Short Funny Quotes

If someone says: “No offense”, he/she is about to say something offensive.

Submitted by: lolness

Thanks to all those who ask the awkward questions on yahoo answers so that we don’t have to.

I don’t really care whether a glass is half empty or half full, all I know is that I want my glass filled!!

Submitted by: Funnieboiy

If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?

Submitted by: Kenny

The only way to look slim is to hang out with fat people.

Submitted by: joe

Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep.
Albert Camus

Insult: If beauty fades you have nothing to worry about.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

I really hate cigarettes. Whenever I see one, I lit it up.

Submitted by: pied piper

Welcome to the dark side. What? Surprised? We lied about the cookies.

Submitted by: Brittany B

Who invented Mondays, I’d like to have a word with him.

Submitted by: Ezzard

Be a nerd – no one can kill what already has no life.

Submitted by: blarg

Daughter- iPod,
SON- iPhone,
MOM- iPad,
DAD- iPay.. …!

Submitted by:

Hardest job ever: Working in a bubble wrap factory. Imagine the self control needed.

All of us would like to vote for the best president, unfortunately he is never a candidate.

Submitted by: Yung Zavage

It is not easy going through life and being perfect. I thought I made a mistake once, but it turned out I was wrong.

Submitted by: Patrick Sullivan

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