Short Funny Quotes

The most powerful words other than I LOVE YOU are “Salary is Credited”. :)

A baby monkey asks his father thus; father, why are we so ugly?
The father says: don’t stress my son, you should see the one reading this text.

Submitted by: hadikson

I am making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, your one of them.

Submitted by: kaylaa

Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.

Submitted by: pyxle

If there was a 3% stupidity tax, our Country’s budget deficit would be gone before the next fiscal tax season.
Husband and wife drive by a farm, and see cows grazing. Husband says “relatives”, and the wife responds “yes, in laws”.

Submitted by: Laulaus

If at first you don’t succeed, give up and let someone else do it.
If in doubt, Google it.

Submitted by: Jessica

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

I’ve got problem for your solution…

Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?

I hope I didn’t brain my damage.

Submitted by: noddy
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To find out a girl’s fault, praise her to her girl friends.

Submitted by: Sezza

Don’t try to be different, just be good. Because now a days just being good is different enough.

Submitted by: Shreyansh1512

Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence.
– Max Amsterdam

Suicide is a way of telling God, You can’t fire me I quit!!!!!
Bill Maher

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Phyllis Diller

I don’t have a drinking problem.
I drink,
I get drunk,
I pass out,
NO PROBLEM!

An apple a day will keep anyone away if thrown hard enough.

Submitted by: abigail george

They said the world is going to end this year…Pssh They can barely predict the weather.

One thing you are sure you will do for the rest of your life: Pull the door that says push.

I don’t understand why funeral has the word “Fun” in it.

Submitted by: Skyler Fisher

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