Short Funny Quotes - Page 12

11

Someone asked me where I was born, I said the local hospital!

Submitted by: Zach
6

I always lie. Trust me.

Submitted by: AlexL
8

1f you c4n r34d th15 you r3411y n33d 2 g3t l41d f45t.

Submitted by: James
5

They all say when life gives you lemons you make lemonade. But then we’d all have a sour lemonade.

Submitted by: Cheesy Biscuit
3

I don’t understand why funeral has the word “Fun” in it.

Submitted by: Skyler Fisher
4

I saw a bug then I thought of you so I stepped on it.

Submitted by: :)Skyler(:
26

If life gives you lemons. Eat carrots.

Submitted by: Naila Boo
1

The guy who invented the wheel is an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, now he is the genius!!

Submitted by: Sooz
4

Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on the roll. B- ) or you’re taking cr*p from some a**hole. (:

Submitted by: Britney Spykerman
2

How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
- Have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses?

Submitted by: geetha
6

See the thing about Chuck Norris’ third fist, under his beard, it’s actually was his choice to have a 3rd arm instead of a third leg.

Submitted by: I am charmender
3

People say “Speed kills”, they are wrong.
It’s the sudden stop that kills.

Submitted by: Wesley
2

Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it most…don’t use it.

Submitted by: Pat MA hiney
1

Have you ever noticed that studying is a combination of student and dying.

Submitted by: keerthi
2

I’m no cactus expert, but I know a prick when I see one.

Submitted by: Ibanez Temoni
5

Do unto other, before they do it to you.

Submitted by: Jeff Abrera
3

Some see the glass as half empty, others see it as half full, but I am just wondering who the hell is drinking my beer.

Submitted by: Lavee Dhama
2

When my boss said “You’ve been late for the 5th time!” I thought to myself, “Yay! It’s Friday!”

Submitted by: Peacfulimcute
3

Pshh. You call that a backflip? Here hold my beer.

Submitted by: The name's Uncle Ruckus... No relation
3

My brothers and sisters all hated me cos I was an only child.

Submitted by: Dom
2

Got back from grocery store. Reading the ingredients I noticed:
The lemonade was made with artificial flavoring.
But the dish soap was made with real lemons.

Submitted by: oicu812
7

I’m so cool, ice cubes get jealous.

Submitted by: Aly
4

If I melt dry ice and I swam in it, I wouldn’t get wet?

Submitted by: scott boii
9

If I’m doing God’s work, then what is God doing?

Submitted by: funny girl
3

It’s okay dude we can be loners together.
I just licked your face so now I own it.
Wigs are made of your hair that gets caught in the drain.
What language do deaf people think in?

Submitted by: Ciara

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