Short Funny Quotes - Page 2
I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
Love is all fun and games until someone loses an eye or gets pregnant.
~Jim Cole
From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!
- Dr. Seuss
A bachelor’s life is a fine breakfast, a flat lunch, and a miserable dinner.
- Francis Bacon
The complete fool is half prophet.
The comparison of subways and sandwiches is a bit of an old joke for us now.
- Charlotte Cooper
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
Happiness is waking up, looking at the clock and finding that you still have two hours left to sleep.
- Charles M. Schulz
Ideas stand in the corner and laugh while we fight over them.
- Marty Rubin
It takes one woman twenty years to make a man of her son – and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.
~ Helen Rowland
If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there’d be a shortage of fishing poles.
~Doug Larson
Death, taxes and childbirth! There’s never any convenient time for any of them.
- Margaret Mitchell
When life gives you lemons make lemonade and sell it use the profits to buy an assault riffle and see if life makes the same mistake twice.
Amamda: My teacher pointed at me with a ruler today.
Karmenia: So?
Amanda: He said, “There is an idiot at the end of this ruler”
Karmenia: Ohhhhh he called you an idiot??
Amanda: No I got detention for asking which end he was talking about.
Karnebua: That’s ma girl!
Friends are like potatoes, when you eat them they die.
Saw this on vest of a motorcycle rider on a calif. freeway
Could you drive any better
If that phone
Was up your a**!!!
I only do what the voices in my head tell me to do.
If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
- Erma Bombeck
Always be yourself unless you can be a unicorn, then always be a unicorn.