Short Funny Quotes - Page 4

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Today’s Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.

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Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up. :D

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When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?

3

I hate how Monday is so far away from Friday and Friday is so close to Monday.

Funny Quote: I hate how Monday is so far...

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4

I never run with scissors.
Those last two words were unnecessary.

Funny Quote: I never run with scissors. Those last...

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7

After being dead for centuries, a blind man asks someone to describe what heaven looks like. The man replies, “Go ask Satan”.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
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If you cut me in a line you’ll get kicked in the behind.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson.
4

Everyone hates pennies. Except Lincoln.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
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Attitude: I work hard. At avoiding work.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
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Insult: If beauty fades you have nothing to worry about.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
4

Memory loss: I had an epiphany. But I can’t remember what it was.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
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Boss: This job really isn’t for me. It’s for the sucker I keep giving it to.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
4

An apple a day will keep anyone away if thrown hard enough.

Submitted by: abigail george
5

During surgery: “At least he doesn’t have brain damage.” “Wait… Now he does.”

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
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Bumper sticker: If my bumper falls off I’ll need this sticker back.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
7

Oral hygiene: The dentist wanted to take one of my teeth. I said, “I think I’ll wait for the tooth fairy.”

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
3

Flying: Not a good way to let passengers know that they’re landing: “This plane is going down.”

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
7

Bumper sticker: I left my wife. Way back there.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
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Sanity: I think I’m crazy. I can’t stop thinking if I am. Does that make me crazy? You think I’m crazy don’t you?!

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
6

Fun killer: There will be no drinking at this party. And no people either.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
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Work: My boss is making his office bigger. His ego doesn’t fit.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
8

During surgery: After everything we did, I can’t believe this guy is still alive.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
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Sanity: I’m not crazy. “Yes you are.”

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
9

Here’s what I tell people who try to buy happiness: stay away from mine. It’s not for sale.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
7

Women & shoes: My heels are always there to pick me right up.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

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