Short Funny Quotes - Page 26

22

Everything is legal. Until you get caught.

Submitted by: maryyyy.
47

All work and no play makes Jack a manager.

Submitted by: Chiza
39

Everyone wants to top in exams but no one wants to study.

Submitted by: adarshkumar
105

Chuck Norris doesn’t watch TV, TV watches Chuck Norris.

Submitted by: DMR
42

What software would you recommend to give my presentation with so much flash and sizzle that nobody notices that I have nothing to say?

Submitted by: fred
29

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If “poli” means many, and “tics” mean bloodsucking creatures, then what does “politics” mean?

Submitted by: Laura
30

Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.

Submitted by: Ujjwal
47

What do you call a cow during an earthquake?
Milkshake

Submitted by: ameago
57

If money grew on trees, girls would date monkeys!!!

Submitted by: Joseph
24

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.

Submitted by: Mahum
73

When life gives you lemons, sell them and buy the fruit you like.

Submitted by: Wasif Manjoor
34

They say, it’s darkest before dawn…so if you’re gonna steal your neighbors newspaper, that’s the right time to do it.

Submitted by: Raghav
48

If you see one goose it is called a goose. If you see more then one its called geese. How come when you see more then one moose it isn’t calles meese?

Submitted by: ME
37

Students are the only costumers who don’t want what they paid for.

Submitted by: bukenyaaw
43

We all know what the speed of light is…what’s the speed of dark?!

Submitted by: Ryerye
26

Mother In Law, an anagram of, Woman Hitler

Submitted by: :..Guy..
20

If you want to look young and skinny stand next to a bunch of fat old people.

Submitted by: abby
25

Patience is a procrastinators excuse!!!

Submitted by: Heather
19

Despite the cost of living it’s still quite popular.

Submitted by: Tim Braithwaite
37

Girl: If you were my husband I would poison your coffee.
Boy: If you were my wife I’d drink it.

Submitted by: Carlos
33

Stop asking for oranges! Some of us haven’t even received our lemons yet!!!

Submitted by: Shnooki :)
24

I still have a beautiful figure… Under couple of layers of cholesterol ;)

Submitted by: hard2handle
21

I haven’t lost it. I just misplaced it…somewhere on this planet.

Submitted by: Brandon
25

The correct phobic term for the fear of long words? Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia (!)

Submitted by: Solberto_Coronavich
40

If silence is golden, then random screaming in public places is platinum! :D

Submitted by: Robert Gonzalez

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