Short Funny Quotes - Page 3

11

Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.
- Frank Sinatra

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8

I don’t have a drinking problem.
I drink,
I get drunk,
I pass out,
NO PROBLEM!

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2

The first 40 years of your childhood are always the hardest.

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0

I hate how after an argument I think of more clever things I should have said.

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14

That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
- George Carlin

19

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7

The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you never know if they are genuine.
- Abraham Lincoln

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5

$19.99 Because $20.00 is an outrageous amount of money.

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3

We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.

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1

I hate how when I read in my head I sound like a pro, but when I read out loud I sound like an idiot.

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3

That moment of fear when you can’t get a ring off your finger.

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10

The universe contains protons, neutrons, electrons and morons.

Submitted by: Lexy
5

If nothing in life is free, why do they make samples!

Submitted by: cruz
19

I was good at math before they decided to mix the alphabet in it.

13

Math teacher: I have 5 bottles in one hand, and 6 in the other. What do I have? Student: A drinking problem.

12

Rule of math: If it seems easy, you’re doing it wrong.

8

Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk & the Boy next to you took three, what would you have?
Student: A Fight.

12

Math problems: Jane bought 72 sofas…WHO THE HELL WOULD BUY 72 SOFAS?!

6

I only need 3 things in life: Food, Wifi, Sleep. :)

6

Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.

9

The most powerful words other than I LOVE YOU are “Salary is Credited”. :)

10

Today’s Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.

7

Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up. :D

8

When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?

0

I hate how Monday is so far away from Friday and Friday is so close to Monday.

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4

I never run with scissors.
Those last two words were unnecessary.

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