Short Funny Quotes - Page 8
You call it immature, I call it having a good time.
You call it a crime, I call it legal.. I didn’t get caught yet.
Wanna see the rest of my dictionary?
Who could be so cruel too put a ‘S’ in lisp.
Math teacher: I have 5 bottles in one hand, and 6 in the other. What do I have? Student: A drinking problem.
The truth hurts….. Thats why I lie =P
I wasn’t sleeping I was just taking a good look at my eye- lids.
Behind Every Successful Person Lies A Pack Of Haters.
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
- W. C. Fields
The most dangerous person is a mailman becoming a hitman, he knows where you live.
Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly.
- Mother Teresa
Old age dosen’t make you forget.
Its all the stupid stuff you try to remember
First grader: Teacher! I need to pee!
Teacher: Johnny, raise your hand first.
Johnny: Does that help?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
- Steven Wright
I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.
- Steven Wright
We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.
Young enough to know I can, old enough to know I shouldn’t, stupid enough to do it anyway.
I want a six month vacation…Twice a year.
Science is always wrong. It never solves a problem without creating ten more.
~ George Bernard Shaw
From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!
- Dr. Seuss
The only problem with politicians taking two week vacations every year is it’s about 50 weeks too short.
- Jarod Kintz
Flying is learning how to fall without hitting the ground.
You never hear anybody say “Lets Yahoo it”, just saying.
I saw a bug then I thought of you so I stepped on it.
Funny how stressed spelled backwards is desserts.
This is my life and I don’t let others ruin it !!… I wanna do it myself :D
Do not drink and drive
or you might spill the drink.
I have great faith in fools; self- confidence my friends call it.
- Edgar Allen Poe
When someone says “Can I ask you a question?” they didn’t really give you a choice.
Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep.
- Albert Camus
Good girls are bad girls who never get caught.
Energiser bunny arrested: charged with battery.
Heaven doesn’t want me…and hell is too scared I’ll take over.
Pans…can be used as weapons or shields.
I’m no cactus expert, but I know a prick when I see one.
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.
- Charles M. Schulz
Amamda: My teacher pointed at me with a ruler today.
Amanda: He said, “There is an idiot at the end of this ruler”
Karmenia: Ohhhhh he called you an idiot??
Amanda: No I got detention for asking which end he was talking about.
Karnebua: That’s ma girl!
Did you ever notice that when you put the words “The” and “IRS” together, it spells “THEIRS?”
When my boss said “You’ve been late for the 5th time!” I thought to myself, “Yay! It’s Friday!”
I had superpowers until my therapist took them away!
Me?? Stalk?? Nah.. I just observe.. At night… Behind a tree… Alone…
I haven’t lost it. I just misplaced it…somewhere on this planet.
Genius is a person who can do a work in one day…but a fool does it in one year…. Just as we complete our syllabus in one day & our teachers do it in one year… WE ROCK.