Short Funny Quotes - Page 22

78

Why would life give you lemon…life is not a lemon tree!

Submitted by: bis
60

When life gives you lemons throw it back and demand lemonade.

Submitted by: XxClueless_luverxX
37

Don’t you hate it when you get on your own nerves??!!!!

Submitted by: Paige
17

I will procrastinate later.

Submitted by: Chiz
12

I’m giving you a definite maybe.
– Sam Goldwyn

I know only two tunes. One of them is “Yankee Doodle” and the other isn’t.
– Ulysses S. Grant

Yes, females do pursue me (if you count mosquitoes).

It’s bad luck to be superstitious.

Celibacy is not hereditary.

Excuse me, but do these stairs go up?

Traffic is moving at a standstill.
– Traffic Reporter

This project is so important that we can’t let things that are more important interfere with it.
Winter related injuries occur more often in winter.
– Newswoman

Submitted by: Bob
24

Relatives are like fires, the sooner they’re out, the better.
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Submitted by: the person whom you know not of...
13

Make it idiot- proof, and someone will make a better idiot!

Submitted by: Lisha
24

An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building and after 50 floors says, “So far so good!”

Submitted by: Rachael :)
19

The girl who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

Submitted by: Rachael :)
135

Why is the quote “When Life gives You Lemons” so popular; when has life ever given someone a lemon.
I’m not claustrophobic, I just prefer to live outside the box.
What most people consider style now who have had them outcasted in school 10 years ago…

Submitted by: Jermaine Blackburn
27

I hope I didn’t brain my damage.

Submitted by: noddy
28

Who could be so cruel too put a ‘S’ in lisp.

Submitted by: James
19

Is it solipsistic in here or is it just me?

Submitted by: Captain Kirk
38

When life gives you lemon you sell them on eBay.
My imaginary friend thinks I’m mentally insane.
Drugs cause amnesia and … I can’t remember the other things.

Submitted by: noooobooody
22

Everything is legal. Until you get caught.

Submitted by: maryyyy.
47

All work and no play makes Jack a manager.

Submitted by: Chiza
39

Everyone wants to top in exams but no one wants to study.

Submitted by: adarshkumar
106

Chuck Norris doesn’t watch TV, TV watches Chuck Norris.

Submitted by: DMR
42

What software would you recommend to give my presentation with so much flash and sizzle that nobody notices that I have nothing to say?

Submitted by: fred
30

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If “poli” means many, and “tics” mean bloodsucking creatures, then what does “politics” mean?

Submitted by: Laura
30

Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.

Submitted by: Ujjwal
300

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog.

Funny Quote: This dog, is dog, a dog, good...

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Submitted by: amal
47

What do you call a cow during an earthquake?
Milkshake

Submitted by: ameago
58

If money grew on trees, girls would date monkeys!!!

Submitted by: Joseph
24

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.

Submitted by: Mahum
73

When life gives you lemons, sell them and buy the fruit you like.

Submitted by: Wasif Manjoor
34

They say, it’s darkest before dawn…so if you’re gonna steal your neighbors newspaper, that’s the right time to do it.

Submitted by: Raghav
48

If you see one goose it is called a goose. If you see more then one its called geese. How come when you see more then one moose it isn’t calles meese?

Submitted by: ME
38

Students are the only costumers who don’t want what they paid for.

Submitted by: bukenyaaw
44

We all know what the speed of light is…what’s the speed of dark?!

Submitted by: Ryerye

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