Short Funny Quotes - Page 21
Cousin: Why are you so lazy?
Me: I’m not lazy I’m just saving my energy.
Think if man evolved from monkeys then why do we still have monkeys?
Every time I meet the girl of my dreams someone wakes me up.
Who is dumber:
The one who actually made the bro code into a book… Or… The one who buys it on the internet?
Pans…can be used as weapons or shields.
I love sweet people, they taste good.
Spoons…bowls with handles.
I’m as single as a dollar and I’m not looking for change.:)
If someone asks, why is it so hot in here? Say, Okay I’ll get out if you want.
When life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into water guns and squirt people in the eyes.
He said: A girlfriend is like coffee. You throw her if it’s no longer hot.
She said: A boyfriend is like liquor. You throw up if you can no longer take it.
I lost one hundred and thirty pounds … But I don’t miss my wife anymore.
The patient dog eats the fattest bone…who eats the meat? The fastest dog of course!
Change is inevitable… Except from vending machines.
I don’t care if the glass is half empty or half full…because I’m not thirsty anymore.
If you have something to say, please raise your hand and place it over your mouth.
I’m not afraid of death, I just don’t wanna be there when it happens.
I don’t keep track of time. Time keeps track of me.
I’ll admit I’m hot, but don’t blame me for global warming.
Are you free this weekend?… No, I’ll be expensive.