Short Funny Quotes

What does it mean when you live on a busy street and your mom tells you to play on the road?

Submitted by: Way2Hot

People tell me there is plenty of fish in the sea, well that is nice and all but I’m human, I don’t date fish .

Submitted by: ky

I’m not crazy, my reality is just different from yours.

Submitted by: Jess

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

Submitted by: Bravo1560

Brother: Did you know that ’sugar’ is the only word in the English language where the ’su’ makes the ’sh’ sound?
Sister: Really?
Brother: Yeah, I’m sure.

Submitted by: lisa

POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN…Police have nothing to go on

Submitted by: DeAnna _starfish

If love is blind then how did it find us???

Submitted by: UR MOMS NEW BOY FRIEND

Why fight to live when we live to die???
YoungBlood: Because, perhaps there are few dying to live. :p

Submitted by: YoungBlood

School for 12 years, college for 4 more years, then you work until you die. Cool.

If karma doesn’t come around and hit you in the face, I will.

Submitted by: Jilll
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He who laughs last doesn’t get it, and he who laughs first has the dirtiest mind!

Submitted by: crazy**** :)

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.
– Leo J. Burke

A brain has two parts: the left part and the right part. My left brain has nothing right, while my right brain has nothing left.

Submitted by: exdevlin92

Iwonderifanyoneknowswhatthebigstickatthebottomofthekeyboardisfor?

Submitted by: levi

If swimming is so good for your figure then how do you explain whales???

Submitted by: IDK e IDC

I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.

Submitted by: therandomone

There are three kinds of people: The ones who learn by reading. The ones who learn by observation. And the rest of them who have to touch the fire to learn it’s hot.

Submitted by: David Hudson

If I can’t hear your heartbeat, you’re too far away.. <3

Submitted by: Xx.Cutie_Pie.xX

The universe contains protons, neutrons, electrons and morons.

Submitted by: Lexy

Why do people say life is short? Live the longest thing you could ever do…

Submitted by: Alie Morino
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I am here so what are your other two wishes?
Hating me won’t make you pretty!
If I followed you home, would you keep me?
You are like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!

Submitted by: .:kaeley:.

Wise people think all they say,
Fools say all they think

Submitted by: Xhw

I never fall off.
I just,
Dismount with style.

Submitted by: HORSA_CLOTHING

My mother texted me “What does IDK, LY & TTYL mean?”
I answered: “I don’t know, love you, talk to you later”
Mother: “OK, I’ll ask your sister”

The girl who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

Submitted by: Rachael :)

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