Short Funny Quotes
I wish my book of life was written in pencil … There are a few pages I would like to erase.
I still miss my ex – But guess what? My Aim is getting better :D
I dream of a better tomorrow…
where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, “You’re next.”
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Save paper, don’t do home work.
All guys hate the words DON’T and STOP unless they’re put together.
Do not drink and drive
or you might spill the drink.
Never judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. By that time, they’ll be a mile away and barefoot.
Boys fall for me-
Because I trip them.
Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person, think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.
It always gets laughs!
Life is Short – Talk Fast!
When life gives you lemons,
make grape juice,
then sit back,
and let the wold wonder how you did it.
Why do stores that are open 24/7 have locks on their doors?
I love love love this quote!
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then use the profits to buy an assault rifle. See if life makes the same mistake twice.
I’m an excellent housekeeper..Every time I get divorce I keep the house ;- )
Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
If common sense is so common why is there so many people with out it??
Save water and shower together
When nothing goes right, Go left.
It is easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission.
My mind is like lighting, one brilliant flash, then its gone…:(