Short Funny Quotes - Page 4
If you must lie, be brief.
If you can’t get someone out of your head,
.. Then maybe they are supposed to be there. <3
Superman really isn’t that impressive, anyone can stop a speeding bullet at least once.
Bet you didn’t notice the the word ‘the’ has been said twice. :)
There are 3 kinds of people in the world…those who can count and those who can’t.
The first sign of madness is talking to yourself, the second sign is replying.
If you love something, let it go. If it doesn’t come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.
An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building and after 50 floors says, “So far so good!”
Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year.
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
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I intend to live forever, or die trying.
- Groucho Marx
Practice makes perfect but then nobody is perfect so what’s the point of practicing?
A brain has two parts: the left part and the right part. My left brain has nothing right, while my right brain has nothing left.
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Inside me is a skinny person screaming to get out. But he shuts up when I eat cake.
True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
- Steven Wright
I hate how Monday is so far away from Friday and Friday is so close to Monday.
Most popular things to do in an emergency…
60% Update Facebook Status
15% Record a Video, then upload it on YouTube
15% Update Twitter Status
10% Call Emergency Services
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy – the parents.
I stepped on a cheerio this morning… Does that make me a cereal killer?
Is it that we have to be smart enough to get educated or that we must get educated to become smarter…
Life is a game with a small fault…there is no “restart button” in it.
He who laughs last doesn’t get it, and he who laughs first has the dirtiest mind!