Short Funny Quotes
Whoever said words don’t hurt never got hit in the head with a dictionary.
How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelette?
– George Carlin
I always lie. Trust me.
If the world really ends in 2012, I wasted my whole life in school.
Homework kills trees.
So don’t do homework.
Well if life does not give you water and sugar too, your lemonade is going to suck!
Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
– Groucho Marx
If you have it, you want to share it. If you share it, you don’t have it. What is it? A secret. Duh!
I’m not afraid of death, I just don’t wanna be there when it happens.
Without my driver’s license, you’ll just have to believe the age I tell you.
Students are the only costumers who don’t want what they paid for.
Boy: I like someone..
Boy: She looks just like you…
Girl: OMG! You like me? I like you too…
Boy: Oh no. I like your..sister
“Hahahahaha! I can’t believe you just tripped and fell over nothing!”
“What do you mean? I was just testing gravity…it works!”
Teacher : why are you late?
Student : Does it really matter? You still get paid !! =P
My sex life is like a Ferrari…I don’t have a Ferrari.
Make up can make you beautiful on the outside. It wont work if your ugly on the inside. Unless you eat the makeup.
When I have children I am going to make them watch the movie 2012 and tell them I survived that like a Boss!
Bungee jumping is suicide with strings attached!
Every time I see a math word problem it looks like this:
If I have 10 ice cubes and you have 11 apples. How many pancakes will fit on the roof?
Purple because aliens don’t wear hats.
The more I study, the more I know, the more I know, the more I forget, the more I forget, the less I know so why study?