Short Funny Quotes
I put the pro in procrastination.
A tattoo is a permanent reminder of temporary insanity.
The party in hell, has been canceled due to the fire.
I told my mom that my house was her house and she yelled at me, “Get of my property”.
Don’t kiss by the garden gate,
Love is blind, but the neighbors ain’t
I’ll be back in 5 minutes. If I’m not read the first sentence again.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
– Groucho Marx
When life gives you lemons, ask why…cos I don’t get it.
Chocolate is the answer, who cares what the question is.
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Age is just a number? Yeah and weed is just a plant!!!!!
Why would life give you lemon…life is not a lemon tree!
Quit asking us to find your ‘x’, she’s not coming back!
P.S. And don’t ask me ‘y’ either.
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
– Dave Barry
A boomerang is just a Frisbee for people that don’t have any friends.
Make it idiot- proof, and someone will make a better idiot!\
Hitting the gym to release stress is not nearly as effective as hitting the people that cause the stress to begin with.
To be honest…I’m a liar!:P
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
– George Carlin