Short Funny Quotes

The voices in my head aren’t real…my dog told me so.

Submitted by: Blayze

How to make an idiot wait????????? I will tell you later…..

Submitted by: joker321

True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.

Submitted by: tisha ;)

Childhood is like being drunk, everyone remembers what you did, except you.

Submitted by: Ronak Mota

He: You know.. When you weren’t here, I cried a lot.
She: Awww! How sweet!
He: Yes but those were tears of happiness!
He: Do you know why only 10 percent of women goes to heaven?
She: Why?
He: Cause if they all went , it would be called hell!
He: Hi!
She: Hi.
He: Have I seen you somewhere?
She: Yes. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.

Submitted by: Natalie

Many people bring joy in my household, some by coming, others by going…

Submitted by: Rikko

When ever I get a headache I take two tablet of aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.

Teacher : If your friend wants to borrow $5 and you gave him $10. How much will you get in return?
Student : Nothing!
Teacher : You don’t know Maths.
Student : You don’t know my friend.

Submitted by: sweety

Dude! You’re scaring me…Stop Smiling

Submitted by: Lynsie

Drive it like you stole it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Submitted by: Reyna

Most popular things to do in an emergency…
60% Update Facebook Status
15% Record a Video, then upload it on YouTube
15% Update Twitter Status
10% Call Emergency Services

Submitted by: Captain Munch

When I drink alcohol…everyone says I’m alcoholic but When I drink Fanta…no one says I’m fantastic.

Sipho : Dr I have a problem of forgetting.
Dr : When did the problem start?
Sipho : Which problem?

Submitted by: Victor

Maybe life should stop giving lemons… It just gives people ideas on what to do with it.

Submitted by: kinchotaret

Do it today, it might be illegal tomorrow.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Submitted by: passionberry

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