Short Funny Quotes - Page 9
When I have children I am going to make them watch the movie 2012 and tell them I survived that like a Boss!
Which weapon can be made from the combination of, potassium, nickel, iron?. First of all explanation; the chemical symbol of potassium is k, for nickel is ni, for iron is fe. So the weapon is knife.
Ever stopped to think and forgot to start again?
If guns don’t kill people, but people kill people, then doesn’t that mean that toasters don’t toast toast, but instead toast toasts toast?
If you can’t impress anyone with your intelligence confuse them with your bulls***!!!
Age is just a number? Yeah and weed is just a plant!!!!!
If you notice this notice you will notice that this notice is a noticeable notice.
I am making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, your one of them.
If you need advice text me
If you need a friend call me
If you need me come 2 me
But if you need money :((
The subscribe can not be reached.
Good boys and girls go to heaven, bad boys and girls go everywhere.
My parents told me “You watch too much TV and should try reading more!” So I turned on the subtitles.
One thing you are sure you will do for the rest of your life: Pull the door that says push.
Going to McDonald’s for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
People often ask when I was born and I tell them I cannot remember, I was a kid at the time.
I know I am level headed cause I dribble from both sides of my mouth equally.
Being last isn’t always a bad thing. Just think of the first guinea pigs at a beauty academy!
Did you ever notice that when you put the words “The” and “IRS” together, it spells “THEIRS?”
I never gossip. I observe. And then relay my observations to practically everyone.
– Gail Carriger
If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody come sit next to me.
– Alice Roosevelt Longworth
Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.
– Ellen DeGeneres
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
– Mark Twain
Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.
– Paul Terry
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
– A.A. Milne
Every time I see a math word problem it looks like this:
If I have 10 ice cubes and you have 11 apples. How many pancakes will fit on the roof?
Purple because aliens don’t wear hats.
I only drink alcohol when I am alone or with someone else.