Short Funny Quotes
The first sign of madness is talking to yourself, the second sign is replying.
If the stuff that comes out of my mouth upsets you, just think of all the things I keep to myself.
I know the secret of life. But I can’t tell you. It’s a secret.
An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.
Dear life, when I asked if my day could get any worse, it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
Did you know that 8 out of 3 people don’t get fractions.
The voices in my head aren’t real…my dog told me so.
How to make an idiot wait????????? I will tell you later…..
Many people bring joy in my household, some by coming, others by going…
He: You know.. When you weren’t here, I cried a lot.
She: Awww! How sweet!
He: Yes but those were tears of happiness!
He: Do you know why only 10 percent of women goes to heaven?
He: Cause if they all went , it would be called hell!
He: Have I seen you somewhere?
She: Yes. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.