Short Funny Quotes - Page 7
A brain has two parts: the left part and the right part. My left brain has nothing right, while my right brain has nothing left.
Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped
Teachers call it cheating, students call it teamwork.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
Superman really isn’t that impressive, anyone can stop a speeding bullet at least once.
I’m not crazy, my reality is just different from yours.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy – the parents.
If swimming is so good for your figure then how do you explain whales???
Teacher : If your friend wants to borrow $5 and you gave him $10. How much will you get in return?
Student : Nothing!
Teacher : You don’t know Maths.
Student : You don’t know my friend.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
- George Carlin
When the short people attack you, you won’t see them coming.
I didn’t trip; I was testing gravity. It still works.
How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelette?
- George Carlin
An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building and after 50 floors says, “So far so good!”
If I’m not back in 5 minutes… Wait longer..
Why do we kill people who kill people to show that killing people is wrong?
Everybody makes mistakes.. The trick is making em when nobody is around..
When life hands you lemons… Make apple cider.. Then sit back and have everyone wondering how you did it.
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If “poli” means many, and “tics” mean bloodsucking creatures, then what does “politics” mean?
“THE IMPOSSIBLE…” what nobody can do until some body does…….
The first sign of madness is talking to yourself, the second sign is replying.
If Barbie was so popular, Why do people buy her friends ?