Short Funny Quotes

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Steven Wright

Submitted by: Kacey

I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.

Submitted by: Sir Custac Cant

Life is a game with a small fault…there is no “restart button” in it.

Submitted by: danz

If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving is not for you.

Submitted by: Adrian

Miss are you good in algebra?
Do you mind substituting my “x”??? :P

Submitted by: stig

People want what they can’t have and when they get it they don’t want it anymore.

Practice makes perfect, but if no ones perfect, why practice?

Notice that you are noticing nothing worth noticing?

Submitted by: cassandra

When I see someone that is beautiful, I stare for awhile, and when I get tired, I put down the mirror. 8)

Submitted by: Hallie (11 yers old)

Walking into a restaurant…
Waiter: Would you like a table?
Me: No, we came to sit on the ground… floor for five please.

Me when parents are sleeping: shh they’re asleep.
My parents when I’m asleep: Let’s vacuum for three hours.

I learned three things in school:
1. How to text without looking.
2. How to sleep with my eyes open.
3. And teamwork during tests.

Submitted by: Cassie

I’m not immature…i just know how to have fun.

Submitted by: KazeGirl

If you have something to say, please raise your hand and place it over your mouth.

Submitted by: Aniqa

THINK its not illegal yet

Submitted by: Aryie

If I’m not back in 5 minutes… Wait longer..
Why do we kill people who kill people to show that killing people is wrong?
Everybody makes mistakes.. The trick is making em when nobody is around..
When life hands you lemons… Make apple cider.. Then sit back and have everyone wondering how you did it.

Submitted by: MiMi BaBiI

Why is there no egg in eggplant and no ham in hamburger?

Submitted by: win_ringette

People have told me to never say never – they broke their own rule!

Submitted by: Carla

QUICK!! What’s the number for 911!!!

Submitted by: Deanna

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