Short Funny Quotes - Page 27
I retired early for health reasons – my company was sick of me and I was sick of them.
There’s no half- singing in the shower, you’re either a rock star or an opera diva.
Is life fair? Short answer, no. Long answer, Nooooooo.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
Diplomacy is telling someone to “Go to Hell” in such a way, that they look forward to taking the trip.
This is my life and I don’t let others ruin it !!… I wanna do it myself :D
Be nice to nerds, because you may end up working for one!
Notice: Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
I like poetry, long walks on the beach, and poking dead things with a stick!
Why is it that when something is delivered by truck, we call it a shipment, but when it’s delivered by ship we call it cargo?
I just wanna be rich enough to have Morgan Freeman read me bedtime stories.