Short Funny Quotes
Childhood is like being drunk, everyone remembers what you did, except you.
After exercising I always eat a pizza…Just kidding I never exercise.
I don’t drive FAST, I FLY SloWLy.
Just because I have ADHD does not mean I can’t pay attent…
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
– George Carlin
I retired early for health reasons – my company was sick of me and I was sick of them.
We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people.
Feed the hunger or else the hunger will eat you…
I’m not insecure… I just don’t care.
Before giving a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare.
Losers are those who have fun winners are those who try hard
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, “Why god? Why me?” and the thundering voice of God answered, There’s just something about you that pisses me off.
You know how they say, “Don’t try this at home”?
I just go to my friend’s house and try it.
Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?
– Bill Maher
When Life Gives You Lemons… Throw Them Back And Demand Chocolate.
I Totally Just Made That Up 8 ]