Short Funny Quotes

My sex life is like a Ferrari…I don’t have a Ferrari.

When I have children I am going to make them watch the movie 2012 and tell them I survived that like a Boss!

Funny Quote: When I have children I am going...

Bungee jumping is suicide with strings attached!

Submitted by: M.J. McGuire

Every time I see a math word problem it looks like this:
If I have 10 ice cubes and you have 11 apples. How many pancakes will fit on the roof?
Answer:
Purple because aliens don’t wear hats.

Submitted by: sweetpea

The more I study, the more I know, the more I know, the more I forget, the more I forget, the less I know so why study?

Submitted by: Luke/Balzo

I put the pro in procrastination.

Submitted by: Theodore

A tattoo is a permanent reminder of temporary insanity.

Submitted by: Kiera

The party in hell, has been canceled due to the fire.

Submitted by: shelly omish
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Groucho Marx

I told my mom that my house was her house and she yelled at me, “Get of my property”.

Submitted by: The Awesome 1

Don’t kiss by the garden gate,
Love is blind, but the neighbors ain’t

Submitted by: ada ally

I’ll be back in 5 minutes. If I’m not read the first sentence again.

Submitted by: Hitsugaya'sgirl

Weather forecast for tonight: dark

Submitted by: mackeeenzzie!

When life gives you lemons, ask why…cos I don’t get it.

Submitted by: Tin tiN

Chocolate is the answer, who cares what the question is.

Submitted by: vincent king

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