Short Funny Quotes - Page 7
If the world really ends in 2012, I wasted my whole life in school.
Who invented Mondays, I’d like to have a word with him.
Love is so confusing – you tell a girl she looks great and what’s the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!
- Robert Orben
I’m single because I was born that way.
- Mae West
A waffle is like a pancake, with a syrup trap.
- Mitch Hedberg
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
- Groucho Marx
I feel bad for a giraffe who has to throw up.
If someone says: “No offense”, he/she is about to say something offensive.
If a robot does the robot is it still the robot or is it just dancing?
The last thing I want to do is hurt you… But it is still on my list :)
When a girl cancels a date she cancels it because she has to…But when a boy cancels a date he cancels it because he has two.
Things that are difficult to say when you’re drunk.
I like poetry, long walks on the beach, and poking dead things with a stick!
Why is it that when something is delivered by truck, we call it a shipment, but when it’s delivered by ship we call it cargo?
Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.
Seeing your ex with someone uglier than you. Awesome.
Many people bring joy in my household, some by coming, others by going…
Can you cry under water?
Do fishes ever get thirsty?
Why don’t birds fall off trees when they sleep?
When they say dogs food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Why does round pizza come in a square box?
Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle?
Some call it stalking I call it love.
Why do I end up liking the guy I can only think of.
I was uncool before being uncool was cool!
Get like you? naw Get like me.
I called your boyfriend g*y…and then he hit me with his purse.
When I said “I’d hit that” I meant with my car.
Go buy yourself a life on e- bay.
Few women admit their ages a few men act theirs.
Housework won’t kill you, but then again, why take the chance?
- Phyllis Diller
I’m not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did.
- Yogi Berra
I wish there was a pen that could copy and paste.
Why is is called a “building” when it’s already been built ?
BEER IS NOW CHEAPER THAN GAS, SO DRINK DONT DRIVE!
She got her good looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
- Groucho Marx
Relatives are like fires, the sooner they’re out, the better.
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
A truthful man doesn’t need a good memory, but a lair does.