Short Funny Quotes
My favorite text message “I will be there in 5 minutes, if not read again”.
“Behind Every Gorgeous Female, Lies A Lot Of Envious Chicks”
I feel bad for a giraffe who has to throw up.
Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
– Ambrose Bierce
I feel so lost without you… Mostly because you have my compass.
Stop asking for oranges! Some of us haven’t even received our lemons yet!!!
I don’t believe in superstition because it brings bad luck!
In the beginning God made the heaven and the earth. The rest was made in China.
Inside me is a thin person screaming to get out … But she has trouble being heard through all the fat.
It’s been more than ten years now
I let the dogs out
If someone says: “No offense”, he/she is about to say something offensive.
Thanks to all those who ask the awkward questions on yahoo answers so that we don’t have to.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion…it’s just that yours is stupid.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
– Steven Wright
I don’t really care whether a glass is half empty or half full, all I know is that I want my glass filled!!