Short Funny Quotes - Page 17


My wife is a spoilsport she caught me kissing the au pair and she told my secretary.

Submitted by: George Valentine

Walking into a restaurant…
Waiter: Would you like a table?
Me: No, we came to sit on the ground… floor for five please.

Me when parents are sleeping: shh they’re asleep.
My parents when I’m asleep: Let’s vacuum for three hours.

I learned three things in school:
1. How to text without looking.
2. How to sleep with my eyes open.
3. And teamwork during tests.

Submitted by: Cassie

You call it immature, I call it having a good time.
You call it a crime, I call it legal.. I didn’t get caught yet.
Wanna see the rest of my dictionary?

Submitted by: Cheyenne

Why do I need to learn how to find X and Y when solving maths…how many doctors, pilots, or engineers have you seen finding X or Y?

Submitted by: paul josh

Gangster: You still wear a helmet?
Me: Yeah. I’d rather not end up in the hospital.;)

Submitted by: Emily

I was born brilliant but studies ruined me.

Submitted by: shanky

I’m shocked why people often ask me “Are you sure?” Oh God please tell them.. I’m Natts…:D

Submitted by: Natts

If life gives you lemons ask it for sugar, water, ice, and a stand by a hot busy road.

Submitted by: Sabrina

When I smile the world smiles with me, when I laugh everybody thinks I’m mad.

Submitted by: Cora

If you must lie, be brief.

Submitted by: Darby Gloria

Hang in there like a hair in a a biscuit!

Submitted by: Ashley

To be old and wise you first must be young and stupid, that’s my excuse.

Submitted by: Honey

Cousin: Why are you so lazy?
Me: I’m not lazy I’m just saving my energy.

Submitted by: vanessa

Think if man evolved from monkeys then why do we still have monkeys?

Submitted by: Himanshew kagz

Every time I meet the girl of my dreams someone wakes me up.

Submitted by: anonymous

Who is dumber:
The one who actually made the bro code into a book… Or… The one who buys it on the internet?

Submitted by: soccer swag

Pans…can be used as weapons or shields.

Submitted by: mattie posted it but timber wrote it

I love sweet people, they taste good.

Submitted by: Culinary student

Spoons…bowls with handles.

Submitted by: mattie posted it but timber wrote it

I’m as single as a dollar and I’m not looking for change.:)

Submitted by: Bri

If someone asks, why is it so hot in here? Say, Okay I’ll get out if you want.

Submitted by: anynomus

If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving is not for you.

Funny Quote: If at first you don’t succeed, then...

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Submitted by: Adrian

When life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into water guns and squirt people in the eyes.

Submitted by: Danielle

He said: A girlfriend is like coffee. You throw her if it’s no longer hot.
She said: A boyfriend is like liquor. You throw up if you can no longer take it.

Submitted by: rexie

I lost one hundred and thirty pounds … But I don’t miss my wife anymore.

Submitted by: jeremy Garcia

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