Short Funny Quotes

How to make an idiot wait????????? I will tell you later…..

Submitted by: joker321

He: You know.. When you weren’t here, I cried a lot.
She: Awww! How sweet!
He: Yes but those were tears of happiness!
He: Do you know why only 10 percent of women goes to heaven?
She: Why?
He: Cause if they all went , it would be called hell!
He: Hi!
She: Hi.
He: Have I seen you somewhere?
She: Yes. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.

Submitted by: Natalie

Many people bring joy in my household, some by coming, others by going…

Submitted by: Rikko

True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.

Submitted by: tisha ;)

Dude! You’re scaring me…Stop Smiling

Submitted by: Lynsie

Teacher : If your friend wants to borrow $5 and you gave him $10. How much will you get in return?
Student : Nothing!
Teacher : You don’t know Maths.
Student : You don’t know my friend.

Submitted by: sweety

Drive it like you stole it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Submitted by: Reyna

When ever I get a headache I take two tablet of aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.

Math teacher: I have 5 bottles in one hand, and 6 in the other. What do I have? Student: A drinking problem.

Most popular things to do in an emergency…
60% Update Facebook Status
15% Record a Video, then upload it on YouTube
15% Update Twitter Status
10% Call Emergency Services

Submitted by: Captain Munch

Sipho : Dr I have a problem of forgetting.
Dr : When did the problem start?
Sipho : Which problem?

Submitted by: Victor

Maybe life should stop giving lemons… It just gives people ideas on what to do with it.

Submitted by: kinchotaret

When I drink alcohol…everyone says I’m alcoholic but When I drink Fanta…no one says I’m fantastic.

Do it today, it might be illegal tomorrow.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Submitted by: passionberry

I’m on a seafood diet.. I see food and then I eat it.

Submitted by: Karen V :D

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