Short Funny Quotes - Page 3

8

During surgery: “God performs miracles. I don’t.”

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
19

My tiger is my best friend. After the cage is closed.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
39

We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up. After I finish laughing!

Submitted by: BestFriend
14

Without my driver’s license, you’ll just have to believe the age I tell you.

9

Things that are difficult to say when you’re drunk.

Funny Quote: Things that are difficult to say when...

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15

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then againm neither does milk.

Funny Quote: Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then...

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18

Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.
- Frank Sinatra

Funny Quote: Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but...

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12

I don’t have a drinking problem.
I drink,
I get drunk,
I pass out,
NO PROBLEM!

Funny Quote: I don’t have a drinking problem. I...

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3

The first 40 years of your childhood are always the hardest.

Funny Quote: The first 40 years of your childhood...

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0

I hate how after an argument I think of more clever things I should have said.

Funny Quote: I hate how after an argument I...

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17

That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
- George Carlin

Funny Quote: That’s why they call it the American...

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11

The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you never know if they are genuine.
- Abraham Lincoln

Funny Quote: The trouble with quotes on the internet...

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5

$19.99 Because $20.00 is an outrageous amount of money.

Funny Quote: $19.99 Because $20.00 is an outrageous amount...

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3

We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.

Funny Quote: We’re all mature until somebody brings out...

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3

I hate how when I read in my head I sound like a pro, but when I read out loud I sound like an idiot.

Funny Quote: I hate how when I read in...

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3

That moment of fear when you can’t get a ring off your finger.

Funny Quote: That moment of fear when you can’t...

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14

The universe contains protons, neutrons, electrons and morons.

Submitted by: Lexy
5

If nothing in life is free, why do they make samples!

Submitted by: cruz
20

I was good at math before they decided to mix the alphabet in it.

16

Math teacher: I have 5 bottles in one hand, and 6 in the other. What do I have? Student: A drinking problem.

8

Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk & the Boy next to you took three, what would you have?
Student: A Fight.

14

Math problems: Jane bought 72 sofas…WHO THE HELL WOULD BUY 72 SOFAS?!

7

I only need 3 things in life: Food, Wifi, Sleep. :)

9

Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.

10

The most powerful words other than I LOVE YOU are “Salary is Credited”. :)


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