Short Funny Quotes - Page 31
An optimist is a person who thinks b*s* is a fertilizer.
If others can do it…
..let them do it…
I’ve been told I’m going straight to hell…no I’m not…I’m taking the stairs not the elevator.
He: You know.. When you weren’t here, I cried a lot.
She: Awww! How sweet!
He: Yes but those were tears of happiness!
He: Do you know why only 10 percent of women goes to heaven?
He: Cause if they all went , it would be called hell!
He: Have I seen you somewhere?
She: Yes. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.
Extension of common sense leads to confusion..
People have told me to never say never – they broke their own rule!
Some times when I am alone, I Google myself.
Your intelligence is my common sense.
Pessimism is great, You are either always right or pleasently suprised.
A good listener is usually thinking about something else.
Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
- Steven Wright
Inside me is a thin person screaming to get out … But she has trouble being heard through all the fat.
I’m not immature…i just know how to have fun.
Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year.
There’s no half- singing in the shower, you’re either a rock star or an opera diva.
I’m not evil, I’m god with a twist.
I didn’t hit you. I simply high- fived your face.
I know the secret of life. But I can’t tell you. It’s a secret.
If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.
Knock knock how about ding dong the joke is getting old.
I’m wondering if Jesus was really fed up that his birthday clashed with Christmas!?
Steal money from pessimists. They’ll never expect it back!
I was born intelligent…..but studies ruined me……
If life throws lemons at you, throw back a hand grenade.
He who laughs last, is the last to laugh…. Obviously!
Life can be worth living, but those who haven’t lived long are lucky as anything!!