Short Funny Quotes - Page 7

0

If there was an award for laziness I’d probably send somebody else to pick it up for me.

5

If the world really ends in 2012, I wasted my whole life in school.

Submitted by: Candygirl
9

Who invented Mondays, I’d like to have a word with him.

Submitted by: Ezzard
0

Love is so confusing – you tell a girl she looks great and what’s the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!
- Robert Orben

0

I’m single because I was born that way.
- Mae West

2

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
- Groucho Marx

10

I feel bad for a giraffe who has to throw up.

Submitted by: Christian
10

If someone says: “No offense”, he/she is about to say something offensive.

Submitted by: lolness
19

If a robot does the robot is it still the robot or is it just dancing?
The last thing I want to do is hurt you… But it is still on my list :)

Submitted by: princess 98 ?
29

When a girl cancels a date she cancels it because she has to…But when a boy cancels a date he cancels it because he has two.

Submitted by: shubh
21

I like poetry, long walks on the beach, and poking dead things with a stick!
Why is it that when something is delivered by truck, we call it a shipment, but when it’s delivered by ship we call it cargo?

Submitted by: sara
2

Seeing your ex with someone uglier than you. Awesome.

34

Many people bring joy in my household, some by coming, others by going…

Submitted by: Rikko
267

Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.

Submitted by: Usama
10

Things that are difficult to say when you’re drunk.

Funny Quote: Things that are difficult to say when...

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24

Some call it stalking I call it love.

Why do I end up liking the guy I can only think of.

I was uncool before being uncool was cool!

Get like you? naw Get like me.

I called your boyfriend g*y…and then he hit me with his purse.

When I said “I’d hit that” I meant with my car.

Go buy yourself a life on e- bay.

Few women admit their ages a few men act theirs.

Submitted by: Denisse
0

Housework won’t kill you, but then again, why take the chance?
- Phyllis Diller

0

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
- Bill Cosby

Submitted by: Laughable Dancer Girl
0

I’m not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did.
- Yogi Berra

0

I wish there was a pen that could copy and paste.

127

Why is is called a “building” when it’s already been built ?

Submitted by: sophia
156

BEER IS NOW CHEAPER THAN GAS, SO DRINK DONT DRIVE!

Submitted by: FRANCISCO
19

I never fall off.
I just,
Dismount with style.

Submitted by: HORSA_CLOTHING
12

She got her good looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
- Groucho Marx

Submitted by: Cheynaa.
24

Relatives are like fires, the sooner they’re out, the better.
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Submitted by: the person whom you know not of...

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