Short Funny Quotes - Page 9
“The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
– Theodore Roosevelt
Life is Short – Talk Fast!
The future just ain’t what it used to be.
You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.
– Franklin P. Jones
Living on earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
I only drink alchohol on days that end in y…
Before giving a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare.
Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep.
– Albert Camus
From great power comes a great electricity bill.
Math teacher: I have 5 bottles in one hand, and 6 in the other. What do I have? Student: A drinking problem.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
I hate it when I look horrible in a group photo and the person who looks good refuses to delete it.
From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!
– Dr. Seuss
The only problem with politicians taking two week vacations every year is it’s about 50 weeks too short.
– Jarod Kintz
If there’s a Hell on Earth, it’s high school.
– Lisa Desrochers
It takes one woman twenty years to make a man of her son – and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.
~ Helen Rowland
No matter how many pens I buy, they always ‘mysteriously’ go missing.
I want a six month vacation…Twice a year.
Happiness is waking up, looking at the clock and finding that you still have two hours left to sleep.
– Charles M. Schulz
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
“THE IMPOSSIBLE…” what nobody can do until some body does…….
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
– Henny Youngman
I saw a bug then I thought of you so I stepped on it.
My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.