Short Funny Quotes - Page 17
I’m not afraid of death, I just don’t wanna be there when it happens.
I don’t keep track of time. Time keeps track of me.
I’ll admit I’m hot, but don’t blame me for global warming.
Are you free this weekend?… No, I’ll be expensive.
Is stupid making me drugs?
Curiosity killed the cat…luckily I’m not a cat.
Books have knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, crime doesn’t pay. So, if you keep on reading, you’ll go broke. See what I’m sayin’ here?
Don’t try to be different, just be good. Because now a days just being good is different enough.
The amount of money that is in your bank at the time of death, is the extra work you did which wasn’t necessary.
If at first you don’t succeed, give up and let someone else do it.
If in doubt, Google it.
Vegetarian is Indian for “lousy hunter”.
Orange Juice+Orange Juice = Lots of Orange Juice
I have Skin. A potato has skin. Therefore I am a Potato.
Who invented Mondays, I’d like to have a word with him.
Hitting the gym to release stress is not nearly as effective as hitting the people that cause the stress to begin with.
Whoever said words don’t hurt never got hit in the head with a dictionary.
When I get the urge to clean the house… I lay down till it passes.
So why does when the bride throw the flowers the one who catch it will be the next one to get married.. Why don’t they try to throw the flowers for the dead to know who’ll die next.
Can you cry under water?
Do fishes ever get thirsty?
Why don’t birds fall off trees when they sleep?
When they say dogs food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Why does round pizza come in a square box?
Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle?
How can the world end in 2012l when we have yogurt that expires in 2013?
Don’t Trust WWW ;- Work,Weather and Women.
Common sense is the least common of all senses.
I love my girlfriend, but my wife doesn’t.
Actions speak louder than text messages.
Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
I know it all; I just can’t remember it simultaneously.
I like the way your mind malfunctions.
I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message…
If all else fails, lower your standards.
I never give people hell. I just tell them the truth and they think its hell.
I no longer fear hell – I’ve worked in Retail.
I’m lost. I’ve gone to look for myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait.
If all else fails, read the directions.
If at first you don’t succeed, change the rules.
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
There you go again, thinking you have rights.
If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice week.
It’s not what you’re called…it’s what you answer to.
That which does not kill me had better be able to run away damn fast.
There’s a door not 10 feet away. It is a fine invention, I suggest you use it.
The grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, but when you get there, you find it’s artificial turf.