Short Funny Quotes - Page 30
No matter how many pens I buy, they always ‘mysteriously’ go missing.
People say “Speed kills”, they are wrong.
It’s the sudden stop that kills.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong.
A tax is a fine for doing well.
I hope I didn’t brain my damage.
To gain something in life you have to lose something but the converse is not true.
I’m not fat your just too skinny.
Ever stopped to think and forgot to start again?
Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it most…don’t use it.
3 blonds were walking through the forest when they came across some tracks. “Those are moose tracks” the first blond said. “No, there deer tracks. ” the second blond replied. “You’re both wrong,” the third blond retorted. “Those are elk tracks. ” the blonds were still arguing when a train hit them.
If a blond and a brunette jump off a building at the same time, who hits the ground first?
The brunette, the blond has to stop and ask for directions.
If school is so helpful, explain why summer break makes me happy.
Nobody goes to that restaurant anymore because it’s too crowded.
- Yogi Berra
You’re just jealous cos the voices only talk to me.
First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
- Steve Martin
Meow says the cat ,quack says the duck , Bow wow wow says the dog !
- Charles Dickens
Did you ever notice that when you put the words “The” and “IRS” together, it spells “THEIRS?”
No matter how old or how bad a** you think you are, when a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!!
If life gives you lemons, squirt them in life’s eyes and steal all of life’s money.