Short Funny Quotes - Page 5

4

Bumper sticker: My horn doesn’t work. My finger does.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
37

It is scientifically proven that people who have more birthdays live longer.

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3

Sometimes I listen to stranger’s conversation and mentally give my opinion.

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4

Shut Up Voices!

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2

Stop waiting for Prince Charming. Get up and find him. The poor idiot may be stuck in a tree or something.

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11

Why are girls?

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12

Alcohol – Because no great story every started with someone eating a salad.

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4

I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday and when it’s not my birthday.

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16

How do you keep an idiot in suspense? Leave a message and I’ll get back to you.

8

Dear Bad Luck…Let’s break up.

5

May the itch of a thousand crabs affect the one who ruins your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.

4

I’ll be on you faster than a hobo on a ham sandwich.

Submitted by: athena lol
17

When ever you can afford to get married. Buy yourself a sports car.

Submitted by: Jet set
11

Remember: you were once the strongest sperm of your dad. =)

Submitted by: alex elardo
3

Childhood is like being drunk, everyone remembers what you did, except you.

Submitted by: Ronak Mota
4

I read somewhere that when someone is about to quote a bogus fact or statistic that they preface it by saying, “I read somewhere”.

Submitted by: Ronak
12

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

Submitted by: amanda
14

Often when I fall, I don’t wake up. I lie there and enjoy my nap.

Submitted by: Tiela Selepe
6

Follow your dreams…except for that one where you’re naked at work.

Submitted by: red27y
25

If you are bad. Then I am your dad.

Submitted by: dhwani pandit
8

You are what you eat. Avoid nuts.

Submitted by: Derick makuu
5

As an explosive tester I love my job. One day while starting to defuse the bomb my best friend and I started to laugh. He laughed because he thought it was fun, I laughed because I had no idea what I was doing.

Submitted by: zen master
31

Is your refrigerator running? Well if so you better go catch it.

Submitted by: Bailey
21

There’s a price you pay for chewing your mouth so fast, you tongue is at risk!

Submitted by: Dani
21

Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder.

Submitted by: malcolm burns

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