Short Funny Quotes

I’m an excellent housekeeper..Every time I get divorce I keep the house ;- )

Submitted by: ArmenianGrl

Why do stores that are open 24/7 have locks on their doors?

Submitted by: win_ringette

I love love love this quote!
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then use the profits to buy an assault rifle. See if life makes the same mistake twice.

Submitted by: Beckers

When life gives you lemons,
make grape juice,
then sit back,
and let the wold wonder how you did it.

Submitted by: Robyn

Save water and shower together

Submitted by: Emilee

If common sense is so common why is there so many people with out it??

Submitted by: Steven

It is easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission.

Submitted by: Michael

When nothing goes right, Go left.

Submitted by: marie

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

Submitted by: subhadeep samantaray

My mind is like lighting, one brilliant flash, then its gone…:(

Submitted by: Carnivorus Sheep

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted and the time of your life!
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the UP button.

Submitted by: Arjay

Good girls ar bad girls that aren’t caught.

Submitted by: Briana

Rule #1 I’m always right
Rule #2 If i’m wrong please look at rule #1

Submitted by: Emma

If you fail to prepare,
then prepare to fail

Submitted by: bobby

**when life gives you lemons.. Squirt it in your enemies eyes!!***

Submitted by: kasey

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