Four out of three people have a hard time dealing with fractions.
Every time I see a math word problem it looks like this: If I have 10 ice cubes and you have 11 apples. How many pancakes will fit on the roof? Answer: Purple because aliens don’t wear hats.
There’s no vaccine against stupid.
Tell your girlfriend, I said thanks…!
Make up can make you beautiful on the outside. It won’t work if your ugly on the inside. Unless you eat the makeup.
Patience is a procrastinators excuse!!!
I don’t really care whether a glass is half empty or half full, all I know is that I want my glass filled!!
Without my driver’s license, you’ll just have to believe the age I tell you.
Be a nerd – no one can kill what already has no life.
Daughter- iPod, SON- iPhone, MOM- iPad, DAD- iPay.. …!
Curiosity killed the cat, and saved the rat.
Remember, when you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It is only painful for others. The same applies when you are stupid. – Ricky Gervais
Guns don’t kill people, it’s mostly the bullets.
I’m in shape. Unfortunately, it’s the wrong one.
My therapist says that I can’t see you anymore because you make me crazy.
It is not easy going through life and being perfect. I thought I made a mistake once, but it turned out I was wrong.
All of us would like to vote for the best president, unfortunately he is never a candidate.
I’ll be back in 5 minutes. If I’m not read the first sentence again.
Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere. – Mae West
My doctor gave me six months to live but when I couldn’t pay the bill, he gave me six months more. – Matthau
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