Short Funny Quotes

Be nice to nerds, because you may end up working for one!

Submitted by: beto

Diplomacy is telling someone to “Go to Hell” in such a way, that they look forward to taking the trip.

Submitted by: Karen

I just wanna be rich enough to have Morgan Freeman read me bedtime stories.

A friend of mine: Do you think I am funny?
Me: yeah, every time I look at you.

Submitted by: Nhlaks

Who says common sense is common … Watching people push the door when it clearly says pull.

Submitted by: ME!!!

I like poetry, long walks on the beach, and poking dead things with a stick!
Why is it that when something is delivered by truck, we call it a shipment, but when it’s delivered by ship we call it cargo?

Submitted by: sara

I was good at math before they decided to mix the alphabet in it.

If my room is clean, it means that my internet is not working.

If others can do it…
..let them do it…

Submitted by: g0f0

You either like me or you hate me, either way, you idiots still know my name.
I’m not random. I just have many thoughts I feel you should know.

Submitted by: katee

Someone told me I was immature. Guess who’s not allowed in my tree house now?

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.
Ashleigh Brilliant

Cobra 1 asks cobra 2
Cobra 1 : Are we poisonous?
Cobra 2 : Why are you asking?
Cobra 1 : I think I just bit my lip.

Submitted by: Nana Quajo

Tell me what you need, I will tell you how to get along without it.
Never give the devil a ride, he will always want to drive.

Submitted by: Hashim

If you want to look young and skinny stand next to a bunch of fat old people.

Submitted by: abby

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