Short Funny Quotes

I love it when I buy a bag of air & the company is nice enough to put some chips in.

Strength can only give you power, but hope can give you success.

Submitted by: Sherry Qadeer

After exercising I always eat a pizza…Just kidding I never exercise.

Kids born in 2000 never have to worry about forgetting how old they are.

Yesterday I ran into my ex.
Then I pulled into reverse and ran over him again.

Submitted by: Katie

I don’t drive FAST, I FLY SloWLy.

Submitted by: arun

I retired early for health reasons – my company was sick of me and I was sick of them.

Before giving a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare.

Submitted by: erskmor4

Just because I have ADHD does not mean I can’t pay attent…

Submitted by: me

Math problems: Jane bought 72 sofas…WHO THE HELL WOULD BUY 72 SOFAS?!

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
George Carlin

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, “Why god? Why me?” and the thundering voice of God answered, There’s just something about you that pisses me off.

Feed the hunger or else the hunger will eat you…

Submitted by: cassidy

Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
Winston Churchill

I’m not insecure… I just don’t care.

Submitted by: Tasha

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