Short Funny Quotes

Don’t kiss by the garden gate, love is blind, but the neighbors ain’t.

Submitted by: Klang

When life gives you lemons say “Screw you” And go find an orange.
Everything comes out right in the end, and if it isnt right, it isnt the end.

Submitted by: Samantha LeFavi

Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.

Submitted by: ~Joy96~

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy – the parents.

Submitted by: Flicka

Vegetarians are killing the rainforest.

Submitted by: captain crunch

When God made me, he was showing off!!

Submitted by: Nandish

The hardest part about business is minding your own.

Submitted by: jay

I stepped on a cheerio this morning… Does that make me a cereal killer?

Submitted by: Kristine

Girl: If you were my husband I would poison your coffee.
Boy: If you were my wife I’d drink it.

Submitted by: Carlos

Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh, and they’ll think you’re on drugs!

Submitted by: _FiLa96_

Dear optimist, pessimist, and realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.

Sincerely, the opportunist.

Submitted by: Mark Cromo

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Steven Wright

Submitted by: Kacey

Video games ruined my life. At least I have 2 left.

Submitted by: itadakimasu

Life: Besides gravity, nothing keeps me down.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

Life is a game with a small fault…there is no “restart button” in it.

Submitted by: danz

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