Short Funny Quotes - Page 29

36

Business is stealing other people’s money legally.
Funny Quote: Business is stealing other people’s money legally.

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Submitted by: salehe hemedi
143

If you can’t change a girl, change the girl.

Submitted by: Sunny
45

I really hate cigarettes. Whenever I see one, I lit it up.

Submitted by: pied piper
29

Teacher: Imagine you’re in a world with dinosaurs and a dinosaur was going to eat you. What would you do?
Boy: Easy, stop imagining.

Submitted by: Cupcake
58

Be a nerd – no one can kill what already has no life.

Submitted by: blarg
103

When life gives you lemon
.
.
.
.
accept it silently
cos you might be having Vitamin C deficiency

Submitted by: Ali Asger
119

Patience is a waste of time.
Classical music just confuses all the other voices in my head.
My password is ********* How many asterisks do you use for your password?
If you think things can’t get worse it’s probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.
I get bored in church. Why would I want to go to heaven?
I bet Einstein would have liked color.
I snore on purpose.
When I was a kid, I could buy a dollar for ten cents.

Submitted by: bertman
43

He who laughs last doesn’t get it, and he who laughs first has the dirtiest mind!

Submitted by: crazy**** :)
40

What do I do when I see someone extremely gorgeous…? I stare, I smile, and when I get tired.. I put the mirror down. ;)

Submitted by: liliaaa
95

Join the army, visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

Submitted by: Tina
30

Smile and the world smiles with you.
Laugh and they’ll think your on drugs.

Submitted by: Holli
37

The voices in my head aren’t real…my dog told me so.

Submitted by: Blayze
67

I stepped on a cheerio this morning… Does that make me a cereal killer?

Submitted by: Kristine
8

My password is ********* How many asterisks do you use for your password?
4 out of 5 atheists don’t believe in God.
I bet Einstein would have liked color.
I didn’t think it would involve thinking.
I snore on purpose.
Organically grown poisons are healthier.
When I was a kid, I could buy a dollar for ten cents.

Submitted by: bertman
15

It takes patience to listen.. It takes skill to pretend you’re listening.

Submitted by: marcus lomax
71

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is ‘never try’.

Submitted by: Craig Charles Smith
67

If your life isn’t rich and creamy, you bought the wrong box of chocolates!!

Submitted by: heather
36

Don’t believe any rumor until the government denies it.

Submitted by: Bonface stom
28

Before giving a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare.

Submitted by: erskmor4
31

Superman really isn’t that impressive, anyone can stop a speeding bullet at least once.

Submitted by: Amnichil
96

He who laughs last… Well, laughs last… What were you expecting me to say!!!

Submitted by: Tony Santos
39

I’m on a seafood diet.. I see food and then I eat it.

Submitted by: Karen V :D
38

If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot!

Submitted by: Saadi
35

I had superpowers until my therapist took them away!

Submitted by: Beth
42

Who needs rhetorical questions?

Submitted by: conapetaz

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