Short Funny Quotes

My therapist says that I can’t see you anymore because you make me crazy.

Submitted by: day

Interesting confusions:
Can you cry under water?
Do fishes ever get thirsty?
Why don’t birds fall off trees when they sleep?
When they say dogs food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Why does round pizza come in a square box?
Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle?

Submitted by: red sunny

When I get bored, I look through my entire phone to see if there are any cool options I missed.

Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.
– Frank Sinatra

If you can’t impress anyone with your intelligence confuse them with your bulls***!!!

Submitted by: Buju Aka Israr

It has come to my attention, that air pollution is polluting the air!
George W. Bush

If facebook was a subject I’d get A+++

Submitted by: Hassan Khan Sekmani

There’s no vaccine against stupid.

You don’t need a parachute to sky dive, you need a parachute to sky dive twice.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Submitted by: Braylin

Every person tells minimum of 4 lies per day so approx 1490 lies a year! and the most common and favorite lies are I am fine and I was very busy…:)

Submitted by: paddu

Whoever said words don’t hurt never got hit in the head with a dictionary.

Submitted by: MrCoolGuy

Insult: If you’re dating an idiot, you have found your perfect match.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelette?
George Carlin

I saw a bug then I thought of you so I stepped on it.

Submitted by: :)Skyler(:

Homework kills trees.
So don’t do homework.

Submitted by: Krystal

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