Short Funny Quotes
A good listener is usually thinking about something else.
Dear optimist, pessimist, and realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
Sincerely, the opportunist.
So she smashed her rearview mirror,
cause from now on shes never looking back
Don’t kiss by the garden gate, love is blind, but the neighbors ain’t.
When life gives you lemons say “Screw you” And go find an orange.
Everything comes out right in the end, and if it isnt right, it isnt the end.
Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.
Stop waiting for Prince Charming. Get up and find him. The poor idiot may be stuck in a tree or something.
Vegetarians are killing the rainforest.
The hardest part about business is minding your own.
When God made me, he was showing off!!
Girl: If you were my husband I would poison your coffee.
Boy: If you were my wife I’d drink it.
I stepped on a cheerio this morning… Does that make me a cereal killer?
Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh, and they’ll think you’re on drugs!
Your intelligence is my common sense.
Video games ruined my life. At least I have 2 left.