Short Funny Quotes

My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.
Winston Churchill

Every time I see a math word problem it looks like this:
If I have 10 ice cubes and you have 11 apples. How many pancakes will fit on the roof?
Answer:
Purple because aliens don’t wear hats.

Submitted by: sweetpea

If you have it, you want to share it. If you share it, you don’t have it. What is it? A secret. Duh!

Submitted by: Natalie Martinez

The more I study, the more I know, the more I know, the more I forget, the more I forget, the less I know so why study?

Submitted by: Luke/Balzo

Boy: Hi
Girl: Hi
Boy: I like someone..
Girl: Who?!!
Boy: She looks just like you…
Girl: OMG! You like me? I like you too…
Boy: Oh no. I like your..sister

Submitted by: Tikitiki
Advertisements

I’m not afraid of death, I just don’t wanna be there when it happens.

Submitted by: trueblue

If there’s a Hell on Earth, it’s high school.
– Lisa Desrochers

Students are the only costumers who don’t want what they paid for.

Submitted by: bukenyaaw

“Hahahahaha! I can’t believe you just tripped and fell over nothing!”
“What do you mean? I was just testing gravity…it works!”

Submitted by: Bri

Bungee jumping is suicide with strings attached!

Submitted by: M.J. McGuire

We live in a world where losing your phone is more dramatic than losing your virginity.

Advertisements

I put the pro in procrastination.

Submitted by: Theodore

A tattoo is a permanent reminder of temporary insanity.

Submitted by: Kiera

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Dave Barry

The party in hell, has been canceled due to the fire.

Submitted by: shelly omish

Copyright © 2006-2018 - All rights reserved. Home | Blog | Contact Us | FAQ | Privacy Policy | Submit A Quote