I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.
A brain has two parts: the left part and the right part. My left brain has nothing right, while my right brain has nothing left.
My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.
If karma doesn’t come around and hit you in the face, I will.
Math teacher: I have 5 bottles in one hand, and 6 in the other. What do I have? Student: A drinking problem.
Why fight to live when we live to die??? YoungBlood: Because, perhaps there are few dying to live. :p
My mother texted me “What does IDK, LY & TTYL mean?” I answered: “I don’t know, love you, talk to you later” Mother: “OK, I’ll ask your sister”
If swimming is so good for your figure then how do you explain whales???
There are three kinds of people: The ones who learn by reading. The ones who learn by observation. And the rest of them who have to touch the fire to learn it’s hot.
Don’t believe any rumor until the government denies it.
The first 40 years of your childhood are always the hardest.
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.
Why do people say life is short? Live the longest thing you could ever do…
When I drink alcohol…everyone says I’m alcoholic but When I drink Fanta…no one says I’m fantastic.
I would agree with you if you were right
I’m not fat. I’m just so sexy that it overflows.
The girl who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip. – Winston Churchill
Superman really isn’t that impressive, anyone can stop a speeding bullet at least once.
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