Short Funny Quotes

I went to see my psychiatrist the other day and told him that I was talking to myself. He replied, “That’s all right. Just hold a mobile phone by your mouth.”

Submitted by: Robert D Dangoor

I hate how Monday is so far away from Friday and Friday is so close to Monday.

It’s recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.
– Harry S Truman

I have CDO, it’s like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order…As they should be.

If I spoke my mind, I would be in deep trouble.

Submitted by: katie

I really hate cigarettes. Whenever I see one, I lit it up.

Submitted by: pied piper

My therapist says that I can’t see you anymore because you make me crazy.

Submitted by: day

When I get bored, I look through my entire phone to see if there are any cool options I missed.

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then againm neither does milk.

No matter how old or how bad a** you think you are, when a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!!

Submitted by: Bijoysarkarsam/fb.com

Curiosity killed the cat, and saved the rat.

Submitted by: sum

Tell your girlfriend, I said thanks…!

Submitted by: mallikarjun

Why is it called a walkie- talkie if a vacuum cleaner isn’t called a pushy- sucky?

Submitted by: Quintin

If facebook was a subject I’d get A+++

Submitted by: Hassan Khan Sekmani

Interesting confusions:
Can you cry under water?
Do fishes ever get thirsty?
Why don’t birds fall off trees when they sleep?
When they say dogs food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Why does round pizza come in a square box?
Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle?

Submitted by: red sunny

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