Short Funny Quotes
Heaven doesn’t want me…and hell is too scared I’ll take over.
When cheese gets it’s picture taken what does it say?
I turned my phone onto “Airplane mode” and threw it up into the air. Worst Transformer Ever.
If our women with babies use little spoons and forks to feed them. What do Chinese people use? Tooth picks?
Push can get you almost anywere, exept through a door marked ‘pull’.
Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year.
Stop waiting for Prince Charming. Get up and find him. The poor idiot may be stuck in a tree or something.
Anti-Pick Up Lines:
He: Can I buy you a drink?
She: Actually, I’d rather have the money.
He: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
She: Sorry. I am having a headache this weekend.
He: Go on. Don’t be shy. Ask me out.
She: Okay. Go out.
He: I think I could make you very happy.
She: Why? Are you leaving?
He: Shall we go see a movie?
She: I have already seen it.
He: Where have you been all my life?
She: Hiding from you.
He: Haven’t I seen you some place before?
She: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.
If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot!
Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly.