Short Funny Quotes
After exercising I always eat a pizza…Just kidding I never exercise.
We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people.
Kids born in 2000 never have to worry about forgetting how old they are.
Yesterday I ran into my ex.
Then I pulled into reverse and ran over him again.
Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk & the Boy next to you took three, what would you have?
Student: A Fight.
I don’t drive FAST, I FLY SloWLy.
I retired early for health reasons – my company was sick of me and I was sick of them.
Before giving a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare.
Just because I have ADHD does not mean I can’t pay attent…
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
– George Carlin
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, “Why god? Why me?” and the thundering voice of God answered, There’s just something about you that pisses me off.
Feed the hunger or else the hunger will eat you…
I’m not insecure… I just don’t care.
Losers are those who have fun winners are those who try hard
Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
– Winston Churchill