Short Funny Quotes | Funny Life Quotes | Cool Funny Quotes - Page 7

People have told me to never say never – they broke their own rule!

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Heaven doesn’t want me…and hell is too scared I’ll take over.

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L.O.L has gone from meaning laugh out loud to I have nothing else to say.
Pandas are the least racist..they’re black, white, and Asian
Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver, blue, purple, orange and all those other colors now.
I’m afraid of my mailman……..he knows where I live!!

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If our women with babies use little spoons and forks to feed them. What do Chinese people use? Tooth picks?

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We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up. After I finish laughing!

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Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year.

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Whoever uses the phrase “Easy as taking candy from a baby,” has obviously never tried taking candy from a baby.

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It takes patience to listen.. It takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
– Harmon Okinyo

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If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot!

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Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

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If love is blind then how did it find us???

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He who laughs last doesn’t get it, and he who laughs first has the dirtiest mind!

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When you get old and your kids ask
where all the money went, show
them the vacation videos.

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Always follow the light out of the tunnel. Just make sure that its not a train.

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People tell me there is plenty of fish in the sea, well that is nice and all but I’m human, I don’t date fish .

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Sleep till you’re hungry, eat till you’re sleepy

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As I said before, I never repeat myself.

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I’m not crazy, my reality is just different from yours.

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Brother: Did you know that ‘sugar’ is the only word in the English language where the ‘su’ makes the ‘sh’ sound?
Sister: Really?
Brother: Yeah, I’m sure.

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I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.

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