Short Funny Quotes - Page 5

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The dumber you are, the smarter you think you are.

Funny Quote: The dumber you are, the smarter you...

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Is life fair? Short answer, no. Long answer, Nooooooo.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the easily offended deserve to be easily offended.

There’s no vaccine against stupid.

Funny Quote: There’s no vaccine against stupid.

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Hardest job ever: Working in a bubble wrap factory. Imagine the self control needed.

What the heck does the “Z” in “LOLZ” mean…”Laugh Out Loud…Zebras?”

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
– Rodney Dangerfield

Funny Quote: I remember the time I was kidnapped...

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Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy’s pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.
– Rodney Dangerfield

Funny Quote: Once I pulled a job, I was...

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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.
– Rodney Dangerfield

Funny Quote: I came from a real tough neighborhood....

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My psychiatrist said to me, “Take these pills and you’ll be all right.” I told him that there’s nothing wrong with me, it’s the rest of the world, “I know. But it’s easier for you to take the pills than the rest of the world.”

Submitted by: Robert D Dangoor
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