Short Funny Quotes

Most popular things to do in an emergency…
60% Update Facebook Status
15% Record a Video, then upload it on YouTube
15% Update Twitter Status
10% Call Emergency Services

Submitted by: Captain Munch

Dude! You’re scaring me…Stop Smiling

Submitted by: Lynsie

Sipho : Dr I have a problem of forgetting.
Dr : When did the problem start?
Sipho : Which problem?

Submitted by: Victor

Maybe life should stop giving lemons… It just gives people ideas on what to do with it.

Submitted by: kinchotaret

When a girl cancels a date she cancels it because she has to…But when a boy cancels a date he cancels it because he has two.

Submitted by: shubh

I’m on a seafood diet.. I see food and then I eat it.

Submitted by: Karen V :D

Do it today, it might be illegal tomorrow.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Submitted by: passionberry

I was good at math before they decided to mix the alphabet in it.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
George Carlin

Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk & the Boy next to you took three, what would you have?
Student: A Fight.

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Wifes are like dictionary…for one word it has many meanings…

Submitted by: larry

When someone says everything happens for a reason, I’d like to smack them and say, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

What do you call a cow during an earthquake?
Milkshake

Submitted by: ameago

Meaning of CLASS:
C => Come
L => Late
A => And
S => Start
S => Sleeping… Many of them don’t know the exact meaning.

Submitted by: AJ 619 LEGENDKILLER

A friend of mine said onions are the only food that could make you cry. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.

We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people.

If you must lie, be brief.

Submitted by: Darby Gloria

I love it when I buy a bag of air & the company is nice enough to put some chips in.

Education is what you get from reading the small print. Experience is what you get from not reading it.
A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the word you first thought of.
A mother’s menu consists of two choices: Take it or leave it.

Submitted by: jaza

If you expect the unexpcted, then isn’t the unexpected the expected?!

Submitted by: katie

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