Short Funny Quotes - Page 22


If someone says that you drawing looks ugly, say I didn’t mean to draw you.

Submitted by: Andeo

Life is too short to remove the USB device safely.

Submitted by: joanne

I’m not crazy. Just imaginative.

Submitted by: Justme

Don’t try to make a pig sing, It only frustrates you and annoys the pig!

Submitted by: mimi w.

Boy: Hi
Girl: Hi
Boy: I like someone..
Girl: Who?!!
Boy: She looks just like you…
Girl: OMG! You like me? I like you too…
Boy: Oh no. I like your..sister

Submitted by: Tikitiki

If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?

Submitted by: Kenny

Whatever it is – I didn’t do it!

Submitted by: liz

Chocolate is the answer, who cares what the question is.

Submitted by: vincent king

If you don’t like my driving, get off the sidewalk.
The more I think, the more I get confused.

Submitted by: Corny

You say ear wax, I say melting brain.

Submitted by: Sneaky

Weather forecast for tonight: dark

Submitted by: mackeeenzzie!

Guess what?!:O

Submitted by: RawnaQ ;]

Do someone a favor and it becomes your job.

Submitted by: Wigi

A big head with an empty brain is like a heavy load on the foolish neck.

Submitted by: Darkwah Prince Peezee

Curiosity killed the cat, and saved the rat.

Submitted by: vishnu

Our parents blame it on the generation but do they think about who raised us.
Amateurs build planes professionals built the titanic, how do you feel now?
When life gives you lemons, throw them back because I mean really? Who likes lemons?
Last time I checked heaven wasn’t a bad word. What makes hell one? I mean, it’s in the Bible for God’s sake!
The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.
Why be difficult, when with just a little more effort, you can be impossible.
I’m not afraid of Death. What’s he going to do, kill me?
I don’t need your attitude. The voices in my head are enough.
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.
If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can’t fix it, you have a serious problem.
With great power… Comes great need to take a nap.
If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.
All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.
If the number 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still number 2?
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
If the pen is mightier than the sword then how come actions speak louder than words.
What are your names? He asked “Why? Do you not like yours?”
Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
I am not retreating! I am advancing in a different direction!
When my girlfriend and I fight, I tighten the top to every jar and bottle in the house. Just so I can say “Oh yeah, you need me NOW, huh”.
I love how, in scary movies, the person yells out, “Hello?” As if the bad guy is gonna be like, “Yeah, I’m in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”. What’s my mother going to do?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
I love talking about nothing. It’s the only thing I know anything about.
If the temperature is zero outside today and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire.
I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Some people say “If you can’t beat them, join them”. I say “If you can’t beat them, beat them”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
You say I’m not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I’m not cold, I’m hot. I know I’m hot. Thanks for embracing it.
How come people tell you to stay a kid for as long as you can. Yet the moment you do something childish or immature they tell you to grow up.
Why when people ask you “What three things would you bring with you on a desert island?” no one ever replies, “A Boat”.

Submitted by: MYA MOORE

Boy:Hi can we be friends?
Girl: No!
Boy: Come on I’m rich.
Girl: Hi I’m Claire, 22 yrs old,single.
Boy: My name is rich…26 yrs old…can we meet for dinner?
Girl: Sorry I don’t talk to strangers.

Submitted by: just someone

Today is the National animal’s day, so please take a minute and remember your ex!

Submitted by: deejay spoko

Attraction is temporary love but love is permanent attraction.

Submitted by: Love

To gain something in life you have to lose something but the converse is not true.

Submitted by: surendra yadav

Wear Short Sleeves! Support the right to bear arms!

Submitted by: Jazzy

Dear Homework,
I hate you so much.

Submitted by: abdal

If there was a 3% stupidity tax, our Country’s budget deficit would be gone before the next fiscal tax season.
Husband and wife drive by a farm, and see cows grazing. Husband says “relatives”, and the wife responds “yes, in laws”.

Submitted by: Laulaus

I’m a pretty clever guy. For example, my username and password are always the same, just in case I forget either.

Submitted by: happy murphy

I’ll be back in 5 minutes. If I’m not read the first sentence again.

Submitted by: Hitsugaya'sgirl

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