Short Funny Quotes - Page 24
When life gives you lemons say, “I don’t know how to make lemonade!”
The grass is greener on the other side…Nah…it’s Astro turf.
Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?
Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.
When a girl cancels a date she cancels it because she has to…But when a boy cancels a date he cancels it because he has two.
You don’t need a parachute to sky dive, you need a parachute to sky dive twice.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, and you’ll end up in the hospital.
A diplomat: One who thinks twice before saying nothing.
Four out of three people have a hard time dealing with fractions.
I’m so awesome that whenever I ask whether I’m awesome people say no but I know it’s just pure jealousy.
I don’t want to look at the bright side. It’ll hurt my eye.
I save trees everyday by not doing my homework.
Dogs think: People love me, feed me, pet me, they must be God.
Cats think: People love me, feed me, pet me, I must be God.
If life throws lemon at you, think something stupid and post it here.
Boy2God : Why my girlfriend loves a rose which dies in a day and doesn’t love me when I die for her everyday?
God2boy : Nice one dude, post it on Facebook.
The only way to look slim is to hang out with fat people.
There are three kinds of people: The ones who learn by reading. The ones who learn by observation. And the rest of them who have to touch the fire to learn it’s hot.
True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.
Most popular things to do in an emergency…
60% Update Facebook Status
15% Record a Video, then upload it on YouTube
15% Update Twitter Status
10% Call Emergency Services
Good girls are bad girls who never get caught.
After loosing the election I sleep like a young baby .. Sleep 2 hours wake up and cry..sleep another 2 hours wake up and cry!
Are you one of those people who ‘pull’ the door when it says ‘push’?
When life gives you lemons you throw them back at life and tell life to get a life…
Brother: Did you know that ’sugar’ is the only word in the English language where the ’su’ makes the ’sh’ sound?
Brother: Yeah, I’m sure.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
- Steven Wright