Short Funny Quotes - Page 12

3

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
Aesop

5

You know what I like most about people? Pets.
Jarod Kintz

13

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
“Where’s my tractor?”

Submitted by: Anti-Joke Jamal
7

My daughter’s really into the Halloween spirit. She’s been in her pregnant lady costume for months now.

15

No matter how old or how bad a** you think you are, when a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!!

Submitted by: Bijoysarkarsam/fb.com
2

I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!
Mark Twain

5

Forgive me my nonsense as I also forgive the nonsense of those who think they talk sense.
Robert Frost

3

Please accept my resignation. I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
Groucho Marx

4

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
Groucho Marx

2

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
Groucho Marx

12

A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx

22

Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
Groucho Marx

10

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
Groucho Marx

4

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
Groucho Marx

5

Do not let the negativity of another live rent free inside your head.

Submitted by: Jess
15

Someone asked me where I was born, I said the local hospital!

Submitted by: Zach
7

I always lie. Trust me.

Submitted by: AlexL
8

1f you c4n r34d th15 you r3411y n33d 2 g3t l41d f45t.

Submitted by: James
5

They all say when life gives you lemons you make lemonade. But then we’d all have a sour lemonade.

Submitted by: Cheesy Biscuit
6

I don’t understand why funeral has the word “Fun” in it.

Submitted by: Skyler Fisher
4

I saw a bug then I thought of you so I stepped on it.

Submitted by: :)Skyler(:
41

If life gives you lemons. Eat carrots.

Submitted by: Naila Boo
1

The guy who invented the wheel is an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, now he is the genius!!

Submitted by: Sooz
6

Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on the roll. B- ) or you’re taking cr*p from some a**hole. (:

Submitted by: Britney Spykerman
2

How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
– Have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses?

Submitted by: geetha

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