Short Funny Quotes - Page 7

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I’m single because I was born that way.
Mae West

46

I did not slap you, I simply high fived your face!!!

Submitted by: shiarna
18

Kids born in 2000 never have to worry about forgetting how old they are.

202

Why do they put pizza in a square box?

Submitted by: win_ringette
126

There are three types of people in this world: Those who can count, and those who can’t.

Submitted by: Mr. Lova Lova
1

I love it when I buy a bag of air & the company is nice enough to put some chips in.

0

Housework won’t kill you, but then again, why take the chance?
– Phyllis Diller

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Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
Bill Cosby

Submitted by: Laughable Dancer Girl
6

I hate how Monday is so far away from Friday and Friday is so close to Monday.

Funny Quote: I hate how Monday is so far...

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7

Whoever said words don’t hurt never got hit in the head with a dictionary.

Submitted by: MrCoolGuy
10

I feel bad for a giraffe who has to throw up.

Submitted by: Christian
0

They say that love is more important than money, have you ever tried paying your bills with a hug?
– Nishan Panwar

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I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.
Robert Orben

10

If someone says: “No offense”, he/she is about to say something offensive.

Submitted by: lolness
21

I like poetry, long walks on the beach, and poking dead things with a stick!
Why is it that when something is delivered by truck, we call it a shipment, but when it’s delivered by ship we call it cargo?

Submitted by: sara
3

I’m proud of myself I finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months, and the box said 2-4 years!

Submitted by: Jamie
13

All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.

Funny Quote: All my life I thought air was...

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Submitted by: Jessy
19

If a robot does the robot is it still the robot or is it just dancing?
The last thing I want to do is hurt you… But it is still on my list :)

Submitted by: princess 98 ?
34

Many people bring joy in my household, some by coming, others by going…

Submitted by: Rikko
267

Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.

Submitted by: Usama
10

Who invented Mondays, I’d like to have a word with him.

Submitted by: Ezzard
0

I’m the type of person that wants to get good grades but doesn’t want to study.

0

My doctor gave me six months to live but when I couldn’t pay the bill, he gave me six months more.
– Matthau

0

I wish there was a pen that could copy and paste.

127

Why is is called a “building” when it’s already been built ?

Submitted by: sophia

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