Short Funny Quotes

Walking into a restaurant…
Waiter: Would you like a table?
Me: No, we came to sit on the ground… floor for five please.

Me when parents are sleeping: shh they’re asleep.
My parents when I’m asleep: Let’s vacuum for three hours.

I learned three things in school:
1. How to text without looking.
2. How to sleep with my eyes open.
3. And teamwork during tests.

Submitted by: Cassie

Miss are you good in algebra?
Do you mind substituting my “x”??? :P

Submitted by: stig

I’m not immature…i just know how to have fun.

Submitted by: KazeGirl

Childhood is like being drunk, everyone remembers what you did, except you.

Submitted by: Ronak Mota

If you have something to say, please raise your hand and place it over your mouth.

Submitted by: Aniqa
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QUICK!! What’s the number for 911!!!
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Submitted by: Deanna

THINK its not illegal yet

Submitted by: Aryie

Why is there no egg in eggplant and no ham in hamburger?

Submitted by: win_ringette

If I’m not back in 5 minutes… Wait longer..
Why do we kill people who kill people to show that killing people is wrong?
Everybody makes mistakes.. The trick is making em when nobody is around..
When life hands you lemons… Make apple cider.. Then sit back and have everyone wondering how you did it.

Submitted by: MiMi BaBiI

People have told me to never say never – they broke their own rule!

Submitted by: Carla

Don’t do drugs kids. There’s a time and place for everything. It’s called college.

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Your age doesn’t lie. Neither does that face.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

L.O.L has gone from meaning laugh out loud to I have nothing else to say.
Pandas are the least racist..they’re black, white, and Asian
Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver, blue, purple, orange and all those other colors now.
I’m afraid of my mailman……..he knows where I live!!

Submitted by: SUmmy

Heaven doesn’t want me…and hell is too scared I’ll take over.

Submitted by: J3$$a

That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
George Carlin

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