Short Funny Quotes

Girl: If you were my husband I would poison your coffee.
Boy: If you were my wife I’d drink it.

Submitted by: Carlos

School for 12 years, college for 4 more years, then you work until you die. Cool.

When God made me, he was showing off!!

Submitted by: Nandish

The hardest part about business is minding your own.

Submitted by: jay

Vegetarians are killing the rainforest.

Submitted by: captain crunch
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Steven Wright

Submitted by: Kacey

Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh, and they’ll think you’re on drugs!

Submitted by: _FiLa96_

I stepped on a cheerio this morning… Does that make me a cereal killer?

Submitted by: Kristine

Video games ruined my life. At least I have 2 left.

Submitted by: itadakimasu

Anti-Pick Up Lines:

He: Can I buy you a drink?
She: Actually, I’d rather have the money.

He: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
She: Sorry. I am having a headache this weekend.

He: Go on. Don’t be shy. Ask me out.
She: Okay. Go out.

He: I think I could make you very happy.
She: Why? Are you leaving?

He: Shall we go see a movie?
She: I have already seen it.

He: Where have you been all my life?
She: Hiding from you.

He: Haven’t I seen you some place before?
She: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.

When I see someone that is beautiful, I stare for awhile, and when I get tired, I put down the mirror. 8)

Submitted by: Hallie (11 yers old)
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I intend to live forever, or die trying.
Groucho Marx

Submitted by: Wes

Life is a game with a small fault…there is no “restart button” in it.

Submitted by: danz

People want what they can’t have and when they get it they don’t want it anymore.

Practice makes perfect, but if no ones perfect, why practice?

Notice that you are noticing nothing worth noticing?

Submitted by: cassandra

Walking into a restaurant…
Waiter: Would you like a table?
Me: No, we came to sit on the ground… floor for five please.

Me when parents are sleeping: shh they’re asleep.
My parents when I’m asleep: Let’s vacuum for three hours.

I learned three things in school:
1. How to text without looking.
2. How to sleep with my eyes open.
3. And teamwork during tests.

Submitted by: Cassie

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