Short Funny Quotes
School is like a prison. But they won’t let you out early for good behavior.
Suicide is the most sincere form of self- criticism.
When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
– Gracie Allen
If Microsoft buys Facebook. Than the first notification we will get will be: “You have to install driver to add friends”.
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
If Facebook ruins relationships then guns kill people, pencils misspell words, cars make people drive drunk & spoons make you fat.
I’m giving you a definite maybe.
– Sam Goldwyn
I know only two tunes. One of them is “Yankee Doodle” and the other isn’t.
– Ulysses S. Grant
Yes, females do pursue me (if you count mosquitoes).
It’s bad luck to be superstitious.
Celibacy is not hereditary.
Excuse me, but do these stairs go up?
Traffic is moving at a standstill.
– Traffic Reporter
This project is so important that we can’t let things that are more important interfere with it.
Winter related injuries occur more often in winter.
Don’t trouble the trouble unless the trouble troubles you…if you trouble the trouble ..the trouble will double trouble you.
Common sense is the sense rarely found in common people.
Everything is legal. Until you get caught.
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
– Sam Levenson
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
– W. C. Fields
I live in my own little world. But its ok, they know me here.
– Lauren Myracle
Don’t be so humble – you are not that great.
– Golda Meir
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
– Bill Watterson
The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you never know if they are genuine.
– Abraham Lincoln
Love is so confusing – you tell a girl she looks great and what’s the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!
– Robert Orben
Life is too short to remove the USB device safely.
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again ?
There is a light at the end of every tunnel…just pray it’s not a train!.