Short Funny Quotes - Page 13
See the thing about Chuck Norris’ third fist, under his beard, it’s actually was his choice to have a 3rd arm instead of a third leg.
People say “Speed kills”, they are wrong.
It’s the sudden stop that kills.
Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it most…don’t use it.
Have you ever noticed that studying is a combination of student and dying.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.
I’m no cactus expert, but I know a prick when I see one.
Do unto other, before they do it to you.
Some see the glass as half empty, others see it as half full, but I am just wondering who the hell is drinking my beer.
When my boss said “You’ve been late for the 5th time!” I thought to myself, “Yay! It’s Friday!”
Pshh. You call that a backflip? Here hold my beer.
My brothers and sisters all hated me cos I was an only child.
Got back from grocery store. Reading the ingredients I noticed:
The lemonade was made with artificial flavoring.
But the dish soap was made with real lemons.
I’m so cool, ice cubes get jealous.
If I melt dry ice and I swam in it, I wouldn’t get wet?
If I’m doing God’s work, then what is God doing?
It’s okay dude we can be loners together.
I just licked your face so now I own it.
Wigs are made of your hair that gets caught in the drain.
What language do deaf people think in?
Do a fish ever gets thirsty?
Welcome to the ool notice there’s no p in it lets keep it that way.
It has reached a point in life that it’s an expense to just get out of bed in the morning and will cost you more if you stay there.
When life gives you lemons, trade them for chocolate. Chip cookies!
I do 5 sit- ups a day. It may seem like a small amount but there’s only so many times you can hit the snooze button.
I meed to stop saying, “How stupid can you be?” because people are starting to take it as a challenge!.
Age and wisdom don’t necessarily go together… Some people just become stupid with more authority.
If life gives you lemons. Open a lemon shop!
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?