Short Funny Quotes - Page 9

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All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
Mae West

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I have found men who didn’t know how to kiss. I’ve always found time to teach them.
Mae West

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“The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
Theodore Roosevelt

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I’ve heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
Ronald Reagan

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If you don’t know where you are going, you’ll end up someplace else.
Yogi Berra

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The future just ain’t what it used to be.

Submitted by: Rockymtnguy
415

Life is Short – Talk Fast!

Submitted by: Jaime
20

Living on earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

Submitted by: Phillip
165

I only drink alchohol on days that end in y…

Submitted by: louise bobte
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We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.

Funny Quote: We’re all mature until somebody brings out...

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Before giving a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare.

Submitted by: erskmor4
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If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?

Submitted by: Kenny
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It takes one woman twenty years to make a man of her son – and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.
– Helen Rowland

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No matter how many pens I buy, they always ‘mysteriously’ go missing.

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I hate it when I look horrible in a group photo and the person who looks good refuses to delete it.

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The only problem with politicians taking two week vacations every year is it’s about 50 weeks too short.
Jarod Kintz

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If there’s a Hell on Earth, it’s high school.
– Lisa Desrochers

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“THE IMPOSSIBLE…” what nobody can do until some body does…….

Submitted by: ukdarkangel
12

Immature is the word mature people use to describe fun people.

Submitted by: KylerBoz52
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Have you ever noticed that studying is a combination of student and dying.

Submitted by: keerthi
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
– Henny Youngman

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Dear Yahoo,
You never hear anybody say “Lets Yahoo it”, just saying.
Sincerely,
Google.

Submitted by: Kyle
11

Interesting confusions:
Can you cry under water?
Do fishes ever get thirsty?
Why don’t birds fall off trees when they sleep?
When they say dogs food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Why does round pizza come in a square box?
Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle?

Submitted by: red sunny
18

I will procrastinate later.

Submitted by: Chiz
26

You either like me or you hate me, either way, you idiots still know my name.
I’m not random. I just have many thoughts I feel you should know.

Submitted by: katee

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