Short Funny Quotes

Some days you’re the pigeon, some days you’re the statue.

Submitted by: Karen

Everyone has a photographic memory… Some just don’t have film.

I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.

Quitting smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I’ve done it dozens of times.

A good man is hard to find. A good midget is ever harder to find…especially in a large crowd.
– M.J. McGuire

Submitted by: M.J. McGuire

When ever you can afford to get married. Buy yourself a sports car.

Submitted by: Jet set

My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.
Winston Churchill

I didn’t fall, the floor just needed a hug.

Submitted by: The Awesome 1

Google: I have everything. !!
Facebook: I know everyone. !
Tweeter: I know what you guys think!!
Internet: Gosh!!!w/out me. !!you guys are nothing!!!

Submitted by: hearty diamond

I live in my own world, but it’s cool, everyone knows me here!

Submitted by: Hey You

Music is my drug, YouTube is my dealer.:)

Submitted by: Sarah O.

I would take a bomb, but I can’t stand the noise.
– Joe E. Lewis

Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?”

Follow your dreams…except for that one where you’re naked at work.

Submitted by: red27y

Young enough to know I can, old enough to know I shouldn’t, stupid enough to do it anyway.

Who needs rhetorical questions?

Submitted by: conapetaz

If a single teacher can’t teach all the subjects then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.

I hate how after an argument I think of more clever things I should have said.

Today’s Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.

Today is the National animal’s day, so please take a minute and remember your ex!

Submitted by: deejay spoko

To be old and wise you first must be young and stupid, that’s my excuse.

Submitted by: Honey

Wear Short Sleeves! Support the right to bear arms!

Submitted by: Jazzy

People don’t grow up. They just learn how to act in public.

Submitted by: mooii

Don’t drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill your drink.

Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so waste your time and have the time of your life!

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