Short Funny Quotes - Page 7
Why do they put pizza in a square box?
There are three types of people in this world: Those who can count, and those who can’t.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
- Bob Hope
I did not slap you, I simply high fived your face!!!
If a robot does the robot is it still the robot or is it just dancing?
The last thing I want to do is hurt you… But it is still on my list :)
What is the speed of dark?
- Steven Wright
One thing you are sure you will do for the rest of your life: Pull the door that says push.
I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.
- Bill Cosby
If there was an award for laziness I’d probably send somebody else to pick it up for me.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self- help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
- Steven Wright
When a girl cancels a date she cancels it because she has to…But when a boy cancels a date he cancels it because he has two.
She got her good looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
- Groucho Marx
Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.
If someone says: “No offense”, he/she is about to say something offensive.
I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
- Phyllis Diller
I’m single because I was born that way.
- Mae West
I like poetry, long walks on the beach, and poking dead things with a stick!
Why is it that when something is delivered by truck, we call it a shipment, but when it’s delivered by ship we call it cargo?
Many people bring joy in my household, some by coming, others by going…
Relatives are like fires, the sooner they’re out, the better.
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Why is is called a “building” when it’s already been built ?
If you want to look young and skinny stand next to a bunch of fat old people.
Some call it stalking I call it love.
Why do I end up liking the guy I can only think of.
I was uncool before being uncool was cool!
Get like you? naw Get like me.
I called your boyfriend g*y…and then he hit me with his purse.
When I said “I’d hit that” I meant with my car.
Go buy yourself a life on e- bay.
Few women admit their ages a few men act theirs.
All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of potato chips!
Can you cry under water?
Do fishes ever get thirsty?
Why don’t birds fall off trees when they sleep?
When they say dogs food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Why does round pizza come in a square box?
Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle?
The voices in my head aren’t real…my dog told me so.