Short Funny Quotes - Page 13

8

See the thing about Chuck Norris’ third fist, under his beard, it’s actually was his choice to have a 3rd arm instead of a third leg.

Submitted by: I am charmender
5

People say “Speed kills”, they are wrong.
It’s the sudden stop that kills.

Submitted by: Wesley
2

Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it most…don’t use it.

Submitted by: Pat MA hiney
1

Have you ever noticed that studying is a combination of student and dying.

Submitted by: keerthi
170

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.

Funny Quote: An apple a day keeps the doctor...

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Submitted by: sammie
3

I’m no cactus expert, but I know a prick when I see one.

Submitted by: Ibanez Temoni
6

Do unto other, before they do it to you.

Submitted by: Jeff Abrera
2

Some see the glass as half empty, others see it as half full, but I am just wondering who the hell is drinking my beer.

Submitted by: Lavee Dhama
2

When my boss said “You’ve been late for the 5th time!” I thought to myself, “Yay! It’s Friday!”

Submitted by: Peacfulimcute
4

Pshh. You call that a backflip? Here hold my beer.

Submitted by: The name's Uncle Ruckus... No relation
7

My brothers and sisters all hated me cos I was an only child.

Submitted by: Dom
2

Got back from grocery store. Reading the ingredients I noticed:
The lemonade was made with artificial flavoring.
But the dish soap was made with real lemons.

Submitted by: oicu812
10

I’m so cool, ice cubes get jealous.

Submitted by: Aly
5

If I melt dry ice and I swam in it, I wouldn’t get wet?

Submitted by: scott boii
9

If I’m doing God’s work, then what is God doing?

Submitted by: funny girl
3

It’s okay dude we can be loners together.
I just licked your face so now I own it.
Wigs are made of your hair that gets caught in the drain.
What language do deaf people think in?

Submitted by: Ciara
8

Do a fish ever gets thirsty?

Submitted by: parth
4

Welcome to the ool notice there’s no p in it lets keep it that way.

Submitted by: elisheva
4

It has reached a point in life that it’s an expense to just get out of bed in the morning and will cost you more if you stay there.

Submitted by: Ray Lewis
6

When life gives you lemons, trade them for chocolate. Chip cookies!

Submitted by: straydog
3

I do 5 sit- ups a day. It may seem like a small amount but there’s only so many times you can hit the snooze button.
I meed to stop saying, “How stupid can you be?” because people are starting to take it as a challenge!.

Submitted by: IRockLikeARockstar
2

Age and wisdom don’t necessarily go together… Some people just become stupid with more authority.

Submitted by: stephanie
8

If life gives you lemons. Open a lemon shop!

Submitted by: AlexRiley:D
7

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Submitted by: In case you didn't notice...
6

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Submitted by: Lexi

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