Short Funny Quotes

I always lie. Trust me.

Submitted by: AlexL

What do I do when I see someone extremely gorgeous…? I stare, I smile, and when I get tired.. I put the mirror down. ;)

Submitted by: liliaaa

If the batteries in our T.V remote are dead … Why do we keep pushing the button until our fingers hurt ?

Submitted by: littleredridinghood.

It is not easy going through life and being perfect. I thought I made a mistake once, but it turned out I was wrong.

Submitted by: Patrick Sullivan

I have CDO, it’s like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order…As they should be.

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If I spoke my mind, I would be in deep trouble.

Submitted by: katie

Insult: If you’re dating an idiot, you have found your perfect match.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

Make up can make you beautiful on the outside. It wont work if your ugly on the inside. Unless you eat the makeup.

Why is it called a walkie- talkie if a vacuum cleaner isn’t called a pushy- sucky?

Submitted by: Quintin

Interesting confusions:
Can you cry under water?
Do fishes ever get thirsty?
Why don’t birds fall off trees when they sleep?
When they say dogs food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Why does round pizza come in a square box?
Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle?

Submitted by: red sunny

I went to see my psychiatrist the other day and told him that I was talking to myself. He replied, “That’s all right. Just hold a mobile phone by your mouth.”

Submitted by: Robert D Dangoor
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How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelette?
George Carlin

If the world really ends in 2012, I wasted my whole life in school.

Submitted by: Candygirl

Curiosity killed the cat, and saved the rat.

Submitted by: sum

Tell your girlfriend, I said thanks…!

Submitted by: mallikarjun

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