Short Funny Quotes - Page 9
The future just ain’t what it used to be.
You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.
- Franklin P. Jones
I only drink alchohol on days that end in y…
When I have children I am going to make them watch the movie 2012 and tell them I survived that like a Boss!
Before giving a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare.
Google: I have everything. !!
Facebook: I know everyone. !
Tweeter: I know what you guys think!!
Internet: Gosh!!!w/out me. !!you guys are nothing!!!
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
My psychiatrist said to me, “Take these pills and you’ll be all right.” I told him that there’s nothing wrong with me, it’s the rest of the world, “I know. But it’s easier for you to take the pills than the rest of the world.”
I’ve heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
- Ronald Reagan
I wish my phone never ran out of battery and my fridge never ran out of food.
It takes one woman twenty years to make a man of her son – and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.
~ Helen Rowland
No matter how many pens I buy, they always ‘mysteriously’ go missing.
I want a six month vacation…Twice a year.
We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.
I hate how Monday is so far away from Friday and Friday is so close to Monday.
Living on earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
I will procrastinate later.
“THE IMPOSSIBLE…” what nobody can do until some body does…….
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
- Henny Youngman
You either like me or you hate me, either way, you idiots still know my name.
I’m not random. I just have many thoughts I feel you should know.
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted and the time of your life!
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the UP button.
The first 40 years of your childhood are always the hardest.
Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, and you’ll end up in the hospital.