Short Funny Quotes

I would agree with you if you were right

Submitted by: cmd

Don’t do drugs kids. There’s a time and place for everything. It’s called college.

The universe contains protons, neutrons, electrons and morons.

Submitted by: Lexy

Everybody’s has a boyfriend or a girlfriend and I’m just like “I love food”.

Submitted by: Pritty

Dogs think: People love me, feed me, pet me, they must be God.
Cats think: People love me, feed me, pet me, I must be God.

Submitted by: Jenny

The future just ain’t what it used to be.

Submitted by: Rockymtnguy

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.
– Leo J. Burke

True skill comes without effort.

Submitted by: Longfellow

I’m not evil, I’m god with a twist.
I didn’t hit you. I simply high- fived your face.

Submitted by: Sara

Dont face your problem if the problem is your FACE hehehe

Submitted by: Lyka

Laughter is the best medicine but if you laugh for no reason, you need medicine.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If “poli” means many, and “tics” mean bloodsucking creatures, then what does “politics” mean?

Submitted by: Laura

Teachers call it cheating, students call it teamwork.

Submitted by: Lindsey

My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.

Submitted by: dave title

An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building and after 50 floors says, “So far so good!”

Submitted by: Rachael :)

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