Short Funny Quotes - Page 4
If you must lie, be brief.
I know I’m in my own little world..but it’s ok..they know me here!
If you can’t get someone out of your head,
.. Then maybe they are supposed to be there. <3
Bet you didn’t notice the the word ‘the’ has been said twice. :)
Superman really isn’t that impressive, anyone can stop a speeding bullet at least once.
The first sign of madness is talking to yourself, the second sign is replying.
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
There are 3 kinds of people in the world…those who can count and those who can’t.
If you love something, let it go. If it doesn’t come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.
An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building and after 50 floors says, “So far so good!”
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
- Groucho Marx
Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year.
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Practice makes perfect but then nobody is perfect so what’s the point of practicing?
A brain has two parts: the left part and the right part. My left brain has nothing right, while my right brain has nothing left.
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Inside me is a skinny person screaming to get out. But he shuts up when I eat cake.
True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy – the parents.
Be the kind of woman that when your feet touch the ground in the morning, the devils says “Oh no she’s up.”
Life is a game with a small fault…there is no “restart button” in it.
He who laughs last doesn’t get it, and he who laughs first has the dirtiest mind!
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
- Steven Wright
I stepped on a cheerio this morning… Does that make me a cereal killer?
Is it that we have to be smart enough to get educated or that we must get educated to become smarter…