Short Funny Quotes

A truthful man doesn’t need a good memory, but a lair does.

Submitted by: allison

Superman really isn’t that impressive, anyone can stop a speeding bullet at least once.

Submitted by: Amnichil

I did not slap you, I simply high fived your face!!!

Submitted by: shiarna

Laughter is the best medicine but if you laugh for no reason, you need medicine.

Don’t believe any rumor until the government denies it.

Submitted by: Bonface stom

Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.

Submitted by: Tina

Old age dosen’t make you forget.
Its all the stupid stuff you try to remember

Submitted by: brianne&&cassie ann

Forget the dog! Beware of kids!

Submitted by: Susan (14 years old)

Energiser bunny arrested: charged with battery.

Submitted by: Nicked

I know I’m in my own little world..but it’s ok..they know me here!

Submitted by: melissa
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When the short people attack you, you won’t see them coming.
I didn’t trip; I was testing gravity. It still works.

Submitted by: SUmmy

I scored high on my drug test.

Submitted by: Manny

I would agree with you if you were right

Submitted by: cmd

Some Are Called Brave Because They Afraid to Run…

Submitted by: Selva

My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.

Submitted by: dave title

Dogs think: People love me, feed me, pet me, they must be God.
Cats think: People love me, feed me, pet me, I must be God.

Submitted by: Jenny

If the stuff that comes out of my mouth upsets you, just think of all the things I keep to myself.

The future just ain’t what it used to be.

Submitted by: Rockymtnguy

True skill comes without effort.

Submitted by: Longfellow

Childhood is like being drunk, everyone remembers what you did, except you.

Submitted by: Ronak Mota
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Teachers call it cheating, students call it teamwork.

Submitted by: Lindsey

Dont face your problem if the problem is your FACE hehehe

Submitted by: Lyka

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If “poli” means many, and “tics” mean bloodsucking creatures, then what does “politics” mean?

Submitted by: Laura

I’m not evil, I’m god with a twist.
I didn’t hit you. I simply high- fived your face.

Submitted by: Sara

Math teacher: I have 5 bottles in one hand, and 6 in the other. What do I have? Student: A drinking problem.

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