Short Funny Quotes

After exercising I always eat a pizza…Just kidding I never exercise.

I don’t drive FAST, I FLY SloWLy.

Submitted by: arun

Just because I have ADHD does not mean I can’t pay attent…

Submitted by: me

Feed the hunger or else the hunger will eat you…

Submitted by: cassidy

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
George Carlin

I’m not insecure… I just don’t care.

Submitted by: Tasha

Before giving a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare.

Submitted by: erskmor4

I retired early for health reasons – my company was sick of me and I was sick of them.

We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people.

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, “Why god? Why me?” and the thundering voice of God answered, There’s just something about you that pisses me off.

Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?
Bill Maher

Losers are those who have fun winners are those who try hard

Submitted by: cassie

I had superpowers until my therapist took them away!

Submitted by: Beth

Some call it stalking I call it love.

Why do I end up liking the guy I can only think of.

I was uncool before being uncool was cool!

Get like you? naw Get like me.

I called your boyfriend g*y…and then he hit me with his purse.

When I said “I’d hit that” I meant with my car.

Go buy yourself a life on e- bay.

Few women admit their ages a few men act theirs.
\

Submitted by: Denisse

I talk to myself because I only talk to people of a higher class.

Submitted by: I

Copyright © 2006-2016 - All rights reserved. Home | Blog | Contact Us | FAQ | Privacy Policy | Submit A Quote