Short Funny Quotes - Page 9


The first 40 years of your childhood are always the hardest.

Funny Quote: The first 40 years of your childhood...

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You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.
– Franklin P. Jones

Funny Quote: You can learn many things from children....

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I only drink alchohol on days that end in y…

Submitted by: louise bobte

When I have children I am going to make them watch the movie 2012 and tell them I survived that like a Boss!


Before giving a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare.

Submitted by: erskmor4

Living on earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

Submitted by: Phillip

Google: I have everything. !!
Facebook: I know everyone. !
Tweeter: I know what you guys think!!
Internet: Gosh!!!w/out me. !!you guys are nothing!!!
Funny Quote: Google: I have everything. !! Facebook: I...

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Submitted by: hearty diamond

It takes one woman twenty years to make a man of her son – and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.
~ Helen Rowland


No matter how many pens I buy, they always ‘mysteriously’ go missing.


I want a six month vacation…Twice a year.


Happiness is waking up, looking at the clock and finding that you still have two hours left to sleep.
– Charles M. Schulz


They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.


From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!
Dr. Seuss


I wish my phone never ran out of battery and my fridge never ran out of food.


I will procrastinate later.

Submitted by: Chiz

If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?

Submitted by: Kenny

One thing you are sure you will do for the rest of your life: Pull the door that says push.


“THE IMPOSSIBLE…” what nobody can do until some body does…….

Submitted by: ukdarkangel

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
– Henny Youngman


Interesting confusions:
Can you cry under water?
Do fishes ever get thirsty?
Why don’t birds fall off trees when they sleep?
When they say dogs food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Why does round pizza come in a square box?
Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle?

Submitted by: red sunny

Kids born in 2000 never have to worry about forgetting how old they are.


Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, and you’ll end up in the hospital.

Submitted by: JoJo

You either like me or you hate me, either way, you idiots still know my name.
I’m not random. I just have many thoughts I feel you should know.

Submitted by: katee

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted and the time of your life!
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the UP button.

Submitted by: Arjay

I hate how Monday is so far away from Friday and Friday is so close to Monday.

Funny Quote: I hate how Monday is so far...

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