Short Funny Quotes
Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?
– Bill Maher
When Life Gives You Lemons… Throw Them Back And Demand Chocolate.
I Totally Just Made That Up 8 ]
Is life fair? Short answer, no. Long answer, Nooooooo.
Notice: Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
Some call it stalking I call it love.
Why do I end up liking the guy I can only think of.
I was uncool before being uncool was cool!
Get like you? naw Get like me.
I called your boyfriend g*y…and then he hit me with his purse.
When I said “I’d hit that” I meant with my car.
Go buy yourself a life on e- bay.
Few women admit their ages a few men act theirs.
Steal money from pessimists. They’ll never expect it back!
I had superpowers until my therapist took them away!
Things that are difficult to say when you’re drunk.
I talk to myself because I only talk to people of a higher class.
If money grew on trees, girls would date monkeys!!!
Relatives are like fires, the sooner they’re out, the better.
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
I hate People who are taking drugs,
Especially Police and Customs Officers
Why don’t you ever see Cupid with a girlfriend?
A friend of mine: Do you think I am funny?
Me: yeah, every time I look at you.