Short Funny Quotes
People say that I’m indecisive, but…I don’t know if I am, well maybe.
80% of all people can’t do simple mathematics. Okay, but what about the 40% who can.
Pans…can be used as weapons or shields.
I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.
– Mark Twain
Life’s hard. It’s even harder when you’re stupid.
– John Wayne
Two things are infinite : the universe and human stupidity; I’m not sure about the universe.
– Albert Einstein
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
How do you keep an idiot in suspense? Leave a message and I’ll get back to you.
I’m proud of myself I finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months, and the box said 2-4 years!
Selfishness: Lack of consideration for the selfishness of others.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn’t find anyone to copy it from.
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
14 Year Old: Santa isn’t real!
6 Year Old: Neither is Edward Cullen!
Guess who ran away crying.:p
You never hear anybody say “Lets Yahoo it”, just saying.
Even Barbie is not perfect.. I snapped off her leg.
When all else fails, read the directions.
I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday and when it’s not my birthday.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
– Steve Martin
Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance
Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Affair
Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Marriage
Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = pregnancy
It’s funny when a dare devil blasts past you in the traffic when you’re just cruising and when you pull up to the traffic lights you’re next to him!