Short Funny Quotes - Page 12
Someone asked me where I was born, I said the local hospital!
I always lie. Trust me.
1f you c4n r34d th15 you r3411y n33d 2 g3t l41d f45t.
They all say when life gives you lemons you make lemonade. But then we’d all have a sour lemonade.
I don’t understand why funeral has the word “Fun” in it.
I saw a bug then I thought of you so I stepped on it.
If life gives you lemons. Eat carrots.
The guy who invented the wheel is an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, now he is the genius!!
Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on the roll. B- ) or you’re taking cr*p from some a**hole. (:
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
- Have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses?
See the thing about Chuck Norris’ third fist, under his beard, it’s actually was his choice to have a 3rd arm instead of a third leg.
People say “Speed kills”, they are wrong.
It’s the sudden stop that kills.
Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it most…don’t use it.
Have you ever noticed that studying is a combination of student and dying.
I’m no cactus expert, but I know a prick when I see one.
Do unto other, before they do it to you.
Some see the glass as half empty, others see it as half full, but I am just wondering who the hell is drinking my beer.
When my boss said “You’ve been late for the 5th time!” I thought to myself, “Yay! It’s Friday!”
Pshh. You call that a backflip? Here hold my beer.
My brothers and sisters all hated me cos I was an only child.
Got back from grocery store. Reading the ingredients I noticed:
The lemonade was made with artificial flavoring.
But the dish soap was made with real lemons.
I’m so cool, ice cubes get jealous.
If I melt dry ice and I swam in it, I wouldn’t get wet?
If I’m doing God’s work, then what is God doing?
It’s okay dude we can be loners together.
I just licked your face so now I own it.
Wigs are made of your hair that gets caught in the drain.
What language do deaf people think in?