Short Funny Quotes

People have told me to never say never – they broke their own rule!

Submitted by: Carla

If I’m not back in 5 minutes… Wait longer..
Why do we kill people who kill people to show that killing people is wrong?
Everybody makes mistakes.. The trick is making em when nobody is around..
When life hands you lemons… Make apple cider.. Then sit back and have everyone wondering how you did it.

Submitted by: MiMi BaBiI

L.O.L has gone from meaning laugh out loud to I have nothing else to say.
Pandas are the least racist..they’re black, white, and Asian
Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver, blue, purple, orange and all those other colors now.
I’m afraid of my mailman……..he knows where I live!!

Submitted by: SUmmy

That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
George Carlin

Heaven doesn’t want me…and hell is too scared I’ll take over.

Submitted by: J3$$a

I intend to live forever, or die trying.
Groucho Marx

Submitted by: Wes

I turned my phone onto “Airplane mode” and threw it up into the air. Worst Transformer Ever.

Submitted by: D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R123

When cheese gets it’s picture taken what does it say?

Submitted by: win_ringette

If our women with babies use little spoons and forks to feed them. What do Chinese people use? Tooth picks?

Submitted by: haylse

Push can get you almost anywere, exept through a door marked ‘pull’.

Submitted by: imo-gadget-303
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Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year.

Submitted by: Kazzaaa

Your age doesn’t lie. Neither does that face.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up. After I finish laughing!

Submitted by: BestFriend

If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot!

Submitted by: Saadi

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly.

Submitted by: Sam

When you get old and your kids ask
where all the money went, show
them the vacation videos.

Submitted by: mayur

Always follow the light out of the tunnel. Just make sure that its not a train.

Submitted by: Enos

So I ran into my ex the other day…
then I put it in reverse and hit him again

Submitted by: xXxAmandaxXx

So many men and yet so few brains.

Submitted by: Frandia

The truth hurts….. Thats why I lie =P

Submitted by: Allie
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“THE IMPOSSIBLE…” what nobody can do until some body does…….

Submitted by: ukdarkangel

If you weren’t who you are … I’d like you!

Submitted by: Kassie

Would a fly without wings be called a walk.

Submitted by: blazinherb420

Sleep till you’re hungry, eat till you’re sleepy

Submitted by: Phillip

Don’t do drugs kids. There’s a time and place for everything. It’s called college.

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