Short Funny Quotes - Page 26
Everything is legal. Until you get caught.
All work and no play makes Jack a manager.
Everyone wants to top in exams but no one wants to study.
Chuck Norris doesn’t watch TV, TV watches Chuck Norris.
What software would you recommend to give my presentation with so much flash and sizzle that nobody notices that I have nothing to say?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If “poli” means many, and “tics” mean bloodsucking creatures, then what does “politics” mean?
Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.
What do you call a cow during an earthquake?
If money grew on trees, girls would date monkeys!!!
An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.
When life gives you lemons, sell them and buy the fruit you like.
They say, it’s darkest before dawn…so if you’re gonna steal your neighbors newspaper, that’s the right time to do it.
If you see one goose it is called a goose. If you see more then one its called geese. How come when you see more then one moose it isn’t calles meese?
Students are the only costumers who don’t want what they paid for.
We all know what the speed of light is…what’s the speed of dark?!
Mother In Law, an anagram of, Woman Hitler
If you want to look young and skinny stand next to a bunch of fat old people.
Patience is a procrastinators excuse!!!
Despite the cost of living it’s still quite popular.
Girl: If you were my husband I would poison your coffee.
Boy: If you were my wife I’d drink it.
Stop asking for oranges! Some of us haven’t even received our lemons yet!!!
I still have a beautiful figure… Under couple of layers of cholesterol ;)
I haven’t lost it. I just misplaced it…somewhere on this planet.
The correct phobic term for the fear of long words? Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia (!)
If silence is golden, then random screaming in public places is platinum! :D