Short Funny Quotes - Page 18

20

I don’t care if the glass is half empty or half full…because I’m not thirsty anymore.

Submitted by: MeMyselfAnI
14

If you have something to say, please raise your hand and place it over your mouth.

Submitted by: Aniqa
10

I’m not afraid of death, I just don’t wanna be there when it happens.

Submitted by: trueblue
26

I don’t keep track of time. Time keeps track of me.

Submitted by: Nathan
13

I’ll admit I’m hot, but don’t blame me for global warming.

Submitted by: Nicole
9

Are you free this weekend?… No, I’ll be expensive.

Submitted by: Peter
10

Is stupid making me drugs?

Submitted by: Spacekat
15

Curiosity killed the cat…luckily I’m not a cat.

Submitted by: KnowsAllTellsNone
10

Books have knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, crime doesn’t pay. So, if you keep on reading, you’ll go broke. See what I’m sayin’ here?

Submitted by: Capri
6

Don’t try to be different, just be good. Because now a days just being good is different enough.

Submitted by: Shreyansh1512
11

The amount of money that is in your bank at the time of death, is the extra work you did which wasn’t necessary.

Submitted by: Shreyansh1512
12

If at first you don’t succeed, give up and let someone else do it.
If in doubt, Google it.

Submitted by: Jessica
24

Vegetarian is Indian for “lousy hunter”.

Submitted by: Rachel
20

Orange Juice+Orange Juice = Lots of Orange Juice
I have Skin. A potato has skin. Therefore I am a Potato.

Submitted by: Mia
10

Who invented Mondays, I’d like to have a word with him.

Submitted by: Ezzard
9

Hitting the gym to release stress is not nearly as effective as hitting the people that cause the stress to begin with.

Submitted by: Ezzard
7

Whoever said words don’t hurt never got hit in the head with a dictionary.

Submitted by: MrCoolGuy
6

When I get the urge to clean the house… I lay down till it passes.

Submitted by: crazybrandi
10

So why does when the bride throw the flowers the one who catch it will be the next one to get married.. Why don’t they try to throw the flowers for the dead to know who’ll die next.

Submitted by: @voidfaces_rocks
11

Interesting confusions:
Can you cry under water?
Do fishes ever get thirsty?
Why don’t birds fall off trees when they sleep?
When they say dogs food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Why does round pizza come in a square box?
Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle?

Submitted by: red sunny
7

How can the world end in 2012l when we have yogurt that expires in 2013?

Submitted by: Sydnee
23

Don’t Trust WWW ;- Work,Weather and Women.

Submitted by: Bob-E
9

Common sense is the least common of all senses.

Submitted by: Evokethefirewithin
12

I love my girlfriend, but my wife doesn’t.

Submitted by: T STAR
7

Actions speak louder than text messages.

Submitted by: TNABigRiz

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