Short Funny Quotes - Page 18

22

Don’t Trust WWW ;- Work,Weather and Women.

Submitted by: Bob-E
8

Common sense is the least common of all senses.

Submitted by: Evokethefirewithin
12

I love my girlfriend, but my wife doesn’t.

Submitted by: T STAR
7

Actions speak louder than text messages.

Submitted by: TNABigRiz
9

Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
I know it all; I just can’t remember it simultaneously.
I like the way your mind malfunctions.
I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message…
If all else fails, lower your standards.
I never give people hell. I just tell them the truth and they think its hell.
I no longer fear hell – I’ve worked in Retail.
I’m lost. I’ve gone to look for myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait.
If all else fails, read the directions.
If at first you don’t succeed, change the rules.
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
There you go again, thinking you have rights.
If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice week.
It’s not what you’re called…it’s what you answer to.
That which does not kill me had better be able to run away damn fast.
There’s a door not 10 feet away. It is a fine invention, I suggest you use it.

Submitted by: mykayla
8

The grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, but when you get there, you find it’s artificial turf.

Submitted by: Dnomzid
7

I was born a week early, so I’ve been running late ever since to make up for it.

Submitted by: ronzul
11

When life hands you lemons, grab the tequila and salt and don’t forget to call me over.

Submitted by: KWAAAAAA
12

Did you ever notice “The + I.R.S. = THEIRS”.

Submitted by: T STAR
1

Teacher : If your friend wants to borrow $5 and you gave him $10. How much will you get in return?
Student : Nothing!
Teacher : You don’t know Maths.
Student : You don’t know my friend.

Submitted by: sweety
13

Did you fall?
No I attacked the floor…
Backwards?
I’m just that talented.:)

Submitted by: VolleyballStar
20

They say,”Guns don’t kill people. People kill people.” well, I think the guns help! Because if you stood there and yelled BANG, I don’t think you’d kill too many people.

Submitted by: Kit kat
16

Curiosity killed the cat, my dog saw what happened and became smartest.

Submitted by: prince naganjel
6

If symptoms persist, insult your doctor.

Submitted by: Jerson dunlao
13

Had a dream I was awesome woke up…. Still awesome!!!

Submitted by: Jenna
16

When life gives you Justin Beiber, ASK FOR THE LEMONS BACK!!!

Submitted by: Kim
4

Even Barbie is not perfect.. I snapped off her leg.

Submitted by: smel(:
11

Guns don’t kill people, it’s mostly the bullets.

Submitted by: Amethyst
11

Sir, if I were your wife I would put poison in your coffee.
- Madam, if I were your husband I would drink it!

Submitted by: Xavier
12

I went to the point of no return…and came back.

Submitted by: elisa
8

I don’t discriminate… I hate everyone.:D

Submitted by: Mariella
9

When I try and make ends meet, someone comes along and move the ends.

Submitted by: Amy
10

The trick to entertaining idiots is to give them a piece of paper that says flip this on both sides.

Submitted by: Sarah
6

Women’s fault are many. Guys only have two; everything they say and everything they do.:p

Submitted by: Mariella
5

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way, that you actually look forward to going there.

Submitted by: Travis

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