Short Funny Quotes
Unicorns are real. They’re just fat and gray and we call them rhinos.
An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building and after 50 floors says, “So far so good!”
Omg I’ve just been drinking wet cement
and now I’m completely stoned
I am in shape…Round is a shape.
Dear life, when I asked if my day could get any worse, it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
The first sign of madness is talking to yourself, the second sign is replying.
Nine out of ten people like chocolate,
the tenth person always lies hehehe
I know the secret of life. But I can’t tell you. It’s a secret.
An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.
People always tell you to never say never so just say I cant.
The voices in my head aren’t real…my dog told me so.
How to make an idiot wait????????? I will tell you later…..
Did you know that 8 out of 3 people don’t get fractions.
When ever I get a headache I take two tablet of aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.
When I drink alcohol…everyone says I’m alcoholic but When I drink Fanta…no one says I’m fantastic.
True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.
He: You know.. When you weren’t here, I cried a lot.
She: Awww! How sweet!
He: Yes but those were tears of happiness!
He: Do you know why only 10 percent of women goes to heaven?
He: Cause if they all went , it would be called hell!
He: Have I seen you somewhere?
She: Yes. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.
Many people bring joy in my household, some by coming, others by going…
Teacher : If your friend wants to borrow $5 and you gave him $10. How much will you get in return?
Student : Nothing!
Teacher : You don’t know Maths.
Student : You don’t know my friend.
Drive it like you stole it!!!!!!!!!!!!!