Short Funny Quotes

If bars don’t serve drunk people, I don’t think McDonald’s should be able to serve fat people.

Please GOD if you can’t make me slim, make my friends fat.

My girlfriend hates when I make jokes about her weight. She needs to lighten up.

I have gained and lost the same ten pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have déjà vu.

Thin people are beautiful but fat people are adorable!

Brain cells come and brain cells go but fat cells live forever!

Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.

I’m in good shape. That shape is round.

Jarod Kintz

“Fat’ is usually the first insult a girl throws at another girl when she wants to hurt her.

I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

My girlfriend is so ugly, two guys broke into her apartment. She yelled “Rape!” They yelled “NO!”

Life is a little easier for attractive people, can we admit that? Think about it, if a stranger smiles at you and they’re attractive, you think, “Oh, they’re nice,” but if the stranger’s ugly, you’re like, “What do they want? Get away from me weirdo.

If you have to release bad news to the public, it would help if you are not ugly.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly

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