Short Funny Quotes - Page 3

27

If soap tasted good I would never get clean.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
9

During surgery: “God performs miracles. I don’t.”

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
20

My tiger is my best friend. After the cage is closed.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
42

We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up. After I finish laughing!

Submitted by: BestFriend
15

Without my driver’s license, you’ll just have to believe the age I tell you.

10

Things that are difficult to say when you’re drunk.

Funny Quote: Things that are difficult to say when...

Embed Code
16

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then againm neither does milk.

Funny Quote: Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then...

Embed Code
25

Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.
– Frank Sinatra

Funny Quote: Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but...

Embed Code
16

I don’t have a drinking problem.
I drink,
I get drunk,
I pass out,
NO PROBLEM!

Funny Quote: I don’t have a drinking problem. I...

Embed Code
3

The first 40 years of your childhood are always the hardest.

Funny Quote: The first 40 years of your childhood...

Embed Code
1

I hate how after an argument I think of more clever things I should have said.

Funny Quote: I hate how after an argument I...

Embed Code
11

The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you never know if they are genuine.
Abraham Lincoln

Funny Quote: The trouble with quotes on the internet...

Embed Code
5

$19.99 Because $20.00 is an outrageous amount of money.

Funny Quote: $19.99 Because $20.00 is an outrageous amount...

Embed Code
4

We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.

Funny Quote: We’re all mature until somebody brings out...

Embed Code
4

I hate how when I read in my head I sound like a pro, but when I read out loud I sound like an idiot.

Funny Quote: I hate how when I read in...

Embed Code
5

That moment of fear when you can’t get a ring off your finger.

Funny Quote: That moment of fear when you can’t...

Embed Code
16

The universe contains protons, neutrons, electrons and morons.

Submitted by: Lexy
6

If nothing in life is free, why do they make samples!

Submitted by: cruz
23

I was good at math before they decided to mix the alphabet in it.

20

Math teacher: I have 5 bottles in one hand, and 6 in the other. What do I have? Student: A drinking problem.

12

Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk & the Boy next to you took three, what would you have?
Student: A Fight.

17

Math problems: Jane bought 72 sofas…WHO THE HELL WOULD BUY 72 SOFAS?!

8

I only need 3 things in life: Food, Wifi, Sleep. :)

9

Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.

11

The most powerful words other than I LOVE YOU are “Salary is Credited”. :)

11

Today’s Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.

12

Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up. :D

10

When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?

5

I hate how Monday is so far away from Friday and Friday is so close to Monday.

Funny Quote: I hate how Monday is so far...

Embed Code
5

I never run with scissors.
Those last two words were unnecessary.

Funny Quote: I never run with scissors. Those last...

Embed Code

Copyright © 2006-2014 Coolnsmart.com - All rights reserved.

Like us!