Short Funny Quotes - Page 18

3

Even Barbie is not perfect.. I snapped off her leg.

Submitted by: smel(:
10

Guns don’t kill people, it’s mostly the bullets.

Submitted by: Amethyst
10

Sir, if I were your wife I would put poison in your coffee.
- Madam, if I were your husband I would drink it!

Submitted by: Xavier
12

I went to the point of no return…and came back.

Submitted by: elisa
6

I don’t discriminate… I hate everyone.:D

Submitted by: Mariella
9

When I try and make ends meet, someone comes along and move the ends.

Submitted by: Amy
10

The trick to entertaining idiots is to give them a piece of paper that says flip this on both sides.

Submitted by: Sarah
6

Women’s fault are many. Guys only have two; everything they say and everything they do.:p

Submitted by: Mariella
3

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way, that you actually look forward to going there.

Submitted by: Travis
4

From great power comes a great electricity bill.

Submitted by: shaqz
11

When life gives you lemons. Ask someone if they know how to make lemonade.

Submitted by: Emily
10

If life gave Lady Gaga lemons, she would make an outfit out of them.

Submitted by: Crystal
6

Now…correct me if I’m right!

Submitted by: jordan
8

Look, I’m no rocket surgeon.

Submitted by: Abbie
8

Does a collection of all collections includes itself?

Submitted by: WhyHi!
11

They say that 1 out of every 5 people in the United States is Chinese. There are 5 people in my family so 1 of them is Chinese. It’s either me (Ben), my mom (Amy), my dad (mark), my brother (Keith), or my adopted brother (Long Hai). I think it’s Keith.

Submitted by: Ben
9

It doesn’t matter if the glass is half full or half empty, all that matters is if you’re thirsty or not.

Submitted by: Logic
30

Thank God, I’m an atheist.

Submitted by: ArunKumar.R.K(AKRK)
8

It’s more fun when it’s illegal.

Submitted by: Brad
8

You call it stalking, I call it love.

Submitted by: Tracie
3

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Submitted by: mickey
12

14 Year Old: Santa isn’t real!
6 Year Old: Neither is Edward Cullen!
Guess who ran away crying.:p

Submitted by: TWILIGHT - Hearts
11

You’re with my ex? Here, you can have the remainder of my sandwich too.

Submitted by: Precious
5

If brain surgeons call what they do practice than what’s the real thing?

Submitted by: Melody
9

“Killer Attitude”
Teacher : why are you late?
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Student : Does it really matter? You still get paid !! =P

Submitted by: Chirag goyal (chiggs)

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