Short Funny Quotes

When life gives you lemons say “Screw you” And go find an orange.
Everything comes out right in the end, and if it isnt right, it isnt the end.

Submitted by: Samantha LeFavi

Girl: If you were my husband I would poison your coffee.
Boy: If you were my wife I’d drink it.

Submitted by: Carlos

When God made me, he was showing off!!

Submitted by: Nandish

Vegetarians are killing the rainforest.

Submitted by: captain crunch

The hardest part about business is minding your own.

Submitted by: jay
Advertisements

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Steven Wright

Submitted by: Kacey

Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh, and they’ll think you’re on drugs!

Submitted by: _FiLa96_

I stepped on a cheerio this morning… Does that make me a cereal killer?

Submitted by: Kristine

Anti-Pick Up Lines:

He: Can I buy you a drink?
She: Actually, I’d rather have the money.

He: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
She: Sorry. I am having a headache this weekend.

He: Go on. Don’t be shy. Ask me out.
She: Okay. Go out.

He: I think I could make you very happy.
She: Why? Are you leaving?

He: Shall we go see a movie?
She: I have already seen it.

He: Where have you been all my life?
She: Hiding from you.

He: Haven’t I seen you some place before?
She: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.
Groucho Marx

Submitted by: Wes

Video games ruined my life. At least I have 2 left.

Submitted by: itadakimasu
Advertisements

When I see someone that is beautiful, I stare for awhile, and when I get tired, I put down the mirror. 8)

Submitted by: Hallie (11 yers old)

Life is a game with a small fault…there is no “restart button” in it.

Submitted by: danz

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin

People want what they can’t have and when they get it they don’t want it anymore.

Practice makes perfect, but if no ones perfect, why practice?

Notice that you are noticing nothing worth noticing?

Submitted by: cassandra

Copyright © 2006-2018 - All rights reserved. Home | Blog | Contact Us | FAQ | Privacy Policy | Submit A Quote