Short Funny Quotes

I wasn’t sleeping I was just taking a good look at my eye- lids.
Behind Every Successful Person Lies A Pack Of Haters.

Submitted by: Bella Jane

When I get depressed I cut myself ….. A piece of cheesecake.

Submitted by: Linda

Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.

Submitted by: Carlito

Save the planet it’s the only one with beer.

Submitted by: MI

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Steven Wright

Business is stealing other people’s money legally.

Submitted by: salehe hemedi

Boy:Hi can we be friends?
Girl: No!
Boy: Come on I’m rich.
Girl: Hi I’m Claire, 22 yrs old,single.
Boy: My name is rich…26 yrs old…can we meet for dinner?
Girl: Sorry I don’t talk to strangers.

Submitted by: just someone

The correct phobic term for the fear of long words? Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia (!)

Submitted by: Solberto_Coronavich
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I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.

Submitted by: Kuzai

No one is as ugly as their driving license/identity card picture, nor as good- looking as their Facebook profile pic..!:D;)

Submitted by: Suvidha

Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does buy everything else.

It is better to be rich & miserable than poor & miserable.

My ancestors didn’t fight their way to the top of the food chain so I could be a vegetarian.

I was born intelligent…..but studies ruined me……

Submitted by: sakshi

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said “Parking Fine”.

Submitted by: Pseudonym

Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.

Submitted by: Ujjwal

When I was kidnapped, my parents leaped into action…they rented out my room.

Submitted by: Lynne

If silence is golden, then random screaming in public places is platinum! :D

Submitted by: Robert Gonzalez

I will procrastinate later.

Submitted by: Chiz

Technology made life easy, Humans lazy.

Submitted by: Megha

Me?? Stalk?? Nah.. I just observe.. At night… Behind a tree… Alone…

Submitted by: Sosthy

I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.

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