Short Funny Quotes - Page 24
Your future depend on your what you dream, so go to sleep.
I’ll admit I’m hot, but don’t blame me for global warming.
When curiosity sees a bright red button that says “Don’t push”, it only reads the second word.
I don’t understand why funeral has the word “Fun” in it.
Whatever it is – I didn’t do it!
Some days you’re the pigeon, some days you’re the statue.
Life is too short to remove the USB device safely.
One thing wrong with common sense, it’s not very common anymore.
Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
I know it all; I just can’t remember it simultaneously.
I like the way your mind malfunctions.
I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message…
If all else fails, lower your standards.
I never give people hell. I just tell them the truth and they think its hell.
I no longer fear hell – I’ve worked in Retail.
I’m lost. I’ve gone to look for myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait.
If all else fails, read the directions.
If at first you don’t succeed, change the rules.
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
There you go again, thinking you have rights.
If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice week.
It’s not what you’re called…it’s what you answer to.
That which does not kill me had better be able to run away damn fast.
There’s a door not 10 feet away. It is a fine invention, I suggest you use it.
I always lie. Trust me.
If guns don’t kill people, but people kill people, then doesn’t that mean that toasters don’t toast toast, but instead toast toasts toast?
I’m not lying, I just forgot the truth.
If a single teacher can’t teach all the subjects then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.
Music is my drug, YouTube is my dealer.:)
It’s not cheating unless you get caught.
Avoid hangovers: stay drunk.
I still have a beautiful figure… Under couple of layers of cholesterol ;)
The amount of people that confuse “to” and “too” is amazing two me.
Do someone a favor and it becomes your job.
I’m the type of girl to walk into a chair and apologize.
I don’t have a license to kill. I have a learner’s permit.
I’m not with stupid….We broke up.
Note to self: It is illegal to stab people for being stupid.
The trouble with life is that there’s no background music.
Don’t regret doing something, regret getting caught.
I didn’t lose my mind. I sold it on eBay!
Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful! hate me because…well…okay…HATE ME BECAUSE I’M BEAUTIFUL!
Imagine your life without me… Miserable huh?
Yes, you have the right to your opinion, and I have the right to think you are stupid.
I hear voices…. And they don’t like you.