Short Funny Quotes - Page 5
Make up can make you beautiful on the outside. It wont work if your ugly on the inside. Unless you eat the makeup.
Everybody’s has a boyfriend or a girlfriend and I’m just like “I love food”.
Excuse me, I farted.
I don’t always contradict myself but when I do I don’t.
Never work before breakfast; if you have to work before breakfast, eat your breakfast first.
- Josh Billings
People say that losing weight is no walk in the park. When I hear that I think, yeah, that’s the problem.
– Chris Adams
I consider exercise vulgar. It makes people smell.
- Alec Yuill Thornton
The only valid excuse for not exercising is paralysis.
- Moira Nordholt
Does breakfast in bed count as a morning workout?
- Elizabeth Jane Howard
When it comes to eating right and exercising, there is no “I’ll start tomorrow.” Tomorrow is disease.
- Terri Guillemets
I’m in good shape. That shape is round.
- Jarod Kintz
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don’t intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
- Neil Armstrong
Don’t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse.
Seeing your ex with someone uglier than you. Awesome.
Happy 4th of July to all Americans!!!…Well, except for Native Americans. For them, my deepest condolences.
One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling ‘Help! Shark! Help!’. I just laughed, I knew that shark was not going to help him.
Today, when I stepped outside, I got shit on by a bird. But I’m still going back outside tomorrow.
- Christie Craig
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
If any of my competitors were drowning, I’d stick a hose in their mouth
- Ray Kroc