Short Funny Quotes

I was good at math before they decided to mix the alphabet in it.

Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk & the Boy next to you took three, what would you have?
Student: A Fight.

Do it today, it might be illegal tomorrow.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Submitted by: passionberry

When a girl cancels a date she cancels it because she has to…But when a boy cancels a date he cancels it because he has two.

Submitted by: shubh

We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people.

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Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
Winston Churchill

I’m on a seafood diet.. I see food and then I eat it.

Submitted by: Karen V :D

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
George Carlin

Wifes are like dictionary…for one word it has many meanings…

Submitted by: larry

Meaning of CLASS:
C => Come
L => Late
A => And
S => Start
S => Sleeping… Many of them don’t know the exact meaning.

Submitted by: AJ 619 LEGENDKILLER

When someone says everything happens for a reason, I’d like to smack them and say, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

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What do you call a cow during an earthquake?
Milkshake

Submitted by: ameago

A friend of mine said onions are the only food that could make you cry. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.

If you must lie, be brief.

Submitted by: Darby Gloria

Education is what you get from reading the small print. Experience is what you get from not reading it.
A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the word you first thought of.
A mother’s menu consists of two choices: Take it or leave it.

Submitted by: jaza

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