Short Funny Quotes - Page 9

6

When I have children I am going to make them watch the movie 2012 and tell them I survived that like a Boss!

4

Which weapon can be made from the combination of, potassium, nickel, iron?. First of all explanation; the chemical symbol of potassium is k, for nickel is ni, for iron is fe. So the weapon is knife.

Submitted by: maravilla adebayo
4

Ever stopped to think and forgot to start again?

Submitted by: rainbowsandunicorns
10

If guns don’t kill people, but people kill people, then doesn’t that mean that toasters don’t toast toast, but instead toast toasts toast?

Submitted by: Seth BACON Phillips
10

If you can’t impress anyone with your intelligence confuse them with your bulls***!!!

Submitted by: Buju Aka Israr
14

Age is just a number? Yeah and weed is just a plant!!!!!

Submitted by: mw is cool
6

If you notice this notice you will notice that this notice is a noticeable notice.

Submitted by: Alyssa
3

I am making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, your one of them.

Submitted by: kaylaa
7

If you need advice text me
If you need a friend call me
If you need me come 2 me
But if you need money :((
.
.
The subscribe can not be reached.

Submitted by: alexx143
7

Good boys and girls go to heaven, bad boys and girls go everywhere.

Submitted by: Ashes obinnah
15

My parents told me “You watch too much TV and should try reading more!” So I turned on the subtitles.

1

One thing you are sure you will do for the rest of your life: Pull the door that says push.

6

Going to McDonald’s for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.

4

People often ask when I was born and I tell them I cannot remember, I was a kid at the time.

Submitted by: davidj
4

I know I am level headed cause I dribble from both sides of my mouth equally.

Submitted by: davidj
2

Being last isn’t always a bad thing. Just think of the first guinea pigs at a beauty academy!

Submitted by: The Eight Jerrys
2

Did you ever notice that when you put the words “The” and “IRS” together, it spells “THEIRS?”

4

I never gossip. I observe. And then relay my observations to practically everyone.
– Gail Carriger
Funny Quote: I never gossip. I observe. And then...

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4

If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody come sit next to me.
– Alice Roosevelt Longworth

1

Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.
– Ellen DeGeneres

2

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Mark Twain
Funny Quote: Never put off until tomorrow what you...

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5

Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.
– Paul Terry

5

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
– A.A. Milne

13

Every time I see a math word problem it looks like this:
If I have 10 ice cubes and you have 11 apples. How many pancakes will fit on the roof?
Answer:
Purple because aliens don’t wear hats.

Submitted by: sweetpea
12

I only drink alcohol when I am alone or with someone else.

Submitted by: Drew

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