Short Funny Quotes

Stop asking for oranges! Some of us haven’t even received our lemons yet!!!

Submitted by: Shnooki :)

If someone says: “No offense”, he/she is about to say something offensive.

Submitted by: lolness

Inside me is a thin person screaming to get out … But she has trouble being heard through all the fat.

Submitted by: Freakychick

Okay
It’s been more than ten years now
I confess
I let the dogs out

Submitted by: chuka

Thanks to all those who ask the awkward questions on yahoo answers so that we don’t have to.

Insult: If beauty fades you have nothing to worry about.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

No matter how old or how bad a** you think you are, when a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!!

Submitted by: Bijoysarkarsam/fb.com

Welcome to the dark side. What? Surprised? We lied about the cookies.

Submitted by: Brittany B

I don’t really care whether a glass is half empty or half full, all I know is that I want my glass filled!!

Submitted by: Funnieboiy

If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?

Submitted by: Kenny

The only way to look slim is to hang out with fat people.

Submitted by: joe

Be a nerd – no one can kill what already has no life.

Submitted by: blarg

Who invented Mondays, I’d like to have a word with him.

Submitted by: Ezzard

Hardest job ever: Working in a bubble wrap factory. Imagine the self control needed.

Daughter- iPod,
SON- iPhone,
MOM- iPad,
DAD- iPay.. …!

Submitted by: sparihar10@facebook.com

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