Short Funny Quotes

If I spoke my mind, I would be in deep trouble.

Submitted by: katie

Insult: If you’re dating an idiot, you have found your perfect match.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

Why is it called a walkie- talkie if a vacuum cleaner isn’t called a pushy- sucky?

Submitted by: Quintin

Interesting confusions:
Can you cry under water?
Do fishes ever get thirsty?
Why don’t birds fall off trees when they sleep?
When they say dogs food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Why does round pizza come in a square box?
Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle?

Submitted by: red sunny

There’s no vaccine against stupid.

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It has come to my attention, that air pollution is polluting the air!
George W. Bush

Curiosity killed the cat, and saved the rat.

Submitted by: sum

Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.
– Frank Sinatra

Make up can make you beautiful on the outside. It wont work if your ugly on the inside. Unless you eat the makeup.

Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
Groucho Marx

What do I do when I see someone extremely gorgeous…? I stare, I smile, and when I get tired.. I put the mirror down. ;)

Submitted by: liliaaa
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Tell your girlfriend, I said thanks…!

Submitted by: mallikarjun

My therapist says that I can’t see you anymore because you make me crazy.

Submitted by: day

When I get bored, I look through my entire phone to see if there are any cool options I missed.

How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelette?
George Carlin

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