Short Funny Quotes - Page 29

36

The voices in my head aren’t real…my dog told me so.

Submitted by: Blayze
66

I stepped on a cheerio this morning… Does that make me a cereal killer?

Submitted by: Kristine
7

My password is ********* How many asterisks do you use for your password?
4 out of 5 atheists don’t believe in God.
I bet Einstein would have liked color.
I didn’t think it would involve thinking.
I snore on purpose.
Organically grown poisons are healthier.
When I was a kid, I could buy a dollar for ten cents.

Submitted by: bertman
15

It takes patience to listen.. It takes skill to pretend you’re listening.

Submitted by: marcus lomax
70

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is ‘never try’.

Submitted by: Craig Charles Smith
67

If your life isn’t rich and creamy, you bought the wrong box of chocolates!!

Submitted by: heather
36

Don’t believe any rumor until the government denies it.

Submitted by: Bonface stom
28

Before giving a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare.

Submitted by: erskmor4
31

Superman really isn’t that impressive, anyone can stop a speeding bullet at least once.

Submitted by: Amnichil
94

He who laughs last… Well, laughs last… What were you expecting me to say!!!

Submitted by: Tony Santos
38

I’m on a seafood diet.. I see food and then I eat it.

Submitted by: Karen V :D
38

If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot!

Submitted by: Saadi
35

I had superpowers until my therapist took them away!

Submitted by: Beth
42

Who needs rhetorical questions?

Submitted by: conapetaz
38

I intend to live forever, or die trying.
- Groucho Marx

Submitted by: Wes
40

Be nice to nerds, because you may end up working for one!

Submitted by: beto
80

A “Lion” would never cheat on his wife but a “Tiger Wood”.

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Submitted by: Lakiyah King
64

You: Does everything I say have to mean something?
Me: Apparently not…babble on

Submitted by: Dori
299

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog.

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Submitted by: amal
94

There is no I in fail… WAIT!…

Submitted by: Lol...
44

I put the pro in procrastination.

Submitted by: Theodore
58

Well if life does not give you water and sugar too, your lemonade is going to suck!

Submitted by: Lea
88

Never judge a book by its cover…read the cliff notes!

Submitted by: Muley
38

When the short people attack you, you won’t see them coming.
I didn’t trip; I was testing gravity. It still works.

Submitted by: SUmmy
48

L.O.L has gone from meaning laugh out loud to I have nothing else to say.
Pandas are the least racist..they’re black, white, and Asian
Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver, blue, purple, orange and all those other colors now.
I’m afraid of my mailman……..he knows where I live!!

Submitted by: SUmmy

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