Short Funny Quotes
Diplomacy is telling someone to “Go to Hell” in such a way, that they look forward to taking the trip.
I just wanna be rich enough to have Morgan Freeman read me bedtime stories.
A friend of mine: Do you think I am funny?
Me: yeah, every time I look at you.
Who says common sense is common … Watching people push the door when it clearly says pull.
I like poetry, long walks on the beach, and poking dead things with a stick!
Why is it that when something is delivered by truck, we call it a shipment, but when it’s delivered by ship we call it cargo?
You either like me or you hate me, either way, you idiots still know my name.
I’m not random. I just have many thoughts I feel you should know.
Someone told me I was immature. Guess who’s not allowed in my tree house now?
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.
– Ashleigh Brilliant
Cobra 1 asks cobra 2
Cobra 1 : Are we poisonous?
Cobra 2 : Why are you asking?
Cobra 1 : I think I just bit my lip.
Tell me what you need, I will tell you how to get along without it.
Never give the devil a ride, he will always want to drive.
If you want to look young and skinny stand next to a bunch of fat old people.