Short Funny Quotes - Page 15
Today I sweated more than lady gaga would when she’s trying to make a gospel album.
Virginity is not a dignity but a lack of opportunity.
In 1st grade when someone was in an argument the solution was to say sorry. Now that you’re in 11th grade, the solution is to transfer schools.
A criminal is not sorry for committing the crime, but he is very sorry that he is going to jail.
Years from now we’ll look back on this and laugh. If we’re out of jail by then.
HAS ANYONE SEEN MY CAPSLOCK?!!
I feel like a pelican, no matter which way I turn, there is always a huge bill in front of my face.
When you get a deep cut, you get worried when you start bleeding. I would be more worried if it didn’t start to bleed actually.
A treehouse doesn’t have a kitchen, a bedroom, a hallway, a bathroom, a porch, doors, or even a chimney, so please. Just call it a tree box.
When curiosity sees a bright red button that says “Don’t push”, it only reads the second word.
If Mickey is a mouse, Minnie is a mouse, Donald is a duck, goofy is a dog, then what the heck is going on with Pluto? Is Mickey keeping a mentally handicapped guy as a pet?
What did the stop light say to the car?
Don’t look I’m changing.
Some say the glass is half empty, some say half full, while they are arguing, I get a refill.
When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade, plant a freaking tree.
Sometimes I just stop and think, “Where the hell am I?”
The amount of people that confuse “to” and “too” is amazing two me.
Quit asking us to find your ‘x’, she’s not coming back!
P.S. And don’t ask me ‘y’ either.
When life gives you lemons, squirt the juice in Justin Bieber’s eyes and run.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It don’t matter he ain’t coming!!
It’s not the miles that wears you down, it’s the pebble in your shoe.
I talk to myself cos I prefer talking to a better class of people.;- )
Who says I can’t fix things. Gimme a duct tape!
Bad Spellers – UNTIE!!
Predictive texting socks.
In the beginning, God created idiots. This was for practice. Then he created customer service.
If there is a golden rule then is there a silver and bronze rule?
Wal- mart… do they like make walls there?
I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman.
– Arnold Schwarzenegger