Short Funny Quotes
Steal money from pessimists. They’ll never expect it back!
I had superpowers until my therapist took them away!
Is life fair? Short answer, no. Long answer, Nooooooo.
Some call it stalking I call it love.
Why do I end up liking the guy I can only think of.
I was uncool before being uncool was cool!
Get like you? naw Get like me.
I called your boyfriend g*y…and then he hit me with his purse.
When I said “I’d hit that” I meant with my car.
Go buy yourself a life on e- bay.
Few women admit their ages a few men act theirs.
I talk to myself because I only talk to people of a higher class.
If money grew on trees, girls would date monkeys!!!
Relatives are like fires, the sooner they’re out, the better.
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Notice: Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk & the Boy next to you took three, what would you have?
Student: A Fight.
I hate People who are taking drugs,
Especially Police and Customs Officers
Why don’t you ever see Cupid with a girlfriend?
Things that are difficult to say when you’re drunk.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
I was good at math before they decided to mix the alphabet in it.
There’s no half- singing in the shower, you’re either a rock star or an opera diva.