Short Funny Quotes

I put the pro in procrastination.

Submitted by: Theodore

A tattoo is a permanent reminder of temporary insanity.

Submitted by: Kiera

The party in hell, has been canceled due to the fire.

Submitted by: shelly omish

I told my mom that my house was her house and she yelled at me, “Get of my property”.

Submitted by: The Awesome 1

Don’t kiss by the garden gate,
Love is blind, but the neighbors ain’t

Submitted by: ada ally

I’ll be back in 5 minutes. If I’m not read the first sentence again.

Submitted by: Hitsugaya'sgirl

Weather forecast for tonight: dark

Submitted by: mackeeenzzie!

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Groucho Marx

When life gives you lemons, ask why…cos I don’t get it.

Submitted by: Tin tiN

Chocolate is the answer, who cares what the question is.

Submitted by: vincent king
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Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Submitted by: mickey

Age is just a number? Yeah and weed is just a plant!!!!!

Submitted by: mw is cool

Why would life give you lemon…life is not a lemon tree!

Submitted by: bis

Dear Algebra,
Quit asking us to find your ‘x’, she’s not coming back!
Love, Me.
P.S. And don’t ask me ‘y’ either.

Submitted by: ~Blackheart~

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Dave Barry

A boomerang is just a Frisbee for people that don’t have any friends.

Submitted by: Victoria

Make it idiot- proof, and someone will make a better idiot!\

Submitted by: Lisha

Hitting the gym to release stress is not nearly as effective as hitting the people that cause the stress to begin with.

Submitted by: Ezzard

To be honest…I’m a liar!:P

Submitted by: JoezZz

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
George Carlin

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