Short Funny Quotes
This is my life and I don’t let others ruin it !!… I wanna do it myself :D
Be nice to nerds, because you may end up working for one!
There’s no half- singing in the shower, you’re either a rock star or an opera diva.
I like poetry, long walks on the beach, and poking dead things with a stick!
Why is it that when something is delivered by truck, we call it a shipment, but when it’s delivered by ship we call it cargo?
If my room is clean, it means that my internet is not working.
If others can do it…
..let them do it…
Who says common sense is common … Watching people push the door when it clearly says pull.
You either like me or you hate me, either way, you idiots still know my name.
I’m not random. I just have many thoughts I feel you should know.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.
– Ashleigh Brilliant
Someone told me I was immature. Guess who’s not allowed in my tree house now?
I’m still waiting for that day…
It is scientifically proven that people who have more birthdays live longer.
Cobra 1 asks cobra 2
Cobra 1 : Are we poisonous?
Cobra 2 : Why are you asking?
Cobra 1 : I think I just bit my lip.
If you want to look young and skinny stand next to a bunch of fat old people.
What the heck does the “Z” in “LOLZ” mean…”Laugh Out Loud…Zebras?”
My parents told me “You watch too much TV and should try reading more!” So I turned on the subtitles.
Tell me what you need, I will tell you how to get along without it.
Never give the devil a ride, he will always want to drive.
Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills.
– Ambrose Bierce
The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from your birth, until you step in the exam hall.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
– Rodney Dangerfield
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.
– Rodney Dangerfield
I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.
If a robot does the robot is it still the robot or is it just dancing?
The last thing I want to do is hurt you… But it is still on my list :)
For all people who make me laugh : Thank you.
Fact of life after Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF!!!