Short Funny Quotes - Page 31
Thou Shalt Not Stab Giraffe In Neck With Spoon
yeah thats right, I went there
Dont judge the book by it’s cover,
judge the cover by it’s book!
So many men and yet so few brains.
My life is hard so stop making it harder and get out of my life
Strength can only give you power, but hope can give you success.
So I ran into my ex the other day…
then I put it in reverse and hit him again
Save the planet its the only one with beer
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
– W.C. Fields
Hey you, yea you, no not you, you right there, yes you, do you like tacos????
Miss are you good in algebra?
Do you mind substituting my “x”??? :P
If our women with babies use little spoons and forks to feed them. What do Chinese people use? Tooth picks?
Friends will always be like: “You deserve better.”
True friends will be prank calling him saying “You will die in seven days.”
Don’t knock on death’s door. Hit the doorbell and run. He hates that.
I talk to myself because I only talk to people of a higher class.
DON’T HIT KIDS!!!
No, seriously, they have guns now.
All I want is for one guy to prove that they are not all the same.
Boys fall for me-
Because I trip them.
If you love something, let it go. If it doesn’t come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.
Sleep till you’re hungry, eat till you’re sleepy
When you get old and your kids ask
where all the money went, show
them the vacation videos.
I want to kill the hottest person alive… But suicide is a crime!
To learn you must make mistakes; when you make a mistake you often will get in trouble. So then why do teachers punish you when you get into trouble if you are only learning, which is exactly what they want you to do?
I love love love this quote!
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then use the profits to buy an assault rifle. See if life makes the same mistake twice.
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
– Steven Wright
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
– Steven Wright
I’m not a complete idiot. Some pieces are missing.
School is a jail, the cells are the classes, teachers are the security guard and WE ARE THE PRISONERS!
A picture is worth a thousand words, but only if you know that many.
There are 3 kinds of people in the world…those who can count and those who can’t.
I dnt have an ego…i just love how awsum I am!!!