Short Funny Quotes - Page 4
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin
Why is the slowest traffic of the day called “rush hour”?
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted and the time of your life!
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the UP button.
Why do they put pizza in a square box?
When I see someone that is beautiful, I stare for awhile, and when I get tired, I put down the mirror. 8)
Good girls ar bad girls that aren’t caught.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
- George Carlin
Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person, think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.
It always gets laughs!
Rlaely it deson’t mttaer waht I wirte you’ll sitll uanrtednsnd it
Bet you didn’t notice the the word ‘the’ has been said twice. :)
Don’t follow my footsteps I run into walls!
Push can get you almost anywere, exept through a door marked ‘pull’.
Girl: If you were my husband I would poison your coffee.
Boy: If you were my wife I’d drink it.
Walking into a restaurant…
Waiter: Would you like a table?
Me: No, we came to sit on the ground… floor for five please.
Me when parents are sleeping: shh they’re asleep.
My parents when I’m asleep: Let’s vacuum for three hours.
I learned three things in school:
1. How to text without looking.
2. How to sleep with my eyes open.
3. And teamwork during tests.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but only if you know that many.
There are 3 kinds of people in the world…those who can count and those who can’t.
Never apologize for saying what you feel cos its apologizing for being real.
Save water and shower together
Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.