When life gives you lemons, punch life in the face for all the stuff it hasn’t given you.
I don’t care what the polls say. I don’t. I’m doing what I think what’s wrong. – George W. Bush
When life gives you lemons. Ask someone if they know how to make lemonade.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for lunch.
When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade, plant a freaking tree. Sometimes I just stop and think, “Where the hell am I?”
You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot. – Phyllis Diller
Music teacher: ‘What’s your favorite musical instrument?’ Fat kid: ‘The lunch bell.’
I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman. – Arnold Schwarzenegger
The teacher asked a somewhat fleshy girl, “What is your favorite animal?” The girl replied with enthusiasm, “Fried chicken!”
Welcome to Friday. In preparation for takeoff, please ensure all negative attitudes are properly stowed. On behalf of your captain, Jack Daniels and myself, welcome aboard. I expect sunshine and good attitudes today for our trip. Enjoy the ride.
If Monday had a face, I’d punch it
Beauty isn’t worth thinking about; what’s important is your mind. You don’t want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. – Garrison Keillor
There is no I in fail… WAIT!…
The worst part of censorship is **********
Spies and parents never sleep. – Linda Gerber
I carry death in my left pocket. Sometimes I take it out and talk to it: “Hello, baby, how you doing? When you coming for me? I’ll be ready. – Charles Bukowski
How can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese? – Charles de Gaulle
Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9!
Dead. Never been that before. Not even once. – Jasper Fforde
…..and that one day a girl called me n said, “come fast there is nobody at my home…”….i went there n there was NOBODY at her home…!!!
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