Short Funny Quotes

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.
Kurt Vonnegut

Two wrongs don’t make a right.
No, but three will get you back on the freeway!
Rita Mae Brown

High heels were invented by a woman who had once been kissed on the forehead.
Rita Mae Brown

So the Titanic is coming out again but in 3D…I wonder if they will see the iceburg this time…

Funny Quote: So the Titanic is coming out again...

2 hour movie, 30 second sex scene. Guess which part your parents walk in on…

Funny Quote: 2 hour movie, 30 second sex scene....

I love how, in scary movies, the person yells out, Hello? As if the bad guy is gonna be like, Yeah, I’m in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?

Funny Quote: I love how, in scary movies, the...

In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn’t danced on television.
Erma Bombeck

Boyfriend: Want to see a magic trick?
Girlfriend: Sure
Boyfriend: Poof! You’re single!

Submitted by: Break up!

You know you are getting old, when your friends and relatives compliment you on your new alligator shoes, and you aren’t wearing any!!!

Submitted by: Ralph Garcia

It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Jerry Seinfeld

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