Short Funny Quotes

Notice: Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

Submitted by: DUANE. G. FINCH. SR.

Losers are those who have fun winners are those who try hard

Submitted by: cassie

Is life fair? Short answer, no. Long answer, Nooooooo.

I had superpowers until my therapist took them away!

Submitted by: Beth

You know how they say, “Don’t try this at home”?
I just go to my friend’s house and try it.

Submitted by: Ale Angel

A friend of mine: Do you think I am funny?
Me: yeah, every time I look at you.

Submitted by: Nhlaks

When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?

Things that are difficult to say when you’re drunk.

Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?
Bill Maher

Some call it stalking I call it love.

Why do I end up liking the guy I can only think of.

I was uncool before being uncool was cool!

Get like you? naw Get like me.

I called your boyfriend g*y…and then he hit me with his purse.

When I said “I’d hit that” I meant with my car.

Go buy yourself a life on e- bay.

Few women admit their ages a few men act theirs.
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Submitted by: Denisse

When Life Gives You Lemons… Throw Them Back And Demand Chocolate.
I Totally Just Made That Up 8 ]

Submitted by: Bridget

If money grew on trees, girls would date monkeys!!!

Submitted by: Joseph

Steal money from pessimists. They’ll never expect it back!

Submitted by: Sweet22

Relatives are like fires, the sooner they’re out, the better.
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Submitted by: the person whom you know not of...

I talk to myself because I only talk to people of a higher class.

Submitted by: I

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