Short Funny Quotes
If someone says: “No offense”, he/she is about to say something offensive.
Insult: If beauty fades you have nothing to worry about.
No matter how old or how bad a** you think you are, when a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!!
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
– Steven Wright
It’s been more than ten years now
I let the dogs out
I feel so lost without you… Mostly because you have my compass.
The only way to look slim is to hang out with fat people.
Thanks to all those who ask the awkward questions on yahoo answers so that we don’t have to.
Welcome to the dark side. What? Surprised? We lied about the cookies.
Inside me is a thin person screaming to get out … But she has trouble being heard through all the fat.
I don’t really care whether a glass is half empty or half full, all I know is that I want my glass filled!!
Who invented Mondays, I’d like to have a word with him.
Hardest job ever: Working in a bubble wrap factory. Imagine the self control needed.
Be a nerd – no one can kill what already has no life.
DAD- iPay.. …!