Short Funny Quotes - Page 7
I’m single because I was born that way.
– Mae West
I did not slap you, I simply high fived your face!!!
Kids born in 2000 never have to worry about forgetting how old they are.
Why do they put pizza in a square box?
There are three types of people in this world: Those who can count, and those who can’t.
I love it when I buy a bag of air & the company is nice enough to put some chips in.
Housework won’t kill you, but then again, why take the chance?
– Phyllis Diller
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
– Bill Cosby
I hate how Monday is so far away from Friday and Friday is so close to Monday.
Whoever said words don’t hurt never got hit in the head with a dictionary.
I feel bad for a giraffe who has to throw up.
They say that love is more important than money, have you ever tried paying your bills with a hug?
– Nishan Panwar
I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.
– Robert Orben
If someone says: “No offense”, he/she is about to say something offensive.
I like poetry, long walks on the beach, and poking dead things with a stick!
Why is it that when something is delivered by truck, we call it a shipment, but when it’s delivered by ship we call it cargo?
I’m proud of myself I finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months, and the box said 2-4 years!
All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.
If a robot does the robot is it still the robot or is it just dancing?
The last thing I want to do is hurt you… But it is still on my list :)
Many people bring joy in my household, some by coming, others by going…
Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.
Who invented Mondays, I’d like to have a word with him.
I’m the type of person that wants to get good grades but doesn’t want to study.
My doctor gave me six months to live but when I couldn’t pay the bill, he gave me six months more.
I wish there was a pen that could copy and paste.
Why is is called a “building” when it’s already been built ?