Short Funny Quotes - Page 4
When the short people attack you, you won’t see them coming.
I didn’t trip; I was testing gravity. It still works.
When you are always ahead of others, you are always walking alone.
Unicorns are real. They’re just fat and gray and we call them rhinos.
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
If you weren’t who you are … I’d like you!
Always follow the light out of the tunnel. Just make sure that its not a train.
Save paper, don’t do home work.
One of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror.
- George W. Bush
I hate how Monday is so far away from Friday and Friday is so close to Monday.
My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
I’m fat. But you’re ugly. At least I can diet.
Even Barbie is not perfect.. I snapped off her leg.
Whoever said words don’t hurt never got hit in the head with a dictionary.
People have told me to never say never – they broke their own rule!
I’m not crazy, my reality is just different from yours.
Be the kind of woman that when your feet touch the ground in the morning, the devils says “Oh no she’s up.”
Do it today, it might be illegal tomorrow.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
Sometimes I pretend to be normal but it gets boring so I go back to being me.:p
Your intelligence is my common sense.
When life gives you lemons then go to this site because there are a lot of ideas what to do with lemons.
We live in a world where losing your phone is more dramatic than losing your virginity.
Dogs think: People love me, feed me, pet me, they must be God.
Cats think: People love me, feed me, pet me, I must be God.
If the world really ends in 2012, I wasted my whole life in school.
People don’t grow up. They just learn how to act in public.
If you fail to prepare,
then prepare to fail
Dear optimist, pessimist, and realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
Sincerely, the opportunist.
Childhood is like being drunk, everyone remembers what you did, except you.
Have you ever noticed that studying is a combination of student and dying.
When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
- Steven Wright
Why do they put pizza in a square box?
There are three types of people in this world: Those who can count, and those who can’t.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
- Bob Hope
I feel bad for a giraffe who has to throw up.
Who invented Mondays, I’d like to have a word with him.
I did not slap you, I simply high fived your face!!!
If a robot does the robot is it still the robot or is it just dancing?
The last thing I want to do is hurt you… But it is still on my list :)
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self- help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
- Steven Wright
If there was an award for laziness I’d probably send somebody else to pick it up for me.
When a girl cancels a date she cancels it because she has to…But when a boy cancels a date he cancels it because he has two.