Short Funny Quotes - Page 9
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
– Mae West
I have found men who didn’t know how to kiss. I’ve always found time to teach them.
– Mae West
“The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
– Theodore Roosevelt
I’ve heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
– Ronald Reagan
If you don’t know where you are going, you’ll end up someplace else.
– Yogi Berra
The future just ain’t what it used to be.
Life is Short – Talk Fast!
Living on earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
I only drink alchohol on days that end in y…
We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.
Before giving a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare.
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
It takes one woman twenty years to make a man of her son – and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.
– Helen Rowland
No matter how many pens I buy, they always ‘mysteriously’ go missing.
I hate it when I look horrible in a group photo and the person who looks good refuses to delete it.
The only problem with politicians taking two week vacations every year is it’s about 50 weeks too short.
– Jarod Kintz
If there’s a Hell on Earth, it’s high school.
– Lisa Desrochers
“THE IMPOSSIBLE…” what nobody can do until some body does…….
Immature is the word mature people use to describe fun people.
Have you ever noticed that studying is a combination of student and dying.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
– Henny Youngman
You never hear anybody say “Lets Yahoo it”, just saying.
Can you cry under water?
Do fishes ever get thirsty?
Why don’t birds fall off trees when they sleep?
When they say dogs food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Why does round pizza come in a square box?
Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle?
I will procrastinate later.
You either like me or you hate me, either way, you idiots still know my name.
I’m not random. I just have many thoughts I feel you should know.