Short Funny Quotes

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin

If you have something to say, please raise your hand and place it over your mouth.

Submitted by: Aniqa

THINK its not illegal yet

Submitted by: Aryie

QUICK!! What’s the number for 911!!!
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Submitted by: Deanna

Why is there no egg in eggplant and no ham in hamburger?

Submitted by: win_ringette

People have told me to never say never – they broke their own rule!

Submitted by: Carla

L.O.L has gone from meaning laugh out loud to I have nothing else to say.
Pandas are the least racist..they’re black, white, and Asian
Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver, blue, purple, orange and all those other colors now.
I’m afraid of my mailman……..he knows where I live!!

Submitted by: SUmmy

If I’m not back in 5 minutes… Wait longer..
Why do we kill people who kill people to show that killing people is wrong?
Everybody makes mistakes.. The trick is making em when nobody is around..
When life hands you lemons… Make apple cider.. Then sit back and have everyone wondering how you did it.

Submitted by: MiMi BaBiI
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I intend to live forever, or die trying.
Groucho Marx

Submitted by: Wes

Heaven doesn’t want me…and hell is too scared I’ll take over.

Submitted by: J3$$a

That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
George Carlin

I turned my phone onto “Airplane mode” and threw it up into the air. Worst Transformer Ever.

Submitted by: D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R123

When cheese gets it’s picture taken what does it say?

Submitted by: win_ringette

If our women with babies use little spoons and forks to feed them. What do Chinese people use? Tooth picks?

Submitted by: haylse

Push can get you almost anywere, exept through a door marked ‘pull’.

Submitted by: imo-gadget-303

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