Short Funny Quotes

When I drink alcohol…everyone says I’m alcoholic but When I drink Fanta…no one says I’m fantastic.

Did you know that 8 out of 3 people don’t get fractions.

Submitted by: George

The voices in my head aren’t real…my dog told me so.

Submitted by: Blayze

How to make an idiot wait????????? I will tell you later…..

Submitted by: joker321

When ever I get a headache I take two tablet of aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.

True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.

Submitted by: tisha ;)

He: You know.. When you weren’t here, I cried a lot.
She: Awww! How sweet!
He: Yes but those were tears of happiness!
He: Do you know why only 10 percent of women goes to heaven?
She: Why?
He: Cause if they all went , it would be called hell!
He: Hi!
She: Hi.
He: Have I seen you somewhere?
She: Yes. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.

Submitted by: Natalie
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Many people bring joy in my household, some by coming, others by going…

Submitted by: Rikko

Teacher : If your friend wants to borrow $5 and you gave him $10. How much will you get in return?
Student : Nothing!
Teacher : You don’t know Maths.
Student : You don’t know my friend.

Submitted by: sweety

Drive it like you stole it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Submitted by: Reyna

Most popular things to do in an emergency…
60% Update Facebook Status
15% Record a Video, then upload it on YouTube
15% Update Twitter Status
10% Call Emergency Services

Submitted by: Captain Munch

Dude! You’re scaring me…Stop Smiling

Submitted by: Lynsie
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Sipho : Dr I have a problem of forgetting.
Dr : When did the problem start?
Sipho : Which problem?

Submitted by: Victor

Maybe life should stop giving lemons… It just gives people ideas on what to do with it.

Submitted by: kinchotaret

When a girl cancels a date she cancels it because she has to…But when a boy cancels a date he cancels it because he has two.

Submitted by: shubh

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