Short Funny Quotes - Page 9

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They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.

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I have found men who didn’t know how to kiss. I’ve always found time to teach them.
Mae West

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“The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
Theodore Roosevelt

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I’ve heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
Ronald Reagan

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I wish my phone never ran out of battery and my fridge never ran out of food.

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If you don’t know where you are going, you’ll end up someplace else.
Yogi Berra

5

From great power comes a great electricity bill.

Submitted by: shaqz
415

Life is Short – Talk Fast!

Submitted by: Jaime
20

Living on earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

Submitted by: Phillip
52

The future just ain’t what it used to be.

Submitted by: Rockymtnguy
12

Don’t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse.

7

I saw a bug then I thought of you so I stepped on it.

Submitted by: :)Skyler(:
2

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.
– Franklin P. Jones

Funny Quote: You can learn many things from children....

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165

I only drink alchohol on days that end in y…

Submitted by: louise bobte
28

Math teacher: I have 5 bottles in one hand, and 6 in the other. What do I have? Student: A drinking problem.

28

Before giving a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare.

Submitted by: erskmor4
12

If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?

Submitted by: Kenny
0

It takes one woman twenty years to make a man of her son – and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.
– Helen Rowland

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No matter how many pens I buy, they always ‘mysteriously’ go missing.

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Happiness is waking up, looking at the clock and finding that you still have two hours left to sleep.
– Charles M. Schulz

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I hate it when I look horrible in a group photo and the person who looks good refuses to delete it.

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The only problem with politicians taking two week vacations every year is it’s about 50 weeks too short.
Jarod Kintz

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If there’s a Hell on Earth, it’s high school.
– Lisa Desrochers

19

Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk & the Boy next to you took three, what would you have?
Student: A Fight.

7

When I have children I am going to make them watch the movie 2012 and tell them I survived that like a Boss!


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