Short Funny Quotes
Why is it called a walkie- talkie if a vacuum cleaner isn’t called a pushy- sucky?
My therapist says that I can’t see you anymore because you make me crazy.
Can you cry under water?
Do fishes ever get thirsty?
Why don’t birds fall off trees when they sleep?
When they say dogs food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Why does round pizza come in a square box?
Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle?
When I get bored, I look through my entire phone to see if there are any cool options I missed.
There’s no vaccine against stupid.
Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.
– Frank Sinatra
It has come to my attention, that air pollution is polluting the air!
– George W. Bush
If facebook was a subject I’d get A+++
You don’t need a parachute to sky dive, you need a parachute to sky dive twice.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Insult: If you’re dating an idiot, you have found your perfect match.
It takes one woman twenty years to make a man of her son – and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.
– Helen Rowland
Let husband and wife never speak to one another in loud tones,unless the house is on fire.
– David O. McKay
How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelette?
– George Carlin
I saw a bug then I thought of you so I stepped on it.
What do I do when I see someone extremely gorgeous…? I stare, I smile, and when I get tired.. I put the mirror down. ;)