Short Funny Quotes

Diplomacy is telling someone to “Go to Hell” in such a way, that they look forward to taking the trip.

Submitted by: Karen

This is my life and I don’t let others ruin it !!… I wanna do it myself :D

Submitted by: saba haghiri

I just wanna be rich enough to have Morgan Freeman read me bedtime stories.

Be nice to nerds, because you may end up working for one!

Submitted by: beto

A friend of mine: Do you think I am funny?
Me: yeah, every time I look at you.

Submitted by: Nhlaks

Who says common sense is common … Watching people push the door when it clearly says pull.

Submitted by: ME!!!

I like poetry, long walks on the beach, and poking dead things with a stick!
Why is it that when something is delivered by truck, we call it a shipment, but when it’s delivered by ship we call it cargo?

Submitted by: sara

If my room is clean, it means that my internet is not working.

If others can do it…
..let them do it…

Submitted by: g0f0

You either like me or you hate me, either way, you idiots still know my name.
I’m not random. I just have many thoughts I feel you should know.

Submitted by: katee

Someone told me I was immature. Guess who’s not allowed in my tree house now?

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.
Ashleigh Brilliant

Cobra 1 asks cobra 2
Cobra 1 : Are we poisonous?
Cobra 2 : Why are you asking?
Cobra 1 : I think I just bit my lip.

Submitted by: Nana Quajo

Tell me what you need, I will tell you how to get along without it.
Never give the devil a ride, he will always want to drive.

Submitted by: Hashim

Math problems: Jane bought 72 sofas…WHO THE HELL WOULD BUY 72 SOFAS?!

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