Short Funny Quotes
My therapist says that I can’t see you anymore because you make me crazy.
Can you cry under water?
Do fishes ever get thirsty?
Why don’t birds fall off trees when they sleep?
When they say dogs food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Why does round pizza come in a square box?
Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle?
When I get bored, I look through my entire phone to see if there are any cool options I missed.
Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.
– Frank Sinatra
If you can’t impress anyone with your intelligence confuse them with your bulls***!!!
It has come to my attention, that air pollution is polluting the air!
– George W. Bush
If facebook was a subject I’d get A+++
There’s no vaccine against stupid.
You don’t need a parachute to sky dive, you need a parachute to sky dive twice.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Every person tells minimum of 4 lies per day so approx 1490 lies a year! and the most common and favorite lies are I am fine and I was very busy…:)
Whoever said words don’t hurt never got hit in the head with a dictionary.
Insult: If you’re dating an idiot, you have found your perfect match.
How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelette?
– George Carlin
I saw a bug then I thought of you so I stepped on it.
Homework kills trees.
So don’t do homework.