Short Funny Quotes - Page 2
I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
Love is all fun and games until someone loses an eye or gets pregnant.
From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!
- Dr. Seuss
A bachelor’s life is a fine breakfast, a flat lunch, and a miserable dinner.
- Francis Bacon
The complete fool is half prophet.
The comparison of subways and sandwiches is a bit of an old joke for us now.
- Charlotte Cooper
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
Happiness is waking up, looking at the clock and finding that you still have two hours left to sleep.
- Charles M. Schulz
Ideas stand in the corner and laugh while we fight over them.
- Marty Rubin
It takes one woman twenty years to make a man of her son – and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.
~ Helen Rowland
If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there’d be a shortage of fishing poles.
Death, taxes and childbirth! There’s never any convenient time for any of them.
- Margaret Mitchell
When life gives you lemons make lemonade and sell it use the profits to buy an assault riffle and see if life makes the same mistake twice.
Amamda: My teacher pointed at me with a ruler today.
Amanda: He said, “There is an idiot at the end of this ruler”
Karmenia: Ohhhhh he called you an idiot??
Amanda: No I got detention for asking which end he was talking about.
Karnebua: That’s ma girl!
Friends are like potatoes, when you eat them they die.
Saw this on vest of a motorcycle rider on a calif. freeway
Could you drive any better
If that phone
Was up your a**!!!
I only do what the voices in my head tell me to do.
If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
- Erma Bombeck
Always be yourself unless you can be a unicorn, then always be a unicorn.