Quitting smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I’ve done it dozens of times.
To be old and wise you first must be young and stupid, that’s my excuse.
While you’re stabbing my back, you can kiss my ass too.
Think if man evolved from monkeys then why do we still have monkeys?
School: 2+2=4 Homework: 2+2+4=8 Exam: Leila has 2 apples, her train left 9 minutes early, Calculate the sun’s mass.
They say that 1 out of every 5 people in the United States is Chinese. There are 5 people in my family so 1 of them is Chinese. It’s either me (Ben), my mom (Amy), my dad (mark), my brother (Keith), or my adopted brother (Long Hai). I think it’s Keith.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. – Napoleon Bonaparte
Everyone has a photographic memory… Some just don’t have film.
I don’t have a drinking problem. I drink, I get drunk, I pass out, NO PROBLEM!
I live in my own world, but it’s cool, everyone knows me here!
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half- shut afterwards. – Benjamin Franklin
People don’t grow up. They just learn how to act in public.
I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don’t always agree with them. – George Bush
Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
Do you know why grandchildren are always so full of energy? They suck it out of their grandparents. – Gene Perret
When ever you can afford to get married. Buy yourself a sports car.
It’s not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept. – Bill Watterson
A baby monkey asks his father thus; father, why are we so ugly? The father says: don’t stress my son, you should see the one reading this text.
Some days you’re the pigeon, some days you’re the statue.
Follow your dreams…except for that one where you’re naked at work.
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