Short Funny Quotes
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
– Steven Wright
I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.
Life is a game with a small fault…there is no “restart button” in it.
If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving is not for you.
Miss are you good in algebra?
Do you mind substituting my “x”??? :P
People want what they can’t have and when they get it they don’t want it anymore.
Practice makes perfect, but if no ones perfect, why practice?
Notice that you are noticing nothing worth noticing?
When I see someone that is beautiful, I stare for awhile, and when I get tired, I put down the mirror. 8)
Walking into a restaurant…
Waiter: Would you like a table?
Me: No, we came to sit on the ground… floor for five please.
Me when parents are sleeping: shh they’re asleep.
My parents when I’m asleep: Let’s vacuum for three hours.
I learned three things in school:
1. How to text without looking.
2. How to sleep with my eyes open.
3. And teamwork during tests.
I’m not immature…i just know how to have fun.
If you have something to say, please raise your hand and place it over your mouth.
THINK its not illegal yet
If I’m not back in 5 minutes… Wait longer..
Why do we kill people who kill people to show that killing people is wrong?
Everybody makes mistakes.. The trick is making em when nobody is around..
When life hands you lemons… Make apple cider.. Then sit back and have everyone wondering how you did it.
Why is there no egg in eggplant and no ham in hamburger?
People have told me to never say never – they broke their own rule!
QUICK!! What’s the number for 911!!!