Short Funny Quotes
Yesterday I ran into my ex.
Then I pulled into reverse and ran over him again.
After exercising I always eat a pizza…Just kidding I never exercise.
I don’t drive FAST, I FLY SloWLy.
We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people.
Just because I have ADHD does not mean I can’t pay attent…
I retired early for health reasons – my company was sick of me and I was sick of them.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
– George Carlin
Before giving a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare.
Feed the hunger or else the hunger will eat you…
I’m not insecure… I just don’t care.
Losers are those who have fun winners are those who try hard
I was good at math before they decided to mix the alphabet in it.
Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk & the Boy next to you took three, what would you have?
Student: A Fight.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, “Why god? Why me?” and the thundering voice of God answered, There’s just something about you that pisses me off.
You know how they say, “Don’t try this at home”?
I just go to my friend’s house and try it.