Short Funny Quotes - Page 3

23

During surgery: “A screwdriver?. This can’t be right.”

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
22

There’s nothing to fear. Except maybe that weird guy over there.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
18

During surgery: “Alright everyone, let’s dig in.”

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
17

Bumper sticker: I worked at hooters. Fifty years ago.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
27

If soap tasted good I would never get clean.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
8

During surgery: “God performs miracles. I don’t.”

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
20

My tiger is my best friend. After the cage is closed.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
40

We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up. After I finish laughing!

Submitted by: BestFriend
15

Without my driver’s license, you’ll just have to believe the age I tell you.

10

Things that are difficult to say when you’re drunk.

Funny Quote: Things that are difficult to say when...

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15

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then againm neither does milk.

Funny Quote: Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then...

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22

Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.
- Frank Sinatra

Funny Quote: Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but...

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15

I don’t have a drinking problem.
I drink,
I get drunk,
I pass out,
NO PROBLEM!

Funny Quote: I don’t have a drinking problem. I...

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3

The first 40 years of your childhood are always the hardest.

Funny Quote: The first 40 years of your childhood...

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0

I hate how after an argument I think of more clever things I should have said.

Funny Quote: I hate how after an argument I...

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11

The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you never know if they are genuine.
- Abraham Lincoln

Funny Quote: The trouble with quotes on the internet...

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5

$19.99 Because $20.00 is an outrageous amount of money.

Funny Quote: $19.99 Because $20.00 is an outrageous amount...

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3

We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.

Funny Quote: We’re all mature until somebody brings out...

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3

I hate how when I read in my head I sound like a pro, but when I read out loud I sound like an idiot.

Funny Quote: I hate how when I read in...

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5

That moment of fear when you can’t get a ring off your finger.

Funny Quote: That moment of fear when you can’t...

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15

The universe contains protons, neutrons, electrons and morons.

Submitted by: Lexy
6

If nothing in life is free, why do they make samples!

Submitted by: cruz
21

I was good at math before they decided to mix the alphabet in it.

17

Math teacher: I have 5 bottles in one hand, and 6 in the other. What do I have? Student: A drinking problem.

11

Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk & the Boy next to you took three, what would you have?
Student: A Fight.


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