Short Funny Quotes - Page 4
If you can’t get someone out of your head,
.. Then maybe they are supposed to be there. <3
Don’t kiss by the garden gate, love is blind, but the neighbors ain’t.
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
Be the kind of woman that when your feet touch the ground in the morning, the devils says “Oh no she’s up.”
Bet you didn’t notice the the word ‘the’ has been said twice. :)
Superman really isn’t that impressive, anyone can stop a speeding bullet at least once.
That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
– George Carlin
There are 3 kinds of people in the world…those who can count and those who can’t.
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
– Groucho Marx
I hate how after an argument I think of more clever things I should have said.
If you love something, let it go. If it doesn’t come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.
An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building and after 50 floors says, “So far so good!”
The first sign of madness is talking to yourself, the second sign is replying.
Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year.
Practice makes perfect but then nobody is perfect so what’s the point of practicing?
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A brain has two parts: the left part and the right part. My left brain has nothing right, while my right brain has nothing left.
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Inside me is a skinny person screaming to get out. But he shuts up when I eat cake.
True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
– Steven Wright
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy – the parents.
Life is a game with a small fault…there is no “restart button” in it.
He who laughs last doesn’t get it, and he who laughs first has the dirtiest mind!
Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.