Short Funny Quotes

Stop asking for oranges! Some of us haven’t even received our lemons yet!!!

Submitted by: Shnooki :)

If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?

Submitted by: Kenny

If someone says: “No offense”, he/she is about to say something offensive.

Submitted by: lolness

Let husband and wife never speak to one another in loud tones,unless the house is on fire.
– David O. McKay

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Steven Wright

Submitted by: Phillip

Okay
It’s been more than ten years now
I confess
I let the dogs out

Submitted by: chuka

I feel so lost without you… Mostly because you have my compass.

Submitted by: Allison
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The only way to look slim is to hang out with fat people.

Submitted by: joe

Thanks to all those who ask the awkward questions on yahoo answers so that we don’t have to.

Welcome to the dark side. What? Surprised? We lied about the cookies.

Submitted by: Brittany B

Inside me is a thin person screaming to get out … But she has trouble being heard through all the fat.

Submitted by: Freakychick

I don’t really care whether a glass is half empty or half full, all I know is that I want my glass filled!!

Submitted by: Funnieboiy
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Who invented Mondays, I’d like to have a word with him.

Submitted by: Ezzard

It takes one woman twenty years to make a man of her son – and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.
Helen Rowland

Daughter- iPod,
SON- iPhone,
MOM- iPad,
DAD- iPay.. …!

Submitted by: sparihar10@facebook.com

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