Short Funny Quotes - Page 17


I’m the type of girl to walk into a chair and apologize.
I don’t have a license to kill. I have a learner’s permit.
I’m not with stupid….We broke up.
Note to self: It is illegal to stab people for being stupid.
The trouble with life is that there’s no background music.
Don’t regret doing something, regret getting caught.
I didn’t lose my mind. I sold it on eBay!
Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful! hate me because…well…okay…HATE ME BECAUSE I’M BEAUTIFUL!
Imagine your life without me… Miserable huh?
Yes, you have the right to your opinion, and I have the right to think you are stupid.
I hear voices…. And they don’t like you.

Submitted by: me,myself and I

Cats are like potato chips you can’t have just one.

Submitted by: Amber

My wife is a spoilsport she caught me kissing the au pair and she told my secretary.

Submitted by: George Valentine

Walking into a restaurant…
Waiter: Would you like a table?
Me: No, we came to sit on the ground… floor for five please.

Me when parents are sleeping: shh they’re asleep.
My parents when I’m asleep: Let’s vacuum for three hours.

I learned three things in school:
1. How to text without looking.
2. How to sleep with my eyes open.
3. And teamwork during tests.

Submitted by: Cassie

You call it immature, I call it having a good time.
You call it a crime, I call it legal.. I didn’t get caught yet.
Wanna see the rest of my dictionary?

Submitted by: Cheyenne

Why do I need to learn how to find X and Y when solving maths…how many doctors, pilots, or engineers have you seen finding X or Y?

Submitted by: paul josh

Gangster: You still wear a helmet?
Me: Yeah. I’d rather not end up in the hospital.;)

Submitted by: Emily

I was born brilliant but studies ruined me.

Submitted by: shanky

I’m shocked why people often ask me “Are you sure?” Oh God please tell them.. I’m Natts…:D

Submitted by: Natts

If life gives you lemons ask it for sugar, water, ice, and a stand by a hot busy road.

Submitted by: Sabrina

When I smile the world smiles with me, when I laugh everybody thinks I’m mad.

Submitted by: Cora

If you must lie, be brief.

Submitted by: Darby Gloria

Hang in there like a hair in a a biscuit!

Submitted by: Ashley

To be old and wise you first must be young and stupid, that’s my excuse.

Submitted by: Honey

Cousin: Why are you so lazy?
Me: I’m not lazy I’m just saving my energy.

Submitted by: vanessa

Think if man evolved from monkeys then why do we still have monkeys?

Submitted by: Himanshew kagz

Every time I meet the girl of my dreams someone wakes me up.

Submitted by: anonymous

Who is dumber:
The one who actually made the bro code into a book… Or… The one who buys it on the internet?

Submitted by: soccer swag

Pans…can be used as weapons or shields.

Submitted by: mattie posted it but timber wrote it

I love sweet people, they taste good.

Submitted by: Culinary student

Spoons…bowls with handles.

Submitted by: mattie posted it but timber wrote it

I’m as single as a dollar and I’m not looking for change.:)

Submitted by: Bri

If someone asks, why is it so hot in here? Say, Okay I’ll get out if you want.

Submitted by: anynomus

If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving is not for you.

Funny Quote: If at first you don’t succeed, then...

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Submitted by: Adrian

When life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into water guns and squirt people in the eyes.

Submitted by: Danielle

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