Short Funny Quotes - Page 8
Do unto other, before they do it to you.
Some see the glass as half empty, others see it as half full, but I am just wondering who the hell is drinking my beer.
When my boss said “You’ve been late for the 5th time!” I thought to myself, “Yay! It’s Friday!”
Pshh. You call that a backflip? Here hold my beer.
My brothers and sisters all hated me cos I was an only child.
Got back from grocery store. Reading the ingredients I noticed:
The lemonade was made with artificial flavoring.
But the dish soap was made with real lemons.
I’m so cool, ice cubes get jealous.
If I melt dry ice and I swam in it, I wouldn’t get wet?
If I’m doing God’s work, then what is God doing?
It’s okay dude we can be loners together.
I just licked your face so now I own it.
Wigs are made of your hair that gets caught in the drain.
What language do deaf people think in?
Do a fish ever gets thirsty?
Welcome to the ool notice there’s no p in it lets keep it that way.
It has reached a point in life that it’s an expense to just get out of bed in the morning and will cost you more if you stay there.
When life gives you lemons, trade them for chocolate. Chip cookies!
I do 5 sit- ups a day. It may seem like a small amount but there’s only so many times you can hit the snooze button.
I meed to stop saying, “How stupid can you be?” because people are starting to take it as a challenge!.
Age and wisdom don’t necessarily go together… Some people just become stupid with more authority.
If life gives you lemons. Open a lemon shop!
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Every time I meet a nice girl she has a boyfriend. 3 of them.
Don’t let you’re friends drink and drive!!!!!
Get drunk and drive with them!!!!
Life is like a box of chocolates, doesn’t last as long for fat people.
I know a thing or two about procrastination. You know what, how about I tell you later. :)
Robber1: Hey! Who are you. I came here first.
Robber2: What!! I’m calling the police.
I have a dig bick.
You that read wrong.
You read that wrong too.
And you read that last sentence twice to make sure we didn’t troll you yet again.
15 out of 10 people exaggerate.
Smile. It irritates those who wish to destroy you.
Immature is only a word boring people use to describe fun people.
Guys- No shirt, no service
Girls- No shirt, no charge
You’re just jealous cos the voices only talk to me.
When you feel sad. To cheer up just go to the mirror and say, “Damn I am really so cute” you will overcome your sadness. But don’t make this a habit. Cos liars go to hell !!!!
What wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood??? What do you mean if a woodchuck could chuck wood?! Are you telling me woodchucks can’t actually chuck wood?!?!!!?!?!
I didn’t forget. I just remembered too late. ;)
What’s the deal with lemons? Why can’t life give us chocolate? Or homework passes?
If school is so helpful, explain why summer break makes me happy.
I still wonder why goods transported by a “Ship” are called “Cargo” and those by cars are called “Shipment”.
Apple wanted to make a iPod for kids. Apparently the name “iTouch kids” didn’t sit very well.
Duck tape is like the force. It has a dark side, a light side, and keeps the universe together.
Where did you meet your wife? At the family reunion?
If men are all the same why do girls choose their men.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from K. F. C. ! Xd.
I’m not mean I’m just stating the facts.
Toilet paper: highly useful, yet inappropriate as a gift.