Short Funny Quotes

If I’m not back in 5 minutes… Wait longer..
Why do we kill people who kill people to show that killing people is wrong?
Everybody makes mistakes.. The trick is making em when nobody is around..
When life hands you lemons… Make apple cider.. Then sit back and have everyone wondering how you did it.

Submitted by: MiMi BaBiI

People have told me to never say never – they broke their own rule!

Submitted by: Carla

If you have something to say, please raise your hand and place it over your mouth.

Submitted by: Aniqa

Why is there no egg in eggplant and no ham in hamburger?

Submitted by: win_ringette

If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving is not for you.

Submitted by: Adrian

QUICK!! What’s the number for 911!!!
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Submitted by: Deanna

L.O.L has gone from meaning laugh out loud to I have nothing else to say.
Pandas are the least racist..they’re black, white, and Asian
Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver, blue, purple, orange and all those other colors now.
I’m afraid of my mailman……..he knows where I live!!

Submitted by: SUmmy

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin

Funny Quote: Think of how stupid the average person...

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That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
George Carlin

Funny Quote: That’s why they call it the American...

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Life: Besides gravity, nothing keeps me down.

Funny Quote: Life: Besides gravity, nothing keeps me down.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
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