Short Funny Quotes
It’s funny when a dare devil blasts past you in the traffic when you’re just cruising and when you pull up to the traffic lights you’re next to him!
There are two types of human beings found on Facebook.
One who gets enormous amount of likes and comments on their posts.
And the others are men.
All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of potato chips!
A wise man once told me to always listen carefully because…um…I forgot.
Extension of common sense leads to confusion..
Define unfair advantage? Um…a crocodile in a smiling contest.
From great power comes a great electricity bill.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
– Henny Youngman
I’m not a procrastinator. I’m just extremely productive at unimportant things.
I hate how when I read in my head I sound like a pro, but when I read out loud I sound like an idiot.
Amamda: My teacher pointed at me with a ruler today.
Amanda: He said, “There is an idiot at the end of this ruler”
Karmenia: Ohhhhh he called you an idiot??
Amanda: No I got detention for asking which end he was talking about.
Karnebua: That’s ma girl!
Funny how stressed spelled backwards is desserts.
If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?
– Jerry Seinfeld
Poor : When you have too much month at the end of your money.
Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up. :D
Alcohol – Because no great story every started with someone eating a salad.
Be the kind of woman that when your feet touch the ground in the morning, the devils says “Oh no she’s up.”
I don’t want to look at the bright side. It’ll hurt my eye.
A clear conscience is a sign of a bad memory.
If life gave Lady Gaga lemons, she would make an outfit out of them.