Short Funny Quotes | Funny Life Quotes | Cool Funny Quotes - Page 11

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
– George Carlin

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Math problems: Jane bought 72 sofas…WHO THE HELL WOULD BUY 72 SOFAS?!

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Omg I’ve just been drinking wet cement
and now I’m completely stoned

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It is scientifically proven that people who have more birthdays live longer.

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We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.

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How to make an idiot wait????????? I will tell you later…..

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When ever I get a headache I take two tablet of aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.

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An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.

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I know the secret of life. But I can’t tell you. It’s a secret.

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People always tell you to never say never so just say I cant.

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My parents told me “You watch too much TV and should try reading more!” So I turned on the subtitles.

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He: You know.. When you weren’t here, I cried a lot.
She: Awww! How sweet!
He: Yes but those were tears of happiness!
He: Do you know why only 10 percent of women goes to heaven?
She: Why?
He: Cause if they all went , it would be called hell!
He: Hi!
She: Hi.
He: Have I seen you somewhere?
She: Yes. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.

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I’m not fat. My stomach is just in 3D.

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Many people bring joy in my household, some by coming, others by going…

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Yesterday I ran into my ex.
Then I pulled into reverse and ran over him again.

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The dumber you are, the smarter you think you are.

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After exercising I always eat a pizza…Just kidding I never exercise.

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Dude! You’re scaring me…Stop Smiling

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Drive it like you stole it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Most popular things to do in an emergency…
60% Update Facebook Status
15% Record a Video, then upload it on YouTube
15% Update Twitter Status
10% Call Emergency Services

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