Short Funny Quotes

Where’s my chips?

Submitted by: Jessy

When I get depressed I cut myself ….. A piece of cheesecake.

Submitted by: Linda

Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.

Submitted by: Carlito

I’m still waiting for that day…

Save the planet it’s the only one with beer.

Submitted by: MI

Boy:Hi can we be friends?
Girl: No!
Boy: Come on I’m rich.
Girl: Hi I’m Claire, 22 yrs old,single.
Boy: My name is rich…26 yrs old…can we meet for dinner?
Girl: Sorry I don’t talk to strangers.

Submitted by: just someone

The correct phobic term for the fear of long words? Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia (!)

Submitted by: Solberto_Coronavich

I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.

Submitted by: Kuzai

I was born intelligent…..but studies ruined me……

Submitted by: sakshi

You: Go to hell.
Me: I go on vacations there.

Submitted by: Vuyie

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Steven Wright

Business is stealing other people’s money legally.

Submitted by: salehe hemedi

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said “Parking Fine”.

Submitted by: Pseudonym

When I was kidnapped, my parents leaped into action…they rented out my room.

Submitted by: Lynne

If silence is golden, then random screaming in public places is platinum! :D

Submitted by: Robert Gonzalez

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