Short Funny Quotes
Where’s my chips?
I wasn’t sleeping I was just taking a good look at my eye- lids.
Behind Every Successful Person Lies A Pack Of Haters.
When I get depressed I cut myself ….. A piece of cheesecake.
Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.
Save the planet it’s the only one with beer.
Boy:Hi can we be friends?
Boy: Come on I’m rich.
Girl: Hi I’m Claire, 22 yrs old,single.
Boy: My name is rich…26 yrs old…can we meet for dinner?
Girl: Sorry I don’t talk to strangers.
The correct phobic term for the fear of long words? Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia (!)
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
The first 40 years of your childhood are always the hardest.
You: Go to hell.
Me: I go on vacations there.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
– Steven Wright
I was born intelligent…..but studies ruined me……
Business is stealing other people’s money legally.
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said “Parking Fine”.
When I was kidnapped, my parents leaped into action…they rented out my room.