Short Funny Quotes - Page 2

70

I’m not a complete idiot. Some pieces are missing.

Funny Quote: I’m not a complete idiot. Some pieces...

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Submitted by: Kacey
253

Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get. ];

Funny Quote: Life is like a hot bath. It...

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Submitted by: Freak.
27

When I see someone that is beautiful, I stare for awhile, and when I get tired, I put down the mirror. 8)

Submitted by: Hallie (11 yers old)
37

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

Submitted by: magda
194

Boys fall for me-
Because I trip them.

Submitted by: I
19

There are three kinds of people: The ones who learn by reading. The ones who learn by observation. And the rest of them who have to touch the fire to learn it’s hot.

Submitted by: David Hudson
6

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
George Carlin

105

Adults are just kids with money.

Submitted by: jordan
2

I do this real moron thing, and it’s called thinking. And apparently I’m not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
George Carlin

133

Rule #1 I’m always right
Rule #2 If i’m wrong please look at rule #1

Submitted by: Emma
28

I turned my phone onto “Airplane mode” and threw it up into the air. Worst Transformer Ever.

Submitted by: D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R123
33

Walking into a restaurant…
Waiter: Would you like a table?
Me: No, we came to sit on the ground… floor for five please.

Me when parents are sleeping: shh they’re asleep.
My parents when I’m asleep: Let’s vacuum for three hours.

I learned three things in school:
1. How to text without looking.
2. How to sleep with my eyes open.
3. And teamwork during tests.

Submitted by: Cassie
272

When I die, I wanna go like my grandpa…peacfully…sleeping…not screaming, like the passengers in his car…

Submitted by: ArmenianGrl
55

Who says nothing is impossible. I’ve been doing nothing for years. …

Submitted by: Bagga
25

People tell me there is plenty of fish in the sea, well that is nice and all but I’m human, I don’t date fish .

Submitted by: ky
19

The girl who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

Submitted by: Rachael :)
24

Brother: Did you know that ’sugar’ is the only word in the English language where the ’su’ makes the ’sh’ sound?
Sister: Really?
Brother: Yeah, I’m sure.

Submitted by: lisa
37

Girl: If you were my husband I would poison your coffee.
Boy: If you were my wife I’d drink it.

Submitted by: Carlos
35

I’m not immature…i just know how to have fun.

Submitted by: KazeGirl
270

I ran into my ex today…put it in reverse and did it again!!!

Submitted by: olivia hawley
125

To learn you must make mistakes; when you make a mistake you often will get in trouble. So then why do teachers punish you when you get into trouble if you are only learning, which is exactly what they want you to do?

Submitted by: J-Dog
300

I want to kill the hottest person alive… But suicide is a crime!

Submitted by: cassie
29

If karma doesn’t come around and hit you in the face, I will.

Submitted by: Jilll
54

Dear maths…!! Please grow up and solve your problems yourself!!!

Funny Quote: Dear maths…!! Please grow up and solve...

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Submitted by: dear maths!!!
29

That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
George Carlin

Funny Quote: That’s why they call it the American...

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53

Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.

Submitted by: ~Joy96~
49

The hardest part about business is minding your own.

Submitted by: jay
19

Teachers call it cheating, students call it teamwork.

Submitted by: Lindsey
77

Why is the slowest traffic of the day called “rush hour”?

Submitted by: Kim
287

Never judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. By that time, they’ll be a mile away and barefoot.

Submitted by: Julio

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