Short Funny Quotes
People have told me to never say never – they broke their own rule!
If I’m not back in 5 minutes… Wait longer..
Why do we kill people who kill people to show that killing people is wrong?
Everybody makes mistakes.. The trick is making em when nobody is around..
When life hands you lemons… Make apple cider.. Then sit back and have everyone wondering how you did it.
L.O.L has gone from meaning laugh out loud to I have nothing else to say.
Pandas are the least racist..they’re black, white, and Asian
Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver, blue, purple, orange and all those other colors now.
I’m afraid of my mailman……..he knows where I live!!
That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
– George Carlin
Heaven doesn’t want me…and hell is too scared I’ll take over.
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
– Groucho Marx
I turned my phone onto “Airplane mode” and threw it up into the air. Worst Transformer Ever.
When cheese gets it’s picture taken what does it say?
If our women with babies use little spoons and forks to feed them. What do Chinese people use? Tooth picks?
Push can get you almost anywere, exept through a door marked ‘pull’.
Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year.
Your age doesn’t lie. Neither does that face.
We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up. After I finish laughing!
If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot!
Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly.
When you get old and your kids ask
where all the money went, show
them the vacation videos.
Always follow the light out of the tunnel. Just make sure that its not a train.
So I ran into my ex the other day…
then I put it in reverse and hit him again
So many men and yet so few brains.
The truth hurts….. Thats why I lie =P
“THE IMPOSSIBLE…” what nobody can do until some body does…….
If you weren’t who you are … I’d like you!
Would a fly without wings be called a walk.
Sleep till you’re hungry, eat till you’re sleepy
Don’t do drugs kids. There’s a time and place for everything. It’s called college.