Short Funny Quotes

My favorite text message “I will be there in 5 minutes, if not read again”.

Submitted by: Loshani Sigwadi

“Behind Every Gorgeous Female, Lies A Lot Of Envious Chicks”

Submitted by: Babyboy Official

I feel bad for a giraffe who has to throw up.

Submitted by: Christian

Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
Ambrose Bierce

I feel so lost without you… Mostly because you have my compass.

Submitted by: Allison

Stop asking for oranges! Some of us haven’t even received our lemons yet!!!

Submitted by: Shnooki :)

I don’t believe in superstition because it brings bad luck!

Submitted by: Some idiot

In the beginning God made the heaven and the earth. The rest was made in China.

Submitted by: katie-renee

Inside me is a thin person screaming to get out … But she has trouble being heard through all the fat.

Submitted by: Freakychick

Okay
It’s been more than ten years now
I confess
I let the dogs out

Submitted by: chuka

If someone says: “No offense”, he/she is about to say something offensive.

Submitted by: lolness

Thanks to all those who ask the awkward questions on yahoo answers so that we don’t have to.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion…it’s just that yours is stupid.

Submitted by: dan

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Steven Wright

Submitted by: Phillip

I don’t really care whether a glass is half empty or half full, all I know is that I want my glass filled!!

Submitted by: Funnieboiy

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