Short Funny Quotes

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
George Carlin

Feed the hunger or else the hunger will eat you…

Submitted by: cassidy

I’m not insecure… I just don’t care.

Submitted by: Tasha

Is life fair? Short answer, no. Long answer, Nooooooo.

Losers are those who have fun winners are those who try hard

Submitted by: cassie

When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?

Things that are difficult to say when you’re drunk.


If money grew on trees, girls would date monkeys!!!

Submitted by: Joseph

I had superpowers until my therapist took them away!

Submitted by: Beth

You know how they say, “Don’t try this at home”?
I just go to my friend’s house and try it.

Submitted by: Ale Angel

Some call it stalking I call it love.

Why do I end up liking the guy I can only think of.

I was uncool before being uncool was cool!

Get like you? naw Get like me.

I called your boyfriend g*y…and then he hit me with his purse.

When I said “I’d hit that” I meant with my car.

Go buy yourself a life on e- bay.

Few women admit their ages a few men act theirs.

Submitted by: Denisse

When Life Gives You Lemons… Throw Them Back And Demand Chocolate.
I Totally Just Made That Up 8 ]

Submitted by: Bridget

Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?
Bill Maher

Steal money from pessimists. They’ll never expect it back!

Submitted by: Sweet22

I just wanna be rich enough to have Morgan Freeman read me bedtime stories.

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