Short Funny Quotes - Page 4

5

After being dead for centuries, a blind man asks someone to describe what heaven looks like. The man replies, “Go ask Satan”.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
3

If you cut me in a line you’ll get kicked in the behind.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson.
2

Everyone hates pennies. Except Lincoln.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
4

Attitude: I work hard. At avoiding work.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
9

Insult: If beauty fades you have nothing to worry about.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
2

Memory loss: I had an epiphany. But I can’t remember what it was.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
4

Boss: This job really isn’t for me. It’s for the sucker I keep giving it to.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
3

An apple a day will keep anyone away if thrown hard enough.

Submitted by: abigail george
3

During surgery: “At least he doesn’t have brain damage.” “Wait… Now he does.”

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
4

Bumper sticker: If my bumper falls off I’ll need this sticker back.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
4

Oral hygiene: The dentist wanted to take one of my teeth. I said, “I think I’ll wait for the tooth fairy.”

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
3

Flying: Not a good way to let passengers know that they’re landing: “This plane is going down.”

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
4

Bumper sticker: I left my wife. Way back there.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
7

Sanity: I think I’m crazy. I can’t stop thinking if I am. Does that make me crazy? You think I’m crazy don’t you?!

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
5

Fun killer: There will be no drinking at this party. And no people either.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
6

Work: My boss is making his office bigger. His ego doesn’t fit.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
7

During surgery: After everything we did, I can’t believe this guy is still alive.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
7

Sanity: I’m not crazy. “Yes you are.”

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
6

Here’s what I tell people who try to buy happiness: stay away from mine. It’s not for sale.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
4

Women & shoes: My heels are always there to pick me right up.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
4

Society: Annoying people don’t go away. Everyone else does.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
8

Life: Besides gravity, nothing keeps me down.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
7

During surgery: “Isn’t this the guy that slept with your wife?”

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
7

Spending habits: My shopping obsession is not a disease. I feel fine, and certainly look good.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
17

Insult: If you’re dating an idiot, you have found your perfect match.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

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