Short Funny Quotes - Page 30
My idea of multi- tasking is using a knife and fork at the same time.
I’m not crazy. Just imaginative.
If you think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, you should probably water your lawn.
If someone says that you drawing looks ugly, say I didn’t mean to draw you.
I posted on your wall. No, not Facebook, look at the side of your house.
You call it immature, I call it having a good time.
You call it a crime, I call it legal.. I didn’t get caught yet.
Wanna see the rest of my dictionary?
If Facebook ruins relationships then guns kill people, pencils misspell words, cars make people drive drunk & spoons make you fat.
If nothing in life is free, why do they make samples!
Pulling a door that clearly said “Push”.
I save trees everyday by not doing my homework.
One thing you are sure you will do for the rest of your life: Pull the door that says push.
I’m as single as a dollar and I’m not looking for change.:)
They said the world is going to end this year…Pssh They can barely predict the weather.
The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you never know if they are genuine.
– Abraham Lincoln
Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence.
– Max Amsterdam
Drunk people run stop signs, high people wait for them to turn green.
I don’t understand why funeral has the word “Fun” in it.
Avoid hangovers: stay drunk.
An onion can make people cry but there’s never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.
– Will Rogers