Short Funny Quotes - Page 22
Inside me is a thin person screaming to get out … But she has trouble being heard through all the fat.
If the batteries in our T.V remote are dead … Why do we keep pushing the button until our fingers hurt ?
Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think!
The only advantage of exercising is that you die healthy.
There’s only one thing common in all human beings:they’re all different!
Strength can only give you power, but hope can give you success.
Be a nerd – no one can kill what already has no life.
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard
Define unfair advantage? Um…a crocodile in a smiling contest.
I didn’t fall, the floor just needed a hug.
It’s recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.
- Harry S Truman
Things on my “To do” list:
Put vanilla pudding in a mayonnaise jar and eat it in public.
Ask someone in a store what year it is and when they reply yell, “I did it!” and run out.
When in a crowded elevator, ask everyone, “I bet you are wondering why I have gathered you here today”.
Four out of three people have a hard time dealing with fractions.
The trick to entertaining idiots is to give them a piece of paper that says flip this on both sides.
Wear Short Sleeves! Support the right to bear arms!
I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
- Phyllis Diller
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
- Mark Twain
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
- Mae West
I’m not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did.
- Yogi Berra