Short Funny Quotes - Page 7
There are three types of people in this world: Those who can count, and those who can’t.
If there was an award for laziness I’d probably send somebody else to pick it up for me.
Love is so confusing – you tell a girl she looks great and what’s the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!
– Robert Orben
Housework won’t kill you, but then again, why take the chance?
– Phyllis Diller
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
– Bill Cosby
I’m single because I was born that way.
– Mae West
If someone says: “No offense”, he/she is about to say something offensive.
I feel bad for a giraffe who has to throw up.
The universe contains protons, neutrons, electrons and morons.
One thing you are sure you will do for the rest of your life: Pull the door that says push.
I like poetry, long walks on the beach, and poking dead things with a stick!
Why is it that when something is delivered by truck, we call it a shipment, but when it’s delivered by ship we call it cargo?
Seeing your ex with someone uglier than you. Awesome.
If a robot does the robot is it still the robot or is it just dancing?
The last thing I want to do is hurt you… But it is still on my list :)
Many people bring joy in my household, some by coming, others by going…
Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.
Some call it stalking I call it love.
Why do I end up liking the guy I can only think of.
I was uncool before being uncool was cool!
Get like you? naw Get like me.
I called your boyfriend g*y…and then he hit me with his purse.
When I said “I’d hit that” I meant with my car.
Go buy yourself a life on e- bay.
Few women admit their ages a few men act theirs.
I wish there was a pen that could copy and paste.
I’m the type of person that wants to get good grades but doesn’t want to study.
I’m not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did.
– Yogi Berra
They say that love is more important than money, have you ever tried paying your bills with a hug?
– Nishan Panwar
I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.
– Robert Orben
Why is is called a “building” when it’s already been built ?
Kids born in 2000 never have to worry about forgetting how old they are.
Who invented Mondays, I’d like to have a word with him.
We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.