Short Funny Quotes

This is my life and I don’t let others ruin it !!… I wanna do it myself :D

Submitted by: saba haghiri

Be nice to nerds, because you may end up working for one!

Submitted by: beto

There’s no half- singing in the shower, you’re either a rock star or an opera diva.

Submitted by: - Kaila

I like poetry, long walks on the beach, and poking dead things with a stick!
Why is it that when something is delivered by truck, we call it a shipment, but when it’s delivered by ship we call it cargo?

Submitted by: sara

If my room is clean, it means that my internet is not working.

If others can do it…
..let them do it…

Submitted by: g0f0

Who says common sense is common … Watching people push the door when it clearly says pull.

Submitted by: ME!!!

You either like me or you hate me, either way, you idiots still know my name.
I’m not random. I just have many thoughts I feel you should know.

Submitted by: katee

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.
Ashleigh Brilliant

Someone told me I was immature. Guess who’s not allowed in my tree house now?

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I’m still waiting for that day…

It is scientifically proven that people who have more birthdays live longer.

Cobra 1 asks cobra 2
Cobra 1 : Are we poisonous?
Cobra 2 : Why are you asking?
Cobra 1 : I think I just bit my lip.

Submitted by: Nana Quajo

If you want to look young and skinny stand next to a bunch of fat old people.

Submitted by: abby

What the heck does the “Z” in “LOLZ” mean…”Laugh Out Loud…Zebras?”

My parents told me “You watch too much TV and should try reading more!” So I turned on the subtitles.

Tell me what you need, I will tell you how to get along without it.
Never give the devil a ride, he will always want to drive.

Submitted by: Hashim

Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills.
Ambrose Bierce

The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from your birth, until you step in the exam hall.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Rodney Dangerfield

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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.
Rodney Dangerfield

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

If a robot does the robot is it still the robot or is it just dancing?
The last thing I want to do is hurt you… But it is still on my list :)

Submitted by: princess 98 ?

For all people who make me laugh : Thank you.

Fact of life after Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF!!!

Submitted by: nida

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