Short Funny Quotes - Page 31
If life gives you lemons, squirt them in life’s eyes and steal all of life’s money.
If symptoms persist, insult your doctor.
Why would life give you lemon…life is not a lemon tree!
The quickest way to a man’s heart is through is chest…
When life gives you lemons, squirt the juice in Justin Bieber’s eyes and run.
Pulling a door that clearly said “Push”.
Duck tape is like the force. It has a dark side, a light side, and keeps the universe together.
What do I do when I see someone extremely gorgeous…? I stare, I smile, and when I get tired.. I put the mirror down. ;)
When Life Gives You Lemons… Throw Them Back And Demand Chocolate.
I Totally Just Made That Up 8 ]
It takes one woman twenty years to make a man of her son – and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.
~ Helen Rowland
My mother never understood the irony in calling me a “son- of- a- b*tch.”
I know I am level headed cause I dribble from both sides of my mouth equally.
Competition is healthy. Especially when all your competitors are unhealthy, and hopefully sick and absent during the competition.
- Jarod Kintz
The awkward moment when Wikipedia has copied your homework.
I want a six month vacation…Twice a year.
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
Life is a climb but the view is great, until you fall off!.
I used to have a friend but the rope broke and he got away.
I’m not going to sit here and stand for that!
- Rush Limbaugh