Short Funny Quotes - Page 5
Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.
Is it that we have to be smart enough to get educated or that we must get educated to become smarter…
Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?
– Bill Maher
Most popular things to do in an emergency…
60% Update Facebook Status
15% Record a Video, then upload it on YouTube
15% Update Twitter Status
10% Call Emergency Services
I never fall off.
Dismount with style.
I am in shape…Round is a shape.
An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said “Parking Fine”.
Don’t believe any rumor until the government denies it.
If swimming is so good for your figure then how do you explain whales???
People don’t grow up. They just learn how to act in public.
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If “poli” means many, and “tics” mean bloodsucking creatures, then what does “politics” mean?
I still miss my ex – But guess what? My Aim is getting better :D
Quit asking us to find your ‘x’, she’s not coming back!
P.S. And don’t ask me ‘y’ either.
Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh, and they’ll think you’re on drugs!
I love love love this quote!
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then use the profits to buy an assault rifle. See if life makes the same mistake twice.
Do it today, it might be illegal tomorrow.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
If you weren’t who you are … I’d like you!
You know how they say, “Don’t try this at home”?
I just go to my friend’s house and try it.
When the short people attack you, you won’t see them coming.
I didn’t trip; I was testing gravity. It still works.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
– Steven Wright
How can the world end in 2012l when we have yogurt that expires in 2013?
When you are always ahead of others, you are always walking alone.
Education is what you get from reading the small print. Experience is what you get from not reading it.
A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the word you first thought of.
A mother’s menu consists of two choices: Take it or leave it.
I’m fat. But you’re ugly. At least I can diet.