Short Funny Quotes - Page 24

70

When life gives you lemons say, “I don’t know how to make lemonade!”

Submitted by: Sarah
49

The grass is greener on the other side…Nah…it’s Astro turf.

Submitted by: Laine
109

Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?

Submitted by: Gavin Lubbe
9

Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.

Submitted by: Carlito
28

When a girl cancels a date she cancels it because she has to…But when a boy cancels a date he cancels it because he has two.

Submitted by: shubh
18

You don’t need a parachute to sky dive, you need a parachute to sky dive twice.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Submitted by: Braylin
17

Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, and you’ll end up in the hospital.

Submitted by: JoJo
2

A diplomat: One who thinks twice before saying nothing.

Submitted by: Grief
32

Four out of three people have a hard time dealing with fractions.

Submitted by: Jennette Stevens
62

I’m so awesome that whenever I ask whether I’m awesome people say no but I know it’s just pure jealousy.

Submitted by: me
41

I don’t want to look at the bright side. It’ll hurt my eye.
- Olivia

Submitted by: Olivia
44

I save trees everyday by not doing my homework.

Submitted by: yo mama
37

Dogs think: People love me, feed me, pet me, they must be God.
Cats think: People love me, feed me, pet me, I must be God.

Submitted by: Jenny
78

If life throws lemon at you, think something stupid and post it here.
Boy2God : Why my girlfriend loves a rose which dies in a day and doesn’t love me when I die for her everyday?
God2boy : Nice one dude, post it on Facebook.

Submitted by: chkyrmnd
30

The only way to look slim is to hang out with fat people.

Submitted by: joe
19

There are three kinds of people: The ones who learn by reading. The ones who learn by observation. And the rest of them who have to touch the fire to learn it’s hot.

Submitted by: David Hudson
21

True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.

Submitted by: tisha ;)
20

Most popular things to do in an emergency…
60% Update Facebook Status
15% Record a Video, then upload it on YouTube
15% Update Twitter Status
10% Call Emergency Services

Submitted by: Captain Munch
20

Good girls are bad girls who never get caught.

Submitted by: bootscooot
36

After loosing the election I sleep like a young baby .. Sleep 2 hours wake up and cry..sleep another 2 hours wake up and cry!

Submitted by: Mwanzia
60

Iwonderifanyoneknowswhatthebigstickatthebottomofthekeyboardisfor?

Submitted by: levi
63

Are you one of those people who ‘pull’ the door when it says ‘push’?

Submitted by: uygoi
62

When life gives you lemons you throw them back at life and tell life to get a life…

Submitted by: Lush-Soul
24

Brother: Did you know that ’sugar’ is the only word in the English language where the ’su’ makes the ’sh’ sound?
Sister: Really?
Brother: Yeah, I’m sure.

Submitted by: lisa
28

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
- Steven Wright

Submitted by: Phillip

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