Short Funny Quotes

A boomerang is just a Frisbee for people that don’t have any friends.

Submitted by: Victoria

I told my mom that my house was her house and she yelled at me, “Get of my property”.

Submitted by: The Awesome 1

To be honest…I’m a liar!:P

Submitted by: JoezZz

I’m a pretty clever guy. For example, my username and password are always the same, just in case I forget either.

Submitted by: happy murphy

Things on my “To do” list:

Put vanilla pudding in a mayonnaise jar and eat it in public.

Ask someone in a store what year it is and when they reply yell, “I did it!” and run out.

When in a crowded elevator, ask everyone, “I bet you are wondering why I have gathered you here today”.

Submitted by: The Awesome 1

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
George Carlin

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
George Carlin

Four out of three people have a hard time dealing with fractions.

Submitted by: Jennette Stevens

Did you fall?
No I attacked the floor…
I’m just that talented.:)

Submitted by: VolleyballStar

Why do people try park as close as the can to the entrance when they go to the gym to work out?

Submitted by: TheAwesome1

I only need 3 things in life: Food, Wifi, Sleep. :)

I’ll think of something witty to say about it later.

Submitted by: thesexyone

$19.99 Because $20.00 is an outrageous amount of money.

When I was a kid, I used to sing, “A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMENO, P”

We live in a world where losing your phone is more dramatic than losing your virginity.

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