Short Funny Quotes

After exercising I always eat a pizza…Just kidding I never exercise.

We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people.

Kids born in 2000 never have to worry about forgetting how old they are.

Yesterday I ran into my ex.
Then I pulled into reverse and ran over him again.

Submitted by: Katie

Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk & the Boy next to you took three, what would you have?
Student: A Fight.

I don’t drive FAST, I FLY SloWLy.

Submitted by: arun

I retired early for health reasons – my company was sick of me and I was sick of them.

Before giving a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare.

Submitted by: erskmor4

Just because I have ADHD does not mean I can’t pay attent…

Submitted by: me

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
George Carlin

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, “Why god? Why me?” and the thundering voice of God answered, There’s just something about you that pisses me off.

Feed the hunger or else the hunger will eat you…

Submitted by: cassidy

I’m not insecure… I just don’t care.

Submitted by: Tasha

Losers are those who have fun winners are those who try hard

Submitted by: cassie

Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
Winston Churchill

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