Short Funny Quotes

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

Submitted by: magda

Dear optimist, pessimist, and realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.

Sincerely, the opportunist.

Submitted by: Mark Cromo

So she smashed her rearview mirror,
cause from now on shes never looking back

Submitted by: Bushraa

Don’t kiss by the garden gate, love is blind, but the neighbors ain’t.

Submitted by: Klang

When life gives you lemons say “Screw you” And go find an orange.
Everything comes out right in the end, and if it isnt right, it isnt the end.

Submitted by: Samantha LeFavi

Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.

Submitted by: ~Joy96~

Stop waiting for Prince Charming. Get up and find him. The poor idiot may be stuck in a tree or something.

Vegetarians are killing the rainforest.

Submitted by: captain crunch

The hardest part about business is minding your own.

Submitted by: jay

When God made me, he was showing off!!

Submitted by: Nandish

Girl: If you were my husband I would poison your coffee.
Boy: If you were my wife I’d drink it.

Submitted by: Carlos

I stepped on a cheerio this morning… Does that make me a cereal killer?

Submitted by: Kristine

Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh, and they’ll think you’re on drugs!

Submitted by: _FiLa96_

Your intelligence is my common sense.

Submitted by: Swapnil

Video games ruined my life. At least I have 2 left.

Submitted by: itadakimasu

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