Short Funny Quotes - Page 5

7

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said “Parking Fine”.

Submitted by: Pseudonym
43

He who laughs last doesn’t get it, and he who laughs first has the dirtiest mind!

Submitted by: crazy**** :)
15

Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?
- Bill Maher

15

You know how they say, “Don’t try this at home”?
I just go to my friend’s house and try it.

Submitted by: Ale Angel
42

If swimming is so good for your figure then how do you explain whales???

Submitted by: IDK e IDC
9

Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.

Submitted by: Carlito
0

I hate how after an argument I think of more clever things I should have said.

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29

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If “poli” means many, and “tics” mean bloodsucking creatures, then what does “politics” mean?

Submitted by: Laura
36

Don’t believe any rumor until the government denies it.

Submitted by: Bonface stom
24

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.

Submitted by: Mahum
26

I am in shape…Round is a shape.

Submitted by: Kezzer
382

I still miss my ex – But guess what? My Aim is getting better :D

Submitted by: Dilip
6

How can the world end in 2012l when we have yogurt that expires in 2013?

Submitted by: Sydnee
73

Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh, and they’ll think you’re on drugs!

Submitted by: _FiLa96_
306

I love love love this quote!
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then use the profits to buy an assault rifle. See if life makes the same mistake twice.

Submitted by: Beckers
3

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Submitted by: mickey
23

Sipho : Dr I have a problem of forgetting.
Dr : When did the problem start?
Sipho : Which problem?

Submitted by: Victor
1

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
- Groucho Marx

21

Meaning of CLASS:
C => Come
L => Late
A => And
S => Start
S => Sleeping… Many of them don’t know the exact meaning.

Submitted by: AJ 619 LEGENDKILLER
0

Be the kind of woman that when your feet touch the ground in the morning, the devils says “Oh no she’s up.”

Submitted by: Nathan
75

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
- Steven Wright

Submitted by: Kacey
22

Do it today, it might be illegal tomorrow.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Submitted by: passionberry
58

If you weren’t who you are … I’d like you!

Submitted by: Kassie
38

When the short people attack you, you won’t see them coming.
I didn’t trip; I was testing gravity. It still works.

Submitted by: SUmmy
3

Even Barbie is not perfect.. I snapped off her leg.

Submitted by: smel(:

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