Short Funny Quotes - Page 13

5

Forgive me my nonsense as I also forgive the nonsense of those who think they talk sense.
Robert Frost

6

Please accept my resignation. I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
Groucho Marx

5

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
Groucho Marx

5

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
Groucho Marx

17

A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx

29

Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
Groucho Marx

10

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
Groucho Marx

5

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
Groucho Marx

5

Do not let the negativity of another live rent free inside your head.

Submitted by: Jess
16

Someone asked me where I was born, I said the local hospital!

Submitted by: Zach
8

I always lie. Trust me.

Submitted by: AlexL
11

1f you c4n r34d th15 you r3411y n33d 2 g3t l41d f45t.

Submitted by: James
9

They all say when life gives you lemons you make lemonade. But then we’d all have a sour lemonade.

Submitted by: Cheesy Biscuit
6

I don’t understand why funeral has the word “Fun” in it.

Submitted by: Skyler Fisher
7

I saw a bug then I thought of you so I stepped on it.

Submitted by: :)Skyler(:
57

If life gives you lemons. Eat carrots.

Submitted by: Naila Boo
2

The guy who invented the wheel is an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, now he is the genius!!

Submitted by: Sooz
9

Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on the roll. B- ) or you’re taking cr*p from some a**hole. (:

Submitted by: Britney Spykerman
4

How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
– Have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses?

Submitted by: geetha
9

See the thing about Chuck Norris’ third fist, under his beard, it’s actually was his choice to have a 3rd arm instead of a third leg.

Submitted by: I am charmender
6

People say “Speed kills”, they are wrong.
It’s the sudden stop that kills.

Submitted by: Wesley
2

Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it most…don’t use it.

Submitted by: Pat MA hiney
1

Have you ever noticed that studying is a combination of student and dying.

Submitted by: keerthi
173

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.

Funny Quote: An apple a day keeps the doctor...

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Submitted by: sammie
4

I’m no cactus expert, but I know a prick when I see one.

Submitted by: Ibanez Temoni

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