Short Funny Quotes - Page 5

94

Is it that we have to be smart enough to get educated or that we must get educated to become smarter…

Submitted by: himadri
15

Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?
Bill Maher

21

Most popular things to do in an emergency…
60% Update Facebook Status
15% Record a Video, then upload it on YouTube
15% Update Twitter Status
10% Call Emergency Services

Submitted by: Captain Munch
26

I am in shape…Round is a shape.

Submitted by: Kezzer
24

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.

Submitted by: Mahum
1

People don’t grow up. They just learn how to act in public.

Submitted by: mooii
8

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said “Parking Fine”.

Submitted by: Pseudonym
37

Don’t believe any rumor until the government denies it.

Submitted by: Bonface stom
26

I never fall off.
I just,
Dismount with style.

Submitted by: HORSA_CLOTHING
43

If swimming is so good for your figure then how do you explain whales???

Submitted by: IDK e IDC
30

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If “poli” means many, and “tics” mean bloodsucking creatures, then what does “politics” mean?

Submitted by: Laura
3

Dear Algebra,
Quit asking us to find your ‘x’, she’s not coming back!
Love, Me.
P.S. And don’t ask me ‘y’ either.

Submitted by: ~Blackheart~
382

I still miss my ex – But guess what? My Aim is getting better :D

Submitted by: Dilip
73

Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh, and they’ll think you’re on drugs!

Submitted by: _FiLa96_
306

I love love love this quote!
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then use the profits to buy an assault rifle. See if life makes the same mistake twice.

Submitted by: Beckers
1

Be the kind of woman that when your feet touch the ground in the morning, the devils says “Oh no she’s up.”

Submitted by: Nathan
22

Do it today, it might be illegal tomorrow.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Submitted by: passionberry
58

If you weren’t who you are … I’d like you!

Submitted by: Kassie
17

You know how they say, “Don’t try this at home”?
I just go to my friend’s house and try it.

Submitted by: Ale Angel
1

All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of potato chips!

Submitted by: Jamie
76

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Steven Wright

Submitted by: Kacey
38

When the short people attack you, you won’t see them coming.
I didn’t trip; I was testing gravity. It still works.

Submitted by: SUmmy
0

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
Bob Hope

7

How can the world end in 2012l when we have yogurt that expires in 2013?

Submitted by: Sydnee
114

When you are always ahead of others, you are always walking alone.

Submitted by: Longfellow

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