Short Funny Quotes

If you think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, you should probably water your lawn.

Submitted by: Megan

If someone says that you drawing looks ugly, say I didn’t mean to draw you.

Submitted by: Andeo

I’m not lying, I just forgot the truth.

Submitted by: alyssamomo

Are you free this weekend?… No, I’ll be expensive.

Submitted by: Peter

I’m not crazy. Just imaginative.

Submitted by: Justme

An onion can make people cry but there’s never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.
Will Rogers

I posted on your wall. No, not Facebook, look at the side of your house.

All married women are not wives.

Someday they’re going to call me “M’am” without adding “You’re making a scene”.

Submitted by: sandra blackburn

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
Groucho Marx


My idea of multi- tasking is using a knife and fork at the same time.

Submitted by: chauncey

Whatever it is – I didn’t do it!

Submitted by: liz

I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don’t always agree with them.
– George Bush

I save trees everyday by not doing my homework.

Submitted by: yo mama

Do someone a favor and it becomes your job.

Submitted by: Wigi

When in doubt make something up so you don’t look like a fool.

Submitted by: lele

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Napoleon Bonaparte

I’m knot a blonde! I’m knot, I’m knot, I’m knot!

That moment of fear when you can’t get a ring off your finger.

If nothing in life is free, why do they make samples!

Submitted by: cruz

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