Short Funny Quotes
She got her good looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
– Groucho Marx
I will not be impressed with technology until I can download food from the internet.
I’m not dumb, I just think less to avoid all the headaches.
Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is through is chest…
How can the world end in 2012l when we have yogurt that expires in 2013?
“The pen is mightier than the sword.”
Really? Can I stab you with a sword, you stab me with a pen and we’ll see who survives?
Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
– Ambrose Bierce
I really hate cigarettes. Whenever I see one, I lit it up.
I’m an outstanding student, teacher often asks me to stand out of the class.
Without ME its just Aweso
I don’t believe in superstition because it brings bad luck!
“Behind Every Gorgeous Female, Lies A Lot Of Envious Chicks”
I feel bad for a giraffe who has to throw up.
Insult: If beauty fades you have nothing to worry about.
Stop asking for oranges! Some of us haven’t even received our lemons yet!!!
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
If someone says: “No offense”, he/she is about to say something offensive.
No matter how old or how bad a** you think you are, when a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!!
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
– Steven Wright
It’s been more than ten years now
I let the dogs out