Short Funny Quotes - Page 13
Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform?
If you expect the unexpcted, then isn’t the unexpected the expected?!
My Reality Check bounced.
Smile and the world smiles with you.
Laugh and they’ll think your on drugs.
If the world really ends in 2012, I wasted my whole life in school.
Can you cry under water?
Do fishes ever get thirsty?
Why don’t birds fall off trees when they sleep?
When they say dogs food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Why does round pizza come in a square box?
Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle?
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
When I have children I am going to make them watch the movie 2012 and tell them I survived that like a Boss!
Diplomacy is telling someone to “Go to Hell” in such a way, that they look forward to taking the trip.
Quit asking us to find your ‘x’, she’s not coming back!
P.S. And don’t ask me ‘y’ either.
Why don’t you ever see Cupid with a girlfriend?
Good girls are bad girls who never get caught.
I haven’t lost it. I just misplaced it…somewhere on this planet.
When you get old and your kids ask
where all the money went, show
them the vacation videos.
When life gives you lemons say “Screw you” And go find an orange.
Everything comes out right in the end, and if it isnt right, it isnt the end.
Me?? Stalk?? Nah.. I just observe.. At night… Behind a tree… Alone…
Technology made life easy, Humans lazy.
There’s no half- singing in the shower, you’re either a rock star or an opera diva.
Sleep till you’re hungry, eat till you’re sleepy
“The pen is mightier than the sword.”
Really? Can I stab you with a sword, you stab me with a pen and we’ll see who survives?