Short Funny Quotes
I retired early for health reasons – my company was sick of me and I was sick of them.
We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, “Why god? Why me?” and the thundering voice of God answered, There’s just something about you that pisses me off.
I talk to myself because I only talk to people of a higher class.
When Life Gives You Lemons… Throw Them Back And Demand Chocolate.
I Totally Just Made That Up 8 ]
If money grew on trees, girls would date monkeys!!!
Steal money from pessimists. They’ll never expect it back!
Why don’t you ever see Cupid with a girlfriend?
You know how they say, “Don’t try this at home”?
I just go to my friend’s house and try it.
Relatives are like fires, the sooner they’re out, the better.
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.