Short Funny Quotes

I wish my book of life was written in pencil … There are a few pages I would like to erase.

Submitted by: Susan

I still miss my ex – But guess what? My Aim is getting better :D

Submitted by: Dilip

I dream of a better tomorrow…
where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, “You’re next.”
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Submitted by: **THD Rulez**

Save paper, don’t do home work.

Submitted by: Allyson

All guys hate the words DON’T and STOP unless they’re put together.

Submitted by: dominic

Do not drink and drive
or you might spill the drink.

Submitted by: DirtySouth

Never judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. By that time, they’ll be a mile away and barefoot.

Submitted by: Julio

Boys fall for me-
Because I trip them.

Submitted by: I

Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person, think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.
It always gets laughs!

Submitted by: Callie W.

Life is Short – Talk Fast!

Submitted by: Jaime
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When life gives you lemons,
make grape juice,
then sit back,
and let the wold wonder how you did it.

Submitted by: Robyn

Why do stores that are open 24/7 have locks on their doors?

Submitted by: win_ringette

I love love love this quote!
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then use the profits to buy an assault rifle. See if life makes the same mistake twice.

Submitted by: Beckers

I’m an excellent housekeeper..Every time I get divorce I keep the house ;- )

Submitted by: ArmenianGrl

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

Submitted by: subhadeep samantaray

If common sense is so common why is there so many people with out it??

Submitted by: Steven

Save water and shower together

Submitted by: Emilee

When nothing goes right, Go left.

Submitted by: marie

It is easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission.

Submitted by: Michael

My mind is like lighting, one brilliant flash, then its gone…:(

Submitted by: Carnivorus Sheep

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