Short Funny Quotes - Page 9
You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.
– Franklin P. Jones
I only drink alchohol on days that end in y…
When I have children I am going to make them watch the movie 2012 and tell them I survived that like a Boss!
Before giving a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare.
Living on earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
Google: I have everything. !!
Facebook: I know everyone. !
Tweeter: I know what you guys think!!
Internet: Gosh!!!w/out me. !!you guys are nothing!!!
I want a six month vacation…Twice a year.
Happiness is waking up, looking at the clock and finding that you still have two hours left to sleep.
– Charles M. Schulz
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
– Benjamin Franklin
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!
– Dr. Seuss
I’ve heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
– Ronald Reagan
I wish my phone never ran out of battery and my fridge never ran out of food.
It takes one woman twenty years to make a man of her son – and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.
~ Helen Rowland
No matter how many pens I buy, they always ‘mysteriously’ go missing.
I will procrastinate later.
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
One thing you are sure you will do for the rest of your life: Pull the door that says push.
“THE IMPOSSIBLE…” what nobody can do until some body does…….
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
– Henny Youngman
The first 40 years of your childhood are always the hardest.
Can you cry under water?
Do fishes ever get thirsty?
Why don’t birds fall off trees when they sleep?
When they say dogs food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Why does round pizza come in a square box?
Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle?
Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, and you’ll end up in the hospital.
You either like me or you hate me, either way, you idiots still know my name.
I’m not random. I just have many thoughts I feel you should know.
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted and the time of your life!
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the UP button.