Short Funny Quotes
Smile and the world smiles with you.
Laugh and they’ll think your on drugs.
Where’s my chips?
You: Go to hell.
Me: I go on vacations there.
I wasn’t sleeping I was just taking a good look at my eye- lids.
Behind Every Successful Person Lies A Pack Of Haters.
When I get depressed I cut myself ….. A piece of cheesecake.
Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.
Save the planet it’s the only one with beer.
Boy:Hi can we be friends?
Boy: Come on I’m rich.
Girl: Hi I’m Claire, 22 yrs old,single.
Boy: My name is rich…26 yrs old…can we meet for dinner?
Girl: Sorry I don’t talk to strangers.
The correct phobic term for the fear of long words? Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia (!)
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
– Steven Wright
Business is stealing other people’s money legally.
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
I was born intelligent…..but studies ruined me……
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said “Parking Fine”.
No one is as ugly as their driving license/identity card picture, nor as good- looking as their Facebook profile pic..!:D;)