Short Funny Quotes

If you really want to be depressed, weigh yourself in grams.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for lunch.

If being overweight is a sign of wealth, then I am filthy rich.

“Live each day like it were your last.” sounded like great advice.

Until I started eating my own weight in bacon cheeseburgers and fries every day and now I’m dying from obesity and diabetes.

It’s not that diabetes, heart disease and obesity runs in your family. It’s that no one runs in your family.

How does a woman go from a slender size 8 to a big fat size 16?

How does she double in size?
It’s simple math:
She 8 and 8 (ATE AND ATE).
(8 + 8 = 16) (And ate plus ate = (size) 16

Obesity is a disease.

Is it a disease?

Yes, a mouth disease!!!

Obesity is a disease. It makes everything taste good except salad.

I find no sweeter fat than sticks to my own bones.

I almost died because of obesity. It make me cannot breath when sleep at night.


Put the fun between your legs.

The bicycle is just as good company as most husbands and, when it gets old and shabby, a woman can dispose of it and get a new one without shocking the entire community.

The boy knew that escaping school was the surest sign of his election.

We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate.

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason.
Mark Twain

If the gods had intended for people to vote, they would have given us candidates.

Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.

We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate.

Another way to solve the traffic problems of this country is to pass a law that only paid-for cars be allowed to use the highways.


This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.

Last night I didn’t sleep for a solid eight hours. No, it melted a little. Damn global warming.
Jarod Kintz

Be careful when you blindly follow the Masses… Sometimes the ‘M’ is silent.
Leonardo DiCaprio

It’s fine if you don’t like me. Not everyone has a good taste.
Leonardo DiCaprio

Leonardo DiCaprio

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