Short Funny Quotes

“Behind Every Gorgeous Female, Lies A Lot Of Envious Chicks”

Submitted by: Babyboy Official

I feel bad for a giraffe who has to throw up.

Submitted by: Christian

Who invented Mondays, I’d like to have a word with him.

Submitted by: Ezzard

To do is to be. – Socrates
To be is to do. – Sartre
Do be do be do. – Frank Sinatra
– Kurt Vonnegut

Submitted by: Ashley Rushbrook

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Steven Wright

Submitted by: Phillip
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Stop asking for oranges! Some of us haven’t even received our lemons yet!!!

Submitted by: Shnooki :)

If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?

Submitted by: Kenny

If someone says: “No offense”, he/she is about to say something offensive.

Submitted by: lolness

Thanks to all those who ask the awkward questions on yahoo answers so that we don’t have to.

Okay
It’s been more than ten years now
I confess
I let the dogs out

Submitted by: chuka

I feel so lost without you… Mostly because you have my compass.

Submitted by: Allison
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The only way to look slim is to hang out with fat people.

Submitted by: joe

Hardest job ever: Working in a bubble wrap factory. Imagine the self control needed.

There’s nothing to fear. Except maybe that weird guy over there.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
Groucho Marx

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