Short Funny Quotes
Don’t kiss by the garden gate, love is blind, but the neighbors ain’t.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy – the parents.
Life: Besides gravity, nothing keeps me down.
When life gives you lemons say “Screw you” And go find an orange.
Everything comes out right in the end, and if it isnt right, it isnt the end.
Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.
Dear optimist, pessimist, and realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
Sincerely, the opportunist.
Vegetarians are killing the rainforest.
The hardest part about business is minding your own.
When God made me, he was showing off!!
I stepped on a cheerio this morning… Does that make me a cereal killer?
Girl: If you were my husband I would poison your coffee.
Boy: If you were my wife I’d drink it.
Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh, and they’ll think you’re on drugs!
Stop waiting for Prince Charming. Get up and find him. The poor idiot may be stuck in a tree or something.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
– Steven Wright
Video games ruined my life. At least I have 2 left.