Short Funny Quotes - Page 6

10

Fun killer: There will be no drinking at this party. And no people either.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
11

Work: My boss is making his office bigger. His ego doesn’t fit.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
16

During surgery: After everything we did, I can’t believe this guy is still alive.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
16

Sanity: I’m not crazy. “Yes you are.”

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
16

Here’s what I tell people who try to buy happiness: stay away from mine. It’s not for sale.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
18

Women & shoes: My heels are always there to pick me right up.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
14

Society: Annoying people don’t go away. Everyone else does.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
89

Life: Besides gravity, nothing keeps me down.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
16

During surgery: “Isn’t this the guy that slept with your wife?”

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
16

Spending habits: My shopping obsession is not a disease. I feel fine, and certainly look good.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
42

Insult: If you’re dating an idiot, you have found your perfect match.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
11

Bumper sticker: My horn doesn’t work. My finger does.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
72

It is scientifically proven that people who have more birthdays live longer.

Funny Quote: It is scientifically proven that people who...

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5

Sometimes I listen to stranger’s conversation and mentally give my opinion.

Funny Quote: Sometimes I listen to stranger’s conversation and...

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24

Stop waiting for Prince Charming. Get up and find him. The poor idiot may be stuck in a tree or something.

Funny Quote: Stop waiting for Prince Charming. Get up...

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5

Shut Up Voices!

Funny Quote: Shut Up Voices!

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25

Why are girls?

Funny Quote: Why are girls?

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26

Alcohol – Because no great story every started with someone eating a salad.

Funny Quote: Alcohol – Because no great story every...

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20

I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday and when it’s not my birthday.

Funny Quote: I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink...

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34

How do you keep an idiot in suspense? Leave a message and I’ll get back to you.

15

Dear Bad Luck…Let’s break up.

10

May the itch of a thousand crabs affect the one who ruins your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.

7

I’ll be on you faster than a hobo on a ham sandwich.

Submitted by: athena lol
29

When ever you can afford to get married. Buy yourself a sports car.

Submitted by: Jet set
18

Remember: you were once the strongest sperm of your dad. =)

Submitted by: alex elardo

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