Short Funny Quotes
Most popular things to do in an emergency…
60% Update Facebook Status
15% Record a Video, then upload it on YouTube
15% Update Twitter Status
10% Call Emergency Services
Dude! You’re scaring me…Stop Smiling
Sipho : Dr I have a problem of forgetting.
Dr : When did the problem start?
Sipho : Which problem?
Maybe life should stop giving lemons… It just gives people ideas on what to do with it.
When a girl cancels a date she cancels it because she has to…But when a boy cancels a date he cancels it because he has two.
I’m on a seafood diet.. I see food and then I eat it.
Do it today, it might be illegal tomorrow.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
I was good at math before they decided to mix the alphabet in it.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
– George Carlin
Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk & the Boy next to you took three, what would you have?
Student: A Fight.
Wifes are like dictionary…for one word it has many meanings…
When someone says everything happens for a reason, I’d like to smack them and say, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
What do you call a cow during an earthquake?
Meaning of CLASS:
C => Come
L => Late
A => And
S => Start
S => Sleeping… Many of them don’t know the exact meaning.
A friend of mine said onions are the only food that could make you cry. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people.
If you must lie, be brief.
I love it when I buy a bag of air & the company is nice enough to put some chips in.
Education is what you get from reading the small print. Experience is what you get from not reading it.
A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the word you first thought of.
A mother’s menu consists of two choices: Take it or leave it.
If you expect the unexpcted, then isn’t the unexpected the expected?!