Short Funny Quotes - Page 17


I’m not afraid of death, I just don’t wanna be there when it happens.

Submitted by: trueblue

I don’t keep track of time. Time keeps track of me.

Submitted by: Nathan

I’ll admit I’m hot, but don’t blame me for global warming.

Submitted by: Nicole

Are you free this weekend?… No, I’ll be expensive.

Submitted by: Peter

Is stupid making me drugs?

Submitted by: Spacekat

Curiosity killed the cat…luckily I’m not a cat.

Submitted by: KnowsAllTellsNone

Books have knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, crime doesn’t pay. So, if you keep on reading, you’ll go broke. See what I’m sayin’ here?

Submitted by: Capri

Don’t try to be different, just be good. Because now a days just being good is different enough.

Submitted by: Shreyansh1512

The amount of money that is in your bank at the time of death, is the extra work you did which wasn’t necessary.

Submitted by: Shreyansh1512

If at first you don’t succeed, give up and let someone else do it.
If in doubt, Google it.

Submitted by: Jessica

Vegetarian is Indian for “lousy hunter”.

Submitted by: Rachel

Orange Juice+Orange Juice = Lots of Orange Juice
I have Skin. A potato has skin. Therefore I am a Potato.

Submitted by: Mia

Who invented Mondays, I’d like to have a word with him.

Submitted by: Ezzard

Hitting the gym to release stress is not nearly as effective as hitting the people that cause the stress to begin with.

Submitted by: Ezzard

Whoever said words don’t hurt never got hit in the head with a dictionary.

Submitted by: MrCoolGuy

When I get the urge to clean the house… I lay down till it passes.

Submitted by: crazybrandi

So why does when the bride throw the flowers the one who catch it will be the next one to get married.. Why don’t they try to throw the flowers for the dead to know who’ll die next.

Submitted by: @voidfaces_rocks

Interesting confusions:
Can you cry under water?
Do fishes ever get thirsty?
Why don’t birds fall off trees when they sleep?
When they say dogs food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Why does round pizza come in a square box?
Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle?

Submitted by: red sunny

How can the world end in 2012l when we have yogurt that expires in 2013?

Submitted by: Sydnee

Don’t Trust WWW ;- Work,Weather and Women.

Submitted by: Bob-E

Common sense is the least common of all senses.

Submitted by: Evokethefirewithin

I love my girlfriend, but my wife doesn’t.

Submitted by: T STAR

Actions speak louder than text messages.

Submitted by: TNABigRiz

Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
I know it all; I just can’t remember it simultaneously.
I like the way your mind malfunctions.
I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message…
If all else fails, lower your standards.
I never give people hell. I just tell them the truth and they think its hell.
I no longer fear hell – I’ve worked in Retail.
I’m lost. I’ve gone to look for myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait.
If all else fails, read the directions.
If at first you don’t succeed, change the rules.
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
There you go again, thinking you have rights.
If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice week.
It’s not what you’re called…it’s what you answer to.
That which does not kill me had better be able to run away damn fast.
There’s a door not 10 feet away. It is a fine invention, I suggest you use it.

Submitted by: mykayla

The grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, but when you get there, you find it’s artificial turf.

Submitted by: Dnomzid

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