Short Funny Quotes - Page 19
We all know what the speed of light is…what’s the speed of dark?!
Mother In Law, an anagram of, Woman Hitler
If you want to look young and skinny stand next to a bunch of fat old people.
Patience is a procrastinators excuse!!!
Despite the cost of living it’s still quite popular.
Girl: If you were my husband I would poison your coffee.
Boy: If you were my wife I’d drink it.
Stop asking for oranges! Some of us haven’t even received our lemons yet!!!
I still have a beautiful figure… Under couple of layers of cholesterol ;)
I haven’t lost it. I just misplaced it…somewhere on this planet.
The correct phobic term for the fear of long words? Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia (!)
If silence is golden, then random screaming in public places is platinum! :D
Common sense is the sense rarely found in common people.
I know I’m in my own little world..but it’s ok..they know me here!
Technology made life easy, Humans lazy.
I like poetry, long walks on the beach, and poking dead things with a stick!
Why is it that when something is delivered by truck, we call it a shipment, but when it’s delivered by ship we call it cargo?
When life gives you snomel, you have dyslexia!
If a robot does the robot is it still the robot or is it just dancing?
The last thing I want to do is hurt you… But it is still on my list :)
I’m in no shape to exercise.
I don’t really care whether a glass is half empty or half full, all I know is that I want my glass filled!!
Do it today, it might be illegal tomorrow.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
Education is what you get from reading the small print. Experience is what you get from not reading it.
A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the word you first thought of.
A mother’s menu consists of two choices: Take it or leave it.
Why call it a toothbrush, is it used for brushing a single tooth?
People tell me there is plenty of fish in the sea, well that is nice and all but I’m human, I don’t date fish .
You either like me or you hate me, either way, you idiots still know my name.
I’m not random. I just have many thoughts I feel you should know.
Dear maths…!! Please grow up and solve your problems yourself!!!
Push can get you almost anywere, exept through a door marked ‘pull’.
It is not easy going through life and being perfect. I thought I made a mistake once, but it turned out I was wrong.
I’d give my left arm to be ambidextrous!
Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk.
Get Well Soon!
Why Get Well Soon?
Why Not Get Well Now?
I Know Because You Want Me To Suffer!!!
When I get depressed I cut myself ….. A piece of cheesecake.
I’ll think of something witty to say about it later.
When life gives you lemons it means you’ve obviously knock over the fruit barrel.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy – the parents.