Short Funny Quotes - Page 30

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My idea of multi- tasking is using a knife and fork at the same time.

Submitted by: chauncey

I’m not crazy. Just imaginative.

Submitted by: Justme

If you think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, you should probably water your lawn.

Submitted by: Megan

If someone says that you drawing looks ugly, say I didn’t mean to draw you.

Submitted by: Andeo

I posted on your wall. No, not Facebook, look at the side of your house.

You call it immature, I call it having a good time.
You call it a crime, I call it legal.. I didn’t get caught yet.
Wanna see the rest of my dictionary?

Submitted by: Cheyenne

If Facebook ruins relationships then guns kill people, pencils misspell words, cars make people drive drunk & spoons make you fat.

I don’t have a drinking problem.
I drink,
I get drunk,
I pass out,
NO PROBLEM!

Funny Quote: I don’t have a drinking problem. I...

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If nothing in life is free, why do they make samples!

Submitted by: cruz

Pulling a door that clearly said “Push”.

Submitted by: Nikki

I save trees everyday by not doing my homework.

Submitted by: yo mama

One thing you are sure you will do for the rest of your life: Pull the door that says push.

I’m as single as a dollar and I’m not looking for change.:)

Submitted by: Bri

They said the world is going to end this year…Pssh They can barely predict the weather.

The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you never know if they are genuine.
Abraham Lincoln

Funny Quote: The trouble with quotes on the internet...

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Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence.
– Max Amsterdam

Funny Quote: Business is the art of extracting money...

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Drunk people run stop signs, high people wait for them to turn green.

I don’t understand why funeral has the word “Fun” in it.

Submitted by: Skyler Fisher

Avoid hangovers: stay drunk.

An onion can make people cry but there’s never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.
Will Rogers
Funny Quote: An onion can make people cry but...

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