Short Funny Quotes - Page 11

4

The closest I’ve come to murder is holding my Oreos under the milk until the bubbles stop.

Submitted by: Laughable Dancer Girl
7

My favorite text message “I will be there in 5 minutes, if not read again”.

Submitted by: Loshani Sigwadi
0

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
- Bob Hope

4

I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
- W.C. Fields

4

I never hold a grudge. As soon as I get even with the son- of- a b*tch, I forget it.
- W.C. Fields

9

It has come to my attention, that air pollution is polluting the air!
- George W. Bush

5

I don’t care what the polls say. I don’t. I’m doing what I think what’s wrong.
- George W. Bush

8

I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don’t always agree with them.
- George Bush

4

In my sentences I go where no man has gone before.
- George W. Bush

4

One of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror.
- George W. Bush

3

There’s an old saying in Tennessee – I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee – that says, fool me once, shame on – shame on you. Fool me – you can’t get fooled again.
- George W. Bush

2

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty- four.
- Mark Twain

11

I wish I had a famous persons last name so I could tell people I’m related to him/her.

Submitted by: Ava Daley
3

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.
- Charles M. Schulz

3

Reality continues to ruin my life.
- Bill Watterson

3

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
- Aesop

5

You know what I like most about people? Pets.
- Jarod Kintz

13

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
“Where’s my tractor?”

Submitted by: Anti-Joke Jamal
7

My daughter’s really into the Halloween spirit. She’s been in her pregnant lady costume for months now.

12

No matter how old or how bad a** you think you are, when a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!!

Submitted by: Bijoysarkarsam/fb.com
1

I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!
- Mark Twain

5

Forgive me my nonsense as I also forgive the nonsense of those who think they talk sense.
- Robert Frost

3

Please accept my resignation. I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
- Groucho Marx

4

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
- Groucho Marx

2

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
- Groucho Marx


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