Short Funny Quotes - Page 5
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said “Parking Fine”.
He who laughs last doesn’t get it, and he who laughs first has the dirtiest mind!
Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?
- Bill Maher
You know how they say, “Don’t try this at home”?
I just go to my friend’s house and try it.
If swimming is so good for your figure then how do you explain whales???
Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.
I hate how after an argument I think of more clever things I should have said.
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If “poli” means many, and “tics” mean bloodsucking creatures, then what does “politics” mean?
Don’t believe any rumor until the government denies it.
An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.
I am in shape…Round is a shape.
I still miss my ex – But guess what? My Aim is getting better :D
How can the world end in 2012l when we have yogurt that expires in 2013?
Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh, and they’ll think you’re on drugs!
I love love love this quote!
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then use the profits to buy an assault rifle. See if life makes the same mistake twice.
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Sipho : Dr I have a problem of forgetting.
Dr : When did the problem start?
Sipho : Which problem?
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
- Groucho Marx
Meaning of CLASS:
C => Come
L => Late
A => And
S => Start
S => Sleeping… Many of them don’t know the exact meaning.
Be the kind of woman that when your feet touch the ground in the morning, the devils says “Oh no she’s up.”
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
- Steven Wright
Do it today, it might be illegal tomorrow.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
If you weren’t who you are … I’d like you!
When the short people attack you, you won’t see them coming.
I didn’t trip; I was testing gravity. It still works.
Even Barbie is not perfect.. I snapped off her leg.