Short Funny Quotes

How can the world end in 2012l when we have yogurt that expires in 2013?

Submitted by: Sydnee

I feel bad for a giraffe who has to throw up.

Submitted by: Christian

Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
Ambrose Bierce

My favorite text message “I will be there in 5 minutes, if not read again”.

Submitted by: Loshani Sigwadi

I feel so lost without you… Mostly because you have my compass.

Submitted by: Allison

Stop asking for oranges! Some of us haven’t even received our lemons yet!!!

Submitted by: Shnooki :)

I don’t believe in superstition because it brings bad luck!

Submitted by: Some idiot

Inside me is a thin person screaming to get out … But she has trouble being heard through all the fat.

Submitted by: Freakychick

Okay
It’s been more than ten years now
I confess
I let the dogs out

Submitted by: chuka

If someone says: “No offense”, he/she is about to say something offensive.

Submitted by: lolness

Thanks to all those who ask the awkward questions on yahoo answers so that we don’t have to.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Steven Wright

Submitted by: Phillip

I don’t really care whether a glass is half empty or half full, all I know is that I want my glass filled!!

Submitted by: Funnieboiy

Welcome to the dark side. What? Surprised? We lied about the cookies.

Submitted by: Brittany B

If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?

Submitted by: Kenny

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