Short Funny Quotes - Page 7
I feel bad for a giraffe who has to throw up.
Whoever said words don’t hurt never got hit in the head with a dictionary.
All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.
If someone says: “No offense”, he/she is about to say something offensive.
Where’s my chips?
Kids born in 2000 never have to worry about forgetting how old they are.
If my room is clean, it means that my internet is not working.
I wish there was a pen that could copy and paste.
One thing you are sure you will do for the rest of your life: Pull the door that says push.
I like poetry, long walks on the beach, and poking dead things with a stick!
Why is it that when something is delivered by truck, we call it a shipment, but when it’s delivered by ship we call it cargo?
Who invented Mondays, I’d like to have a word with him.
If a robot does the robot is it still the robot or is it just dancing?
The last thing I want to do is hurt you… But it is still on my list :)
Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.
Why is is called a “building” when it’s already been built ?
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times.
– Mark Twain
I’m the type of person that wants to get good grades but doesn’t want to study.
When a girl cancels a date she cancels it because she has to…But when a boy cancels a date he cancels it because he has two.
BEER IS NOW CHEAPER THAN GAS, SO DRINK DONT DRIVE!
Relatives are like fires, the sooner they’re out, the better.
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
The universe contains protons, neutrons, electrons and morons.
Many people bring joy in my household, some by coming, others by going…
The voices in my head aren’t real…my dog told me so.
A truthful man doesn’t need a good memory, but a lair does.