Short Funny Quotes - Page 26
Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on the roll. B- ) or you’re taking cr*p from some a**hole. (:
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way, that you actually look forward to going there.
“Behind Every Gorgeous Female, Lies A Lot Of Envious Chicks”
Toilet paper: highly useful, yet inappropriate as a gift.
My idea of multi- tasking is using a knife and fork at the same time.
Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.
I am here so what are your other two wishes?
Hating me won’t make you pretty!
If I followed you home, would you keep me?
You are like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!
Vegetarian don’t kill the animals for eating; they eat the animals’ food.
Cousin: Why are you so lazy?
Me: I’m not lazy I’m just saving my energy.
There is only one machine in the casino that will give you money. ATM.
The more I study, the more I know, the more I know, the more I forget, the more I forget, the less I know so why study?
Every time I meet the girl of my dreams someone wakes me up.
Get Well Soon!
Why Get Well Soon?
Why Not Get Well Now?
I Know Because You Want Me To Suffer!!!
Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
I’ll think of something witty to say about it later.
Well if life does not give you water and sugar too, your lemonade is going to suck!
I was born a week early, so I’ve been running late ever since to make up for it.
If you think you are too small to have an impact, try going to bed with a mosquito.
When life gives you lemons, ask why…cos I don’t get it.