Short Funny Quotes - Page 5
I stepped on a cheerio this morning… Does that make me a cereal killer?
People don’t grow up. They just learn how to act in public.
Most popular things to do in an emergency…
60% Update Facebook Status
15% Record a Video, then upload it on YouTube
15% Update Twitter Status
10% Call Emergency Services
Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?
– Bill Maher
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said “Parking Fine”.
An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.
I am in shape…Round is a shape.
Quit asking us to find your ‘x’, she’s not coming back!
P.S. And don’t ask me ‘y’ either.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
– Steven Wright
I never fall off.
Dismount with style.
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If “poli” means many, and “tics” mean bloodsucking creatures, then what does “politics” mean?
If swimming is so good for your figure then how do you explain whales???
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
– Bob Hope
I still miss my ex – But guess what? My Aim is getting better :D
Do it today, it might be illegal tomorrow.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh, and they’ll think you’re on drugs!
I love love love this quote!
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then use the profits to buy an assault rifle. See if life makes the same mistake twice.
How can the world end in 2012l when we have yogurt that expires in 2013?
If you weren’t who you are … I’d like you!
Education is what you get from reading the small print. Experience is what you get from not reading it.
A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the word you first thought of.
A mother’s menu consists of two choices: Take it or leave it.
When the short people attack you, you won’t see them coming.
I didn’t trip; I was testing gravity. It still works.
You know how they say, “Don’t try this at home”?
I just go to my friend’s house and try it.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
– Steven Wright
When you are always ahead of others, you are always walking alone.
Sipho : Dr I have a problem of forgetting.
Dr : When did the problem start?
Sipho : Which problem?