Short Funny Quotes
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.
I want to kill the hottest person alive… But suicide is a crime!
If you can’t get someone out of your head,
.. Then maybe they are supposed to be there. <3
When I die, I wanna go like my grandpa…peacefully…sleeping…not screaming, like the passengers in his car…
I ran into my ex today…put it in reverse and did it again!!!
I still miss my ex – But guess what? My Aim is getting better :D
I dream of a better tomorrow…
where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, “You’re next.”
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
All guys hate the words DON’T and STOP unless they’re put together.
Save paper, don’t do home work.
Do not drink and drive
or you might spill the drink.
Never judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. By that time, they’ll be a mile away and barefoot.
Boys fall for me-
Because I trip them.
Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person, think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.
It always gets laughs!
I wish my book of life was written in pencil … There are a few pages I would like to erase.
Life is Short – Talk Fast!