Short Funny Quotes
If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving is not for you.
If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.
I stepped on a cheerio this morning… Does that make me a cereal killer?
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
– Steven Wright
Video games ruined my life. At least I have 2 left.
Life is a game with a small fault…there is no “restart button” in it.
Don’t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse.
When I see someone that is beautiful, I stare for awhile, and when I get tired, I put down the mirror. 8)
Miss are you good in algebra?
Do you mind substituting my “x”??? :P
People want what they can’t have and when they get it they don’t want it anymore.
Practice makes perfect, but if no ones perfect, why practice?
Notice that you are noticing nothing worth noticing?
Walking into a restaurant…
Waiter: Would you like a table?
Me: No, we came to sit on the ground… floor for five please.
Me when parents are sleeping: shh they’re asleep.
My parents when I’m asleep: Let’s vacuum for three hours.
I learned three things in school:
1. How to text without looking.
2. How to sleep with my eyes open.
3. And teamwork during tests.
Seeing your ex with someone uglier than you. Awesome.
I’m not immature…i just know how to have fun.
Everybody’s has a boyfriend or a girlfriend and I’m just like “I love food”.
If you have something to say, please raise your hand and place it over your mouth.