Short Funny Quotes | Funny Life Quotes | Cool Funny Quotes - Page 2

When nothing goes right, Go left.

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Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person, think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.
It always gets laughs!

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If common sense is so common why is there so many people without it??

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When life gives you lemons,
make grape juice,
then sit back,
and let the wold wonder how you did it.

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Dear optimist, pessimist, and realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.

Sincerely, the opportunist.

1

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then use the profits to buy an assault rifle. See if life makes the same mistake twice.

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Why do stores that are open 24/7 have locks on their doors?

1

I’m an excellent housekeeper..Every time I get divorce I keep the house.
– Zsa Zsa Gabor

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School is a jail, the cells are the classes, teachers are the security guard and WE ARE THE PRISONERS!

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Save water and shower together

1

Police pulls over a speeding car;
COP: I’ve been waiting for you all day.
DRIVER: Yeah well I got here as fast as I could.

1

Good girls are bad girls that aren’t caught.

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Smile…It confuses people..!!

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It is easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission.

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When life gives you lemons.. Squirt it in your enemies eyes!!

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I’m not a complete idiot. Some pieces are missing.

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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
– Steven Wright

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Rule #1 I’m always right.
Rule #2 If I’m wrong please look at rule #1.

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Never argue with an idiot they’ll drag you down to their level and beat you through experience.
– Mark Twain

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If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.

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