Short Funny Quotes - Page 27
Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped
Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.
Never steal. The government hates competition.
I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
I’m an excellent housekeeper..Every time I get divorce I keep the house ;- )
When I die, I wanna go like my grandpa…peacfully…sleeping…not screaming, like the passengers in his car…
Some call it stalking I call it love.
Why do I end up liking the guy I can only think of.
I was uncool before being uncool was cool!
Get like you? naw Get like me.
I called your boyfriend g*y…and then he hit me with his purse.
When I said “I’d hit that” I meant with my car.
Go buy yourself a life on e- bay.
Few women admit their ages a few men act theirs.
People want what they can’t have and when they get it they don’t want it anymore.
Practice makes perfect, but if no ones perfect, why practice?
Notice that you are noticing nothing worth noticing?
If you think no one notices you and you’re all alone, then try not paying the bills!!! hahaha
Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?
THINK its not illegal yet
I ran into my ex today…put it in reverse and did it again!!!
Love is like getting sick,
Because everyone goes through it.
My mind is like lighting, one brilliant flash, then its gone…:(
Why do people say life is short? Live the longest thing you could ever do…
Coffee, Chocolate, Men. The richer the better!
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get. ];
Curiosity killed the cat, and saved the rat.
Everybody wishes they could go to heaven but no one wants to die.
So she smashed her rearview mirror,
cause from now on shes never looking back
Never argue with an idiot they’ll drag you down to their level and beat you through experience
Never judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. By that time, they’ll be a mile away and barefoot.
You cry, I cry, …you laugh, I laugh…you jump off a cliff I laugh even harder!!
When I speak with my eyes, I tell more than just one story.
Some people are like Slinky’s. Pretty much useless but make you smile when you push them down the stairs. :)
**when life gives you lemons.. Squirt it in your enemies eyes!!***
When life gives you lemons say “Screw you” And go find an orange.
Everything comes out right in the end, and if it isnt right, it isnt the end.
If you can’t get someone out of your head,
.. Then maybe they are supposed to be there. <3
I am here so what are your other two wishes?
Hating me won’t make you pretty!
If I followed you home, would you keep me?
You are like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!
My Reality Check bounced.
All guys hate the words DON’T and STOP unless they’re put together.
Do not drink and drive
or you might spill the drink.
When life gives you lemons…throw them over your shoulder and look for an orange
It is easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission.
No’one is perfect,
well then im no’one