Short Funny Quotes - Page 5

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Oral hygiene: The dentist wanted to take one of my teeth. I said, “I think I’ll wait for the tooth fairy.”

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
5

Flying: Not a good way to let passengers know that they’re landing: “This plane is going down.”

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
7

Bumper sticker: I left my wife. Way back there.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
12

Sanity: I think I’m crazy. I can’t stop thinking if I am. Does that make me crazy? You think I’m crazy don’t you?!

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
7

Fun killer: There will be no drinking at this party. And no people either.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
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Work: My boss is making his office bigger. His ego doesn’t fit.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
10

During surgery: After everything we did, I can’t believe this guy is still alive.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
10

Sanity: I’m not crazy. “Yes you are.”

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
9

Here’s what I tell people who try to buy happiness: stay away from mine. It’s not for sale.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
10

Women & shoes: My heels are always there to pick me right up.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
7

Society: Annoying people don’t go away. Everyone else does.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
37

Life: Besides gravity, nothing keeps me down.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
10

During surgery: “Isn’t this the guy that slept with your wife?”

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
11

Spending habits: My shopping obsession is not a disease. I feel fine, and certainly look good.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
29

Insult: If you’re dating an idiot, you have found your perfect match.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
6

Bumper sticker: My horn doesn’t work. My finger does.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
49

It is scientifically proven that people who have more birthdays live longer.

Funny Quote: It is scientifically proven that people who...

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4

Sometimes I listen to stranger’s conversation and mentally give my opinion.

Funny Quote: Sometimes I listen to stranger’s conversation and...

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4

Shut Up Voices!

Funny Quote: Shut Up Voices!

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Stop waiting for Prince Charming. Get up and find him. The poor idiot may be stuck in a tree or something.

Funny Quote: Stop waiting for Prince Charming. Get up...

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Why are girls?

Funny Quote: Why are girls?

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Alcohol – Because no great story every started with someone eating a salad.

Funny Quote: Alcohol – Because no great story every...

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I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday and when it’s not my birthday.

Funny Quote: I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink...

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How do you keep an idiot in suspense? Leave a message and I’ll get back to you.

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Dear Bad Luck…Let’s break up.


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