Short Funny Quotes - Page 4
Superman really isn’t that impressive, anyone can stop a speeding bullet at least once.
An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building and after 50 floors says, “So far so good!”
Bet you didn’t notice the the word ‘the’ has been said twice. :)
If you love something, let it go. If it doesn’t come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.
The first sign of madness is talking to yourself, the second sign is replying.
There are 3 kinds of people in the world…those who can count and those who can’t.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
– Steven Wright
A brain has two parts: the left part and the right part. My left brain has nothing right, while my right brain has nothing left.
Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year.
Practice makes perfect but then nobody is perfect so what’s the point of practicing?
True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.
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Inside me is a skinny person screaming to get out. But he shuts up when I eat cake.
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Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy – the parents.
He who laughs last doesn’t get it, and he who laughs first has the dirtiest mind!
Life is a game with a small fault…there is no “restart button” in it.
Don’t believe any rumor until the government denies it.
Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said “Parking Fine”.
Is it that we have to be smart enough to get educated or that we must get educated to become smarter…
I stepped on a cheerio this morning… Does that make me a cereal killer?
People don’t grow up. They just learn how to act in public.