Short Funny Quotes
Some days you’re the pigeon, some days you’re the statue.
Everyone has a photographic memory… Some just don’t have film.
I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.
Quitting smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I’ve done it dozens of times.
A good man is hard to find. A good midget is ever harder to find…especially in a large crowd.
– M.J. McGuire
When ever you can afford to get married. Buy yourself a sports car.
My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.
– Winston Churchill
I didn’t fall, the floor just needed a hug.
Google: I have everything. !!
Facebook: I know everyone. !
Tweeter: I know what you guys think!!
Internet: Gosh!!!w/out me. !!you guys are nothing!!!
I live in my own world, but it’s cool, everyone knows me here!
Music is my drug, YouTube is my dealer.:)
I would take a bomb, but I can’t stand the noise.
– Joe E. Lewis
Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?”
Follow your dreams…except for that one where you’re naked at work.
Young enough to know I can, old enough to know I shouldn’t, stupid enough to do it anyway.
Who needs rhetorical questions?
If a single teacher can’t teach all the subjects then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.
I hate how after an argument I think of more clever things I should have said.
Today’s Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.
Today is the National animal’s day, so please take a minute and remember your ex!
To be old and wise you first must be young and stupid, that’s my excuse.
Wear Short Sleeves! Support the right to bear arms!
People don’t grow up. They just learn how to act in public.
Don’t drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill your drink.
Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so waste your time and have the time of your life!