Short Funny Quotes
A picture is worth a thousand words, but only if you know that many.
A good listener is usually thinking about something else.
So she smashed her rearview mirror,
cause from now on shes never looking back
Stop waiting for Prince Charming. Get up and find him. The poor idiot may be stuck in a tree or something.
Don’t kiss by the garden gate, love is blind, but the neighbors ain’t.
When life gives you lemons say “Screw you” And go find an orange.
Everything comes out right in the end, and if it isnt right, it isnt the end.
Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.
Your intelligence is my common sense.
Vegetarians are killing the rainforest.
When God made me, he was showing off!!
The hardest part about business is minding your own.
Girl: If you were my husband I would poison your coffee.
Boy: If you were my wife I’d drink it.
I stepped on a cheerio this morning… Does that make me a cereal killer?
Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh, and they’ll think you’re on drugs!
I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.