Short Funny Quotes - Page 9
The future just ain’t what it used to be.
I am making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, your one of them.
You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.
– Franklin P. Jones
I only drink alchohol on days that end in y…
Before giving a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare.
Living on earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
Kids born in 2000 never have to worry about forgetting how old they are.
I’m proud of myself I finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months, and the box said 2-4 years!
I want a six month vacation…Twice a year.
Happiness is waking up, looking at the clock and finding that you still have two hours left to sleep.
– Charles M. Schulz
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
I hate it when I look horrible in a group photo and the person who looks good refuses to delete it.
From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!
– Dr. Seuss
The only problem with politicians taking two week vacations every year is it’s about 50 weeks too short.
– Jarod Kintz
It takes one woman twenty years to make a man of her son – and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.
~ Helen Rowland
No matter how many pens I buy, they always ‘mysteriously’ go missing.
Things that are difficult to say when you’re drunk.
I will procrastinate later.
“THE IMPOSSIBLE…” what nobody can do until some body does…….
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
– Henny Youngman
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
– Groucho Marx
Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep.
– Albert Camus
Immature is the word mature people use to describe fun people.
Can you cry under water?
Do fishes ever get thirsty?
Why don’t birds fall off trees when they sleep?
When they say dogs food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Why does round pizza come in a square box?
Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle?