Short Funny Quotes

Steal money from pessimists. They’ll never expect it back!

Submitted by: Sweet22

I had superpowers until my therapist took them away!

Submitted by: Beth

Is life fair? Short answer, no. Long answer, Nooooooo.

Some call it stalking I call it love.

Why do I end up liking the guy I can only think of.

I was uncool before being uncool was cool!

Get like you? naw Get like me.

I called your boyfriend g*y…and then he hit me with his purse.

When I said “I’d hit that” I meant with my car.

Go buy yourself a life on e- bay.

Few women admit their ages a few men act theirs.
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Submitted by: Denisse

I talk to myself because I only talk to people of a higher class.

Submitted by: I

If money grew on trees, girls would date monkeys!!!

Submitted by: Joseph

Relatives are like fires, the sooner they’re out, the better.
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Submitted by: the person whom you know not of...

Notice: Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

Submitted by: DUANE. G. FINCH. SR.

Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk & the Boy next to you took three, what would you have?
Student: A Fight.

I hate People who are taking drugs,
Especially Police and Customs Officers

Submitted by: Pete

Why don’t you ever see Cupid with a girlfriend?

Submitted by: Toffayok

Things that are difficult to say when you’re drunk.

When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?

I was good at math before they decided to mix the alphabet in it.

There’s no half- singing in the shower, you’re either a rock star or an opera diva.

Submitted by: - Kaila

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