Short Funny Quotes - Page 24

44

When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

Submitted by: SteelrGrl
35

Daylight savings time is like cutting 24″ off the top of your blanket and sewing it to the bottom to keep your feet warm!

Submitted by: C.D. Rinck Sr.
29

If karma doesn’t come around and hit you in the face, I will.

Submitted by: Jilll
30

The party in hell, has been canceled due to the fire.

Submitted by: shelly omish
23

I live in my own world, but it’s cool, everyone knows me here!

Submitted by: Hey You
21

To find out a girl’s fault, praise her to her girl friends.

Submitted by: Sezza
42

People tell me to get a life, I say “HEY! I’m a gamer! I have tons of lives hahaha”.

Submitted by: DAR 2da CIE
4

There is only one machine in the casino that will give you money. ATM.

Submitted by: Rudy Nin
21

The first sign of madness is talking to yourself, the second sign is replying.

Submitted by: Chocolate88
33

Unicorns are real. They’re just fat and gray and we call them rhinos.

Submitted by: Kassie
32

Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?

Submitted by: Kirk
71

Behind every successful man is the absence of an annoying woman.

Submitted by: Shet Geym
19

All of us would like to vote for the best president, unfortunately he is never a candidate.

Submitted by: Yung Zavage
26

A clear conscience is a sign of a bad memory.

Submitted by: Becca
26

I recently stopped fighting my inner demons. We’re on the same side now.:)

Submitted by: Augusta :)
21

I’m confused… Wait, maybe I’m not…

Submitted by: Ale Angel
17

You know how they say, “Don’t try this at home”?
I just go to my friend’s house and try it.

Submitted by: Ale Angel
44

Why did the rabbit cross the road? Chicken’s day off.

Submitted by: Mike
14

Sometimes I pretend to be normal but it gets boring so I go back to being me.:p

Submitted by: heaven
70

When life gives you lemons say, “I don’t know how to make lemonade!”

Submitted by: Sarah
50

The grass is greener on the other side…Nah…it’s Astro turf.

Submitted by: Laine
110

Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?

Submitted by: Gavin Lubbe
9

Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.

Submitted by: Carlito
30

When a girl cancels a date she cancels it because she has to…But when a boy cancels a date he cancels it because he has two.

Submitted by: shubh
18

You don’t need a parachute to sky dive, you need a parachute to sky dive twice.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Submitted by: Braylin

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