Short Funny Quotes - Page 7
If there was an award for laziness I’d probably send somebody else to pick it up for me.
If the world really ends in 2012, I wasted my whole life in school.
Love is so confusing – you tell a girl she looks great and what’s the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!
– Robert Orben
I’m single because I was born that way.
– Mae West
Housework won’t kill you, but then again, why take the chance?
– Phyllis Diller
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
– Groucho Marx
When a girl cancels a date she cancels it because she has to…But when a boy cancels a date he cancels it because he has two.
If someone says: “No offense”, he/she is about to say something offensive.
I feel bad for a giraffe who has to throw up.
If a robot does the robot is it still the robot or is it just dancing?
The last thing I want to do is hurt you… But it is still on my list :)
I like poetry, long walks on the beach, and poking dead things with a stick!
Why is it that when something is delivered by truck, we call it a shipment, but when it’s delivered by ship we call it cargo?
Many people bring joy in my household, some by coming, others by going…
Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.
Some call it stalking I call it love.
Why do I end up liking the guy I can only think of.
I was uncool before being uncool was cool!
Get like you? naw Get like me.
I called your boyfriend g*y…and then he hit me with his purse.
When I said “I’d hit that” I meant with my car.
Go buy yourself a life on e- bay.
Few women admit their ages a few men act theirs.
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
– Bill Cosby
I’m not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did.
– Yogi Berra
I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.
– Robert Orben
I wish there was a pen that could copy and paste.
I’m the type of person that wants to get good grades but doesn’t want to study.
Why is is called a “building” when it’s already been built ?
I saw a bug then I thought of you so I stepped on it.
BEER IS NOW CHEAPER THAN GAS, SO DRINK DONT DRIVE!
Who invented Mondays, I’d like to have a word with him.
Relatives are like fires, the sooner they’re out, the better.
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Seeing your ex with someone uglier than you. Awesome.