Short Funny Quotes

If you see a guy opening a car door for a girl, it’s one of two things, either a new girl, or a new car!

Who could be so cruel too put a ‘S’ in lisp.

Submitted by: James

I do this real moron thing, and it’s called thinking. And apparently I’m not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
George Carlin

Smile and the world smiles with you.
Laugh and they’ll think your on drugs.

Submitted by: Holli

Where’s my chips?

Submitted by: Jessy
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Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does buy everything else.

It is better to be rich & miserable than poor & miserable.

My ancestors didn’t fight their way to the top of the food chain so I could be a vegetarian.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Steven Wright

When I get depressed I cut myself ….. A piece of cheesecake.

Submitted by: Linda

I wasn’t sleeping I was just taking a good look at my eye- lids.
Behind Every Successful Person Lies A Pack Of Haters.

Submitted by: Bella Jane

Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.

Submitted by: Carlito

Save the planet it’s the only one with beer.

Submitted by: MI
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I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.

Submitted by: Kuzai

Business is stealing other people’s money legally.

Submitted by: salehe hemedi

Boy:Hi can we be friends?
Girl: No!
Boy: Come on I’m rich.
Girl: Hi I’m Claire, 22 yrs old,single.
Boy: My name is rich…26 yrs old…can we meet for dinner?
Girl: Sorry I don’t talk to strangers.

Submitted by: just someone

The correct phobic term for the fear of long words? Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia (!)

Submitted by: Solberto_Coronavich

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