Short Funny Quotes - Page 23

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I always lie. Trust me.

Submitted by: AlexL

A boomerang is just a Frisbee for people that don’t have any friends.

Submitted by: Victoria

Despite the cost of living it’s still quite popular.

Submitted by: Tim Braithwaite

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Submitted by: mickey

Mother In Law, an anagram of, Woman Hitler

Submitted by: :..Guy..

To be honest…I’m a liar!:P

Submitted by: JoezZz

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
George Carlin

Funny Quote: Have you ever noticed that anybody driving...

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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Funny Quote: Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

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Submitted by: phillip

What do I do when I see someone extremely gorgeous…? I stare, I smile, and when I get tired.. I put the mirror down. ;)

Submitted by: liliaaa

Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
Groucho Marx

Every time I see a math word problem it looks like this:
If I have 10 ice cubes and you have 11 apples. How many pancakes will fit on the roof?
Answer:
Purple because aliens don’t wear hats.

Submitted by: sweetpea

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
George Carlin

I only need 3 things in life: Food, Wifi, Sleep. :)

Procrastination,
I’ll think of something witty to say about it later.

Submitted by: thesexyone

My sex life is like a Ferrari…I don’t have a Ferrari.

Funny Quote: My sex life is like a Ferrari…I...

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Without my driver’s license, you’ll just have to believe the age I tell you.

Why do people try park as close as the can to the entrance when they go to the gym to work out?

Submitted by: TheAwesome1

I’ve said it a million times, I never exaggerate.

Submitted by: Brian

80% of all people can’t do simple mathematics. Okay, but what about the 40% who can.

Submitted by: Hoopero

I’m confused… Wait, maybe I’m not…

Submitted by: Ale Angel

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