Short Funny Quotes - Page 24
When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
Daylight savings time is like cutting 24″ off the top of your blanket and sewing it to the bottom to keep your feet warm!
If karma doesn’t come around and hit you in the face, I will.
The party in hell, has been canceled due to the fire.
I live in my own world, but it’s cool, everyone knows me here!
To find out a girl’s fault, praise her to her girl friends.
People tell me to get a life, I say “HEY! I’m a gamer! I have tons of lives hahaha”.
There is only one machine in the casino that will give you money. ATM.
The first sign of madness is talking to yourself, the second sign is replying.
Unicorns are real. They’re just fat and gray and we call them rhinos.
Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?
Behind every successful man is the absence of an annoying woman.
All of us would like to vote for the best president, unfortunately he is never a candidate.
A clear conscience is a sign of a bad memory.
I recently stopped fighting my inner demons. We’re on the same side now.:)
I’m confused… Wait, maybe I’m not…
You know how they say, “Don’t try this at home”?
I just go to my friend’s house and try it.
Why did the rabbit cross the road? Chicken’s day off.
Sometimes I pretend to be normal but it gets boring so I go back to being me.:p
When life gives you lemons say, “I don’t know how to make lemonade!”
The grass is greener on the other side…Nah…it’s Astro turf.
Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?
Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.
When a girl cancels a date she cancels it because she has to…But when a boy cancels a date he cancels it because he has two.
You don’t need a parachute to sky dive, you need a parachute to sky dive twice.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.