Short Funny Quotes - Page 29
The voices in my head aren’t real…my dog told me so.
I stepped on a cheerio this morning… Does that make me a cereal killer?
My password is ********* How many asterisks do you use for your password?
4 out of 5 atheists don’t believe in God.
I bet Einstein would have liked color.
I didn’t think it would involve thinking.
I snore on purpose.
Organically grown poisons are healthier.
When I was a kid, I could buy a dollar for ten cents.
It takes patience to listen.. It takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is ‘never try’.
If your life isn’t rich and creamy, you bought the wrong box of chocolates!!
Don’t believe any rumor until the government denies it.
Before giving a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare.
Superman really isn’t that impressive, anyone can stop a speeding bullet at least once.
He who laughs last… Well, laughs last… What were you expecting me to say!!!
I’m on a seafood diet.. I see food and then I eat it.
If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot!
I had superpowers until my therapist took them away!
Who needs rhetorical questions?
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
- Groucho Marx
Be nice to nerds, because you may end up working for one!
A “Lion” would never cheat on his wife but a “Tiger Wood”.
You: Does everything I say have to mean something?
Me: Apparently not…babble on
This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog.
There is no I in fail… WAIT!…
I put the pro in procrastination.
Well if life does not give you water and sugar too, your lemonade is going to suck!
Never judge a book by its cover…read the cliff notes!
When the short people attack you, you won’t see them coming.
I didn’t trip; I was testing gravity. It still works.
L.O.L has gone from meaning laugh out loud to I have nothing else to say.
Pandas are the least racist..they’re black, white, and Asian
Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver, blue, purple, orange and all those other colors now.
I’m afraid of my mailman……..he knows where I live!!