Short Funny Quotes - Page 16

11

When I smile the world smiles with me, when I laugh everybody thinks I’m mad.

Submitted by: Cora
13

If you must lie, be brief.

Submitted by: Darby Gloria
19

Hang in there like a hair in a a biscuit!

Submitted by: Ashley
7

To be old and wise you first must be young and stupid, that’s my excuse.

Submitted by: Honey
7

Cousin: Why are you so lazy?
Me: I’m not lazy I’m just saving my energy.

Submitted by: vanessa
11

Think if man evolved from monkeys then why do we still have monkeys?

Submitted by: Himanshew kagz
9

Every time I meet the girl of my dreams someone wakes me up.

Submitted by: anonymous
6

Who is dumber:
The one who actually made the bro code into a book… Or… The one who buys it on the internet?

Submitted by: soccer swag
7

Pans…can be used as weapons or shields.

Submitted by: mattie posted it but timber wrote it
5

I love sweet people, they taste good.

Submitted by: Culinary student
10

Spoons…bowls with handles.

Submitted by: mattie posted it but timber wrote it
7

I’m as single as a dollar and I’m not looking for change.:)

Submitted by: Bri
8

If someone asks, why is it so hot in here? Say, Okay I’ll get out if you want.

Submitted by: anynomus
41

If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving is not for you.

Funny Quote: If at first you don’t succeed, then...

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Submitted by: Adrian
28

When life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into water guns and squirt people in the eyes.

Submitted by: Danielle
8

He said: A girlfriend is like coffee. You throw her if it’s no longer hot.
She said: A boyfriend is like liquor. You throw up if you can no longer take it.

Submitted by: rexie
15

I lost one hundred and thirty pounds … But I don’t miss my wife anymore.

Submitted by: jeremy Garcia
26

The patient dog eats the fattest bone…who eats the meat? The fastest dog of course!

Submitted by: tsar
14

Change is inevitable… Except from vending machines.

Submitted by: Alexa
19

I don’t care if the glass is half empty or half full…because I’m not thirsty anymore.

Submitted by: MeMyselfAnI
13

If you have something to say, please raise your hand and place it over your mouth.

Submitted by: Aniqa
9

I’m not afraid of death, I just don’t wanna be there when it happens.

Submitted by: trueblue
26

I don’t keep track of time. Time keeps track of me.

Submitted by: Nathan
12

I’ll admit I’m hot, but don’t blame me for global warming.

Submitted by: Nicole
9

Are you free this weekend?… No, I’ll be expensive.

Submitted by: Peter

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