life. But I can’t tell you. It’s a secret.

Submitted by: Andrew

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.

Submitted by: Mahum

People always tell you to never say never so just say I cant.

Submitted by: Ne-Ne
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The voices in my head aren’t real…my dog told me so.

Submitted by: Blayze

How to make an idiot wait????????? I will tell you later…..

Submitted by: joker321

Did you know that 8 out of 3 people don’t get fractions.

Submitted by: George

When ever I get a headache I take two tablet of aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.

When I drink alcohol…everyone says I’m alcoholic but When I drink Fanta…no one says I’m fantastic.

True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.

Submitted by: tisha ;)

He: You know.. When you weren’t here, I cried a lot.
She: Awww! How sweet!
He: Yes but those were tears of happiness!
He: Do you know why only 10 percent of women goes to heaven?
She: Why?
He: Cause if they all went , it would be called hell!
He: Hi!
She: Hi.
He: Have I seen you somewhere?
She: Yes. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.

Submitted by: Natalie

Many people bring joy in my household, some by coming, others by going…

Submitted by: Rikko

Teacher : If your friend wants to borrow $5 and you gave him $10. How much will you get in return?
Student : Nothing!
Teacher : You don’t know Maths.
Student : You don’t know my friend.

Submitted by: sweety

Drive it like you stole it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Submitted by: Reyna

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