Short Funny Quotes
I wasn’t sleeping I was just taking a good look at my eye- lids.
Behind Every Successful Person Lies A Pack Of Haters.
When I get depressed I cut myself ….. A piece of cheesecake.
Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.
Save the planet it’s the only one with beer.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
– Steven Wright
Business is stealing other people’s money legally.
Boy:Hi can we be friends?
Boy: Come on I’m rich.
Girl: Hi I’m Claire, 22 yrs old,single.
Boy: My name is rich…26 yrs old…can we meet for dinner?
Girl: Sorry I don’t talk to strangers.
The correct phobic term for the fear of long words? Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia (!)
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
No one is as ugly as their driving license/identity card picture, nor as good- looking as their Facebook profile pic..!:D;)
Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does buy everything else.
It is better to be rich & miserable than poor & miserable.
My ancestors didn’t fight their way to the top of the food chain so I could be a vegetarian.
I was born intelligent…..but studies ruined me……
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said “Parking Fine”.
Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.
When I was kidnapped, my parents leaped into action…they rented out my room.
If silence is golden, then random screaming in public places is platinum! :D
I will procrastinate later.
Technology made life easy, Humans lazy.
Me?? Stalk?? Nah.. I just observe.. At night… Behind a tree… Alone…
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.