Short Funny Quotes

Patience is a procrastinators excuse!!!

Submitted by: Heather

Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep.
Albert Camus

No matter how old or how bad a** you think you are, when a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!!

Submitted by: Bijoysarkarsam/fb.com

I really hate cigarettes. Whenever I see one, I lit it up.

Submitted by: pied piper

If the batteries in our T.V remote are dead … Why do we keep pushing the button until our fingers hurt ?

Submitted by: littleredridinghood.

I went to see my psychiatrist the other day and told him that I was talking to myself. He replied, “That’s all right. Just hold a mobile phone by your mouth.”

Submitted by: Robert D Dangoor

If I spoke my mind, I would be in deep trouble.

Submitted by: katie

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then againm neither does milk.

I have CDO, it’s like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order…As they should be.

Tell your girlfriend, I said thanks…!

Submitted by: mallikarjun

My therapist says that I can’t see you anymore because you make me crazy.

Submitted by: day

Interesting confusions:
Can you cry under water?
Do fishes ever get thirsty?
Why don’t birds fall off trees when they sleep?
When they say dogs food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Why does round pizza come in a square box?
Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle?

Submitted by: red sunny

When I get bored, I look through my entire phone to see if there are any cool options I missed.

Curiosity killed the cat, and saved the rat.

Submitted by: sum

Why is it called a walkie- talkie if a vacuum cleaner isn’t called a pushy- sucky?

Submitted by: Quintin

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