Short Funny Quotes

If someone says: “No offense”, he/she is about to say something offensive.

Submitted by: lolness

Insult: If beauty fades you have nothing to worry about.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

No matter how old or how bad a** you think you are, when a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!!

Submitted by: Bijoysarkarsam/fb.com

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Steven Wright

Submitted by: Phillip

Okay
It’s been more than ten years now
I confess
I let the dogs out

Submitted by: chuka

I feel so lost without you… Mostly because you have my compass.

Submitted by: Allison

The only way to look slim is to hang out with fat people.

Submitted by: joe

Thanks to all those who ask the awkward questions on yahoo answers so that we don’t have to.

Welcome to the dark side. What? Surprised? We lied about the cookies.

Submitted by: Brittany B

Inside me is a thin person screaming to get out … But she has trouble being heard through all the fat.

Submitted by: Freakychick
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I don’t really care whether a glass is half empty or half full, all I know is that I want my glass filled!!

Submitted by: Funnieboiy

Who invented Mondays, I’d like to have a word with him.

Submitted by: Ezzard

Hardest job ever: Working in a bubble wrap factory. Imagine the self control needed.

Be a nerd – no one can kill what already has no life.

Submitted by: blarg

Daughter- iPod,
SON- iPhone,
MOM- iPad,
DAD- iPay.. …!

Submitted by: sparihar10@facebook.com

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