Short Funny Quotes

Why is it called a walkie- talkie if a vacuum cleaner isn’t called a pushy- sucky?

Submitted by: Quintin

My therapist says that I can’t see you anymore because you make me crazy.

Submitted by: day

Interesting confusions:
Can you cry under water?
Do fishes ever get thirsty?
Why don’t birds fall off trees when they sleep?
When they say dogs food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Why does round pizza come in a square box?
Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle?

Submitted by: red sunny

When I get bored, I look through my entire phone to see if there are any cool options I missed.

There’s no vaccine against stupid.

Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.
– Frank Sinatra

It has come to my attention, that air pollution is polluting the air!
George W. Bush

If facebook was a subject I’d get A+++

Submitted by: Hassan Khan Sekmani

You don’t need a parachute to sky dive, you need a parachute to sky dive twice.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Submitted by: Braylin

Insult: If you’re dating an idiot, you have found your perfect match.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

It takes one woman twenty years to make a man of her son – and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.
Helen Rowland

Let husband and wife never speak to one another in loud tones,unless the house is on fire.
– David O. McKay

How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelette?
George Carlin

I saw a bug then I thought of you so I stepped on it.

Submitted by: :)Skyler(:

What do I do when I see someone extremely gorgeous…? I stare, I smile, and when I get tired.. I put the mirror down. ;)

Submitted by: liliaaa

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