Short Funny Quotes - Page 8
THINK its not illegal yet
Walking into a restaurant…
Waiter: Would you like a table?
Me: No, we came to sit on the ground… floor for five please.
Me when parents are sleeping: shh they’re asleep.
My parents when I’m asleep: Let’s vacuum for three hours.
I learned three things in school:
1. How to text without looking.
2. How to sleep with my eyes open.
3. And teamwork during tests.
When I see someone that is beautiful, I stare for awhile, and when I get tired, I put down the mirror. 8)
People have told me to never say never – they broke their own rule!
If I’m not back in 5 minutes… Wait longer..
Why do we kill people who kill people to show that killing people is wrong?
Everybody makes mistakes.. The trick is making em when nobody is around..
When life hands you lemons… Make apple cider.. Then sit back and have everyone wondering how you did it.
Why is there no egg in eggplant and no ham in hamburger?
QUICK!! What’s the number for 911!!!
If you have something to say, please raise your hand and place it over your mouth.
L.O.L has gone from meaning laugh out loud to I have nothing else to say.
Pandas are the least racist..they’re black, white, and Asian
Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver, blue, purple, orange and all those other colors now.
I’m afraid of my mailman……..he knows where I live!!
That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
– George Carlin
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
– George Carlin
When cheese gets it’s picture taken what does it say?
If our women with babies use little spoons and forks to feed them. What do Chinese people use? Tooth picks?
Push can get you almost anywere, exept through a door marked ‘pull’.
If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving is not for you.