Short Funny Quotes - Page 4
That moment of fear when you can’t get a ring off your finger.
The universe contains protons, neutrons, electrons and morons.
If nothing in life is free, why do they make samples!
I was good at math before they decided to mix the alphabet in it.
Math teacher: I have 5 bottles in one hand, and 6 in the other. What do I have? Student: A drinking problem.
Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk & the Boy next to you took three, what would you have?
Student: A Fight.
Math problems: Jane bought 72 sofas…WHO THE HELL WOULD BUY 72 SOFAS?!
I only need 3 things in life: Food, Wifi, Sleep. :)
Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.
The most powerful words other than I LOVE YOU are “Salary is Credited”. :)
Today’s Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.
Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up. :D
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
I hate how Monday is so far away from Friday and Friday is so close to Monday.
I never run with scissors.
Those last two words were unnecessary.
After being dead for centuries, a blind man asks someone to describe what heaven looks like. The man replies, “Go ask Satan”.
If you cut me in a line you’ll get kicked in the behind.
Everyone hates pennies. Except Lincoln.
Attitude: I work hard. At avoiding work.
Insult: If beauty fades you have nothing to worry about.
Memory loss: I had an epiphany. But I can’t remember what it was.
Boss: This job really isn’t for me. It’s for the sucker I keep giving it to.
An apple a day will keep anyone away if thrown hard enough.
During surgery: “At least he doesn’t have brain damage.” “Wait… Now he does.”
Bumper sticker: If my bumper falls off I’ll need this sticker back.