Short Funny Quotes

Do it today, it might be illegal tomorrow.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Submitted by: passionberry

When a girl cancels a date she cancels it because she has to…But when a boy cancels a date he cancels it because he has two.

Submitted by: shubh

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
George Carlin

Wifes are like dictionary…for one word it has many meanings…

Submitted by: larry

When someone says everything happens for a reason, I’d like to smack them and say, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

I was good at math before they decided to mix the alphabet in it.

What do you call a cow during an earthquake?
Milkshake

Submitted by: ameago

Meaning of CLASS:
C => Come
L => Late
A => And
S => Start
S => Sleeping… Many of them don’t know the exact meaning.

Submitted by: AJ 619 LEGENDKILLER

Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk & the Boy next to you took three, what would you have?
Student: A Fight.

If you must lie, be brief.

Submitted by: Darby Gloria

Education is what you get from reading the small print. Experience is what you get from not reading it.
A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the word you first thought of.
A mother’s menu consists of two choices: Take it or leave it.

Submitted by: jaza

A friend of mine said onions are the only food that could make you cry. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.

We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people.

If you expect the unexpcted, then isn’t the unexpected the expected?!

Submitted by: katie

Some people are wise, some are otherwise.

Submitted by: Azrael

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