Short Funny Quotes

Yesterday I ran into my ex.
Then I pulled into reverse and ran over him again.

Submitted by: Katie

After exercising I always eat a pizza…Just kidding I never exercise.

I don’t drive FAST, I FLY SloWLy.

Submitted by: arun

We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people.

Just because I have ADHD does not mean I can’t pay attent…

Submitted by: me

I retired early for health reasons – my company was sick of me and I was sick of them.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
George Carlin

Before giving a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare.

Submitted by: erskmor4

Feed the hunger or else the hunger will eat you…

Submitted by: cassidy

I’m not insecure… I just don’t care.

Submitted by: Tasha

Losers are those who have fun winners are those who try hard

Submitted by: cassie

I was good at math before they decided to mix the alphabet in it.

Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk & the Boy next to you took three, what would you have?
Student: A Fight.

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, “Why god? Why me?” and the thundering voice of God answered, There’s just something about you that pisses me off.

You know how they say, “Don’t try this at home”?
I just go to my friend’s house and try it.

Submitted by: Ale Angel

Copyright © 2006-2016 - All rights reserved. Home | Blog | Contact Us | FAQ | Privacy Policy | Submit A Quote