Short Funny Quotes

Funny obesity advice:

If it tastes good, It’s trying to kill you.

You know who they’re blaming for global warming now? This is true. Fat people.

A recent survey or North American males found 42% were overweight, 34% were critically obese and 8% ate the survey.

When short hemlines came back into fashion, my old girlfriend dug an
old mini skirt out of her closet.
She tried it on, but couldn’t figure out what to do with her other leg.

What’s a vampire’s favorite fast food?
A guy with very high blood pressure.

The teacher asked a somewhat fleshy girl, “What is your favorite animal?”
The girl replied with enthusiasm, “Fried chicken!”

A diabetic walks into a bakery as asks the girl behind the counter, “What do you have that is safe for diabetics?”
The baker says, “Everything. As long as you don’t put it in your mouth.”

What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
A: Crisp Cringle.

Obesity is very easy to catch.

–They can’t run very fast.

Good things come to those who wait.
But bad things come to those who “weight.”

Q: Dear Tons of Fun:

I’m a skinny minnie who wants to catch the obesity disease. Can you give me some weight gain tips?
A: Dear Skinny Minnie:

Eat eat a lot of junk food, and sit on the couch watching TV all day long every day. Eat just before you go to sleep is best!
You should also study Sumo Wrestlers, and emulate their habits.
You can do it!
Sincerely,
TONS OF FUN

Teacher: When you think of Greece, what is the first thing that comes to your mind?
Chubby student: French fries.

Old gluttons never die, they just waist away.

I’m on grapefruit diet. I eat everything but grapefruit.

If you really want to be depressed, weigh yourself in grams.

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