Short Funny Quotes

I love it when I buy a bag of air & the company is nice enough to put some chips in.

If you expect the unexpcted, then isn’t the unexpected the expected?!

Submitted by: katie

Some people are wise, some are otherwise.

Submitted by: Azrael

Kids born in 2000 never have to worry about forgetting how old they are.

Strength can only give you power, but hope can give you success.

Submitted by: Sherry Qadeer

I retired early for health reasons – my company was sick of me and I was sick of them.

After exercising I always eat a pizza…Just kidding I never exercise.

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Math problems: Jane bought 72 sofas…WHO THE HELL WOULD BUY 72 SOFAS?!

Yesterday I ran into my ex.
Then I pulled into reverse and ran over him again.

Submitted by: Katie

I don’t drive FAST, I FLY SloWLy.

Submitted by: arun

Notice: Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

Submitted by: DUANE. G. FINCH. SR.

Before giving a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare.

Submitted by: erskmor4
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A friend of mine: Do you think I am funny?
Me: yeah, every time I look at you.

Submitted by: Nhlaks

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, “Why god? Why me?” and the thundering voice of God answered, There’s just something about you that pisses me off.

Just because I have ADHD does not mean I can’t pay attent…

Submitted by: me

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