Short Funny Quotes - Page 24
There is only one machine in the casino that will give you money. ATM.
The first sign of madness is talking to yourself, the second sign is replying.
Unicorns are real. They’re just fat and gray and we call them rhinos.
Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?
Behind every successful man is the absence of an annoying woman.
All of us would like to vote for the best president, unfortunately he is never a candidate.
A clear conscience is a sign of a bad memory.
I recently stopped fighting my inner demons. We’re on the same side now.:)
I’m confused… Wait, maybe I’m not…
You know how they say, “Don’t try this at home”?
I just go to my friend’s house and try it.
Why did the rabbit cross the road? Chicken’s day off.
Sometimes I pretend to be normal but it gets boring so I go back to being me.:p
When life gives you lemons say, “I don’t know how to make lemonade!”
The grass is greener on the other side…Nah…it’s Astro turf.
Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?
Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.
When a girl cancels a date she cancels it because she has to…But when a boy cancels a date he cancels it because he has two.
You don’t need a parachute to sky dive, you need a parachute to sky dive twice.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, and you’ll end up in the hospital.
A diplomat: One who thinks twice before saying nothing.
Four out of three people have a hard time dealing with fractions.
I’m so awesome that whenever I ask whether I’m awesome people say no but I know it’s just pure jealousy.
I don’t want to look at the bright side. It’ll hurt my eye.
I save trees everyday by not doing my homework.
Dogs think: People love me, feed me, pet me, they must be God.
Cats think: People love me, feed me, pet me, I must be God.