Short Funny Quotes - Page 2

250

DON’T HIT KIDS!!!
No, seriously, they have guns now.

Funny Quote: DON’T HIT KIDS!!! No, seriously, they have...

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Submitted by: I
74

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
- Steven Wright
Funny Quote: I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I...

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Submitted by: Kacey
86

A “Lion” would never cheat on his wife but a “Tiger Wood”.

Funny Quote: A “Lion” would never cheat on his...

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Submitted by: Lakiyah King
20

Push can get you almost anywere, exept through a door marked ‘pull’.

Submitted by: imo-gadget-303
69

I’m not a complete idiot. Some pieces are missing.

Funny Quote: I’m not a complete idiot. Some pieces...

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Submitted by: Kacey
150

When life gives you lemons,
make grape juice,
then sit back,
and let the wold wonder how you did it.

Submitted by: Robyn
252

Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get. ];

Funny Quote: Life is like a hot bath. It...

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Submitted by: Freak.
27

When I see someone that is beautiful, I stare for awhile, and when I get tired, I put down the mirror. 8)

Submitted by: Hallie (11 yers old)
37

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

Submitted by: magda
194

Boys fall for me-
Because I trip them.

Submitted by: I
19

There are three kinds of people: The ones who learn by reading. The ones who learn by observation. And the rest of them who have to touch the fire to learn it’s hot.

Submitted by: David Hudson
6

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
- George Carlin

105

Adults are just kids with money.

Submitted by: jordan
2

I do this real moron thing, and it’s called thinking. And apparently I’m not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
- George Carlin

133

Rule #1 I’m always right
Rule #2 If i’m wrong please look at rule #1

Submitted by: Emma
28

I turned my phone onto “Airplane mode” and threw it up into the air. Worst Transformer Ever.

Submitted by: D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R123
33

Walking into a restaurant…
Waiter: Would you like a table?
Me: No, we came to sit on the ground… floor for five please.

Me when parents are sleeping: shh they’re asleep.
My parents when I’m asleep: Let’s vacuum for three hours.

I learned three things in school:
1. How to text without looking.
2. How to sleep with my eyes open.
3. And teamwork during tests.

Submitted by: Cassie
272

When I die, I wanna go like my grandpa…peacfully…sleeping…not screaming, like the passengers in his car…

Submitted by: ArmenianGrl
55

Who says nothing is impossible. I’ve been doing nothing for years. …

Submitted by: Bagga
25

People tell me there is plenty of fish in the sea, well that is nice and all but I’m human, I don’t date fish .

Submitted by: ky
24

Brother: Did you know that ’sugar’ is the only word in the English language where the ’su’ makes the ’sh’ sound?
Sister: Really?
Brother: Yeah, I’m sure.

Submitted by: lisa
19

The girl who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

Submitted by: Rachael :)
37

Girl: If you were my husband I would poison your coffee.
Boy: If you were my wife I’d drink it.

Submitted by: Carlos
35

I’m not immature…i just know how to have fun.

Submitted by: KazeGirl
270

I ran into my ex today…put it in reverse and did it again!!!

Submitted by: olivia hawley

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