Short Funny Quotes | Funny Life Quotes | Cool Funny Quotes - Page 31

Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

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A girl phoned me the other day and said, ‘Come on over. There’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
– Rodney Dangerfield

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I still have a beautiful figure… Under couple of layers of cholesterol ;)

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Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?”

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I don’t have a drinking problem.
I drink,
I get drunk,
I pass out,
NO PROBLEM!

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The most dangerous person is a mailman becoming a hitman, he knows where you live.

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I hope I didn’t brain my damage.

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Ever since I started to get recognition I’ve picked out certain fans and reverse-stalked them.
– Jim Carrey

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I didn’t fall, the floor just needed a hug.

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Never give loan to your friends, Otherwise you will lose both.

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A good man is hard to find. A good midget is ever harder to find…especially in a large crowd.
– M.J. McGuire

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An apple a day will keep anyone away if thrown hard enough.

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Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
– Napoleon Bonaparte

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Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.

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Today is the National animal’s day, so please take a minute and remember your ex!

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Vegetarians are killing the rainforest.

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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
– Phyllis Diller

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If there was a 3% stupidity tax, our Country’s budget deficit would be gone before the next fiscal tax season.

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I’m so cool, ice cubes get jealous.

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I don’t understand why funeral has the word “Fun” in it.

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