Short Funny Quotes - Page 5
He who laughs last doesn’t get it, and he who laughs first has the dirtiest mind!
When I have children I am going to make them watch the movie 2012 and tell them I survived that like a Boss!
Life is a game with a small fault…there is no “restart button” in it.
Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?
- Bill Maher
Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.
I hate how Monday is so far away from Friday and Friday is so close to Monday.
If swimming is so good for your figure then how do you explain whales???
Don’t believe any rumor until the government denies it.
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If “poli” means many, and “tics” mean bloodsucking creatures, then what does “politics” mean?
An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.
I am in shape…Round is a shape.
I still miss my ex – But guess what? My Aim is getting better :D
How can the world end in 2012l when we have yogurt that expires in 2013?
I love love love this quote!
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then use the profits to buy an assault rifle. See if life makes the same mistake twice.
Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh, and they’ll think you’re on drugs!
Sipho : Dr I have a problem of forgetting.
Dr : When did the problem start?
Sipho : Which problem?
I hate how after an argument I think of more clever things I should have said.
You know how they say, “Don’t try this at home”?
I just go to my friend’s house and try it.
Meaning of CLASS:
C => Come
L => Late
A => And
S => Start
S => Sleeping… Many of them don’t know the exact meaning.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
- Steven Wright
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Even Barbie is not perfect.. I snapped off her leg.
When the short people attack you, you won’t see them coming.
I didn’t trip; I was testing gravity. It still works.
When you are always ahead of others, you are always walking alone.
Unicorns are real. They’re just fat and gray and we call them rhinos.