Short Funny Quotes
Diplomacy is telling someone to “Go to Hell” in such a way, that they look forward to taking the trip.
This is my life and I don’t let others ruin it !!… I wanna do it myself :D
I just wanna be rich enough to have Morgan Freeman read me bedtime stories.
Be nice to nerds, because you may end up working for one!
A friend of mine: Do you think I am funny?
Me: yeah, every time I look at you.
Who says common sense is common … Watching people push the door when it clearly says pull.
I like poetry, long walks on the beach, and poking dead things with a stick!
Why is it that when something is delivered by truck, we call it a shipment, but when it’s delivered by ship we call it cargo?
If my room is clean, it means that my internet is not working.
If others can do it…
..let them do it…
You either like me or you hate me, either way, you idiots still know my name.
I’m not random. I just have many thoughts I feel you should know.
Someone told me I was immature. Guess who’s not allowed in my tree house now?
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.
– Ashleigh Brilliant
Cobra 1 asks cobra 2
Cobra 1 : Are we poisonous?
Cobra 2 : Why are you asking?
Cobra 1 : I think I just bit my lip.
Tell me what you need, I will tell you how to get along without it.
Never give the devil a ride, he will always want to drive.
Math problems: Jane bought 72 sofas…WHO THE HELL WOULD BUY 72 SOFAS?!