Short Funny Quotes - Page 19
Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
I know it all; I just can’t remember it simultaneously.
I like the way your mind malfunctions.
I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message…
If all else fails, lower your standards.
I never give people hell. I just tell them the truth and they think its hell.
I no longer fear hell – I’ve worked in Retail.
I’m lost. I’ve gone to look for myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait.
If all else fails, read the directions.
If at first you don’t succeed, change the rules.
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
There you go again, thinking you have rights.
If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice week.
It’s not what you’re called…it’s what you answer to.
That which does not kill me had better be able to run away damn fast.
There’s a door not 10 feet away. It is a fine invention, I suggest you use it.
The grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, but when you get there, you find it’s artificial turf.
I was born a week early, so I’ve been running late ever since to make up for it.
When life hands you lemons, grab the tequila and salt and don’t forget to call me over.
Did you ever notice “The + I.R.S. = THEIRS”.
Teacher : If your friend wants to borrow $5 and you gave him $10. How much will you get in return?
Student : Nothing!
Teacher : You don’t know Maths.
Student : You don’t know my friend.
Did you fall?
No I attacked the floor…
I’m just that talented.:)
They say,”Guns don’t kill people. People kill people.” well, I think the guns help! Because if you stood there and yelled BANG, I don’t think you’d kill too many people.
Curiosity killed the cat, my dog saw what happened and became smartest.
If symptoms persist, insult your doctor.
Had a dream I was awesome woke up…. Still awesome!!!
When life gives you Justin Beiber, ASK FOR THE LEMONS BACK!!!
Even Barbie is not perfect.. I snapped off her leg.
Guns don’t kill people, it’s mostly the bullets.
Sir, if I were your wife I would put poison in your coffee.
– Madam, if I were your husband I would drink it!
I went to the point of no return…and came back.
I don’t discriminate… I hate everyone.:D
When I try and make ends meet, someone comes along and move the ends.
The trick to entertaining idiots is to give them a piece of paper that says flip this on both sides.
Women’s fault are many. Guys only have two; everything they say and everything they do.:p
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way, that you actually look forward to going there.
From great power comes a great electricity bill.
When life gives you lemons. Ask someone if they know how to make lemonade.
If life gave Lady Gaga lemons, she would make an outfit out of them.
Now…correct me if I’m right!