Short Funny Quotes

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
George Carlin

Feed the hunger or else the hunger will eat you…

Submitted by: cassidy

I’m not insecure… I just don’t care.

Submitted by: Tasha

Is life fair? Short answer, no. Long answer, Nooooooo.

Losers are those who have fun winners are those who try hard

Submitted by: cassie

When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?

Things that are difficult to say when you’re drunk.

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If money grew on trees, girls would date monkeys!!!

Submitted by: Joseph

I had superpowers until my therapist took them away!

Submitted by: Beth

You know how they say, “Don’t try this at home”?
I just go to my friend’s house and try it.

Submitted by: Ale Angel

Some call it stalking I call it love.

Why do I end up liking the guy I can only think of.

I was uncool before being uncool was cool!

Get like you? naw Get like me.

I called your boyfriend g*y…and then he hit me with his purse.

When I said “I’d hit that” I meant with my car.

Go buy yourself a life on e- bay.

Few women admit their ages a few men act theirs.

Submitted by: Denisse

When Life Gives You Lemons… Throw Them Back And Demand Chocolate.
I Totally Just Made That Up 8 ]

Submitted by: Bridget
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Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?
Bill Maher

Steal money from pessimists. They’ll never expect it back!

Submitted by: Sweet22

I just wanna be rich enough to have Morgan Freeman read me bedtime stories.

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