Short Funny Quotes - Page 9

52

The future just ain’t what it used to be.

Submitted by: Rockymtnguy
3

I’m proud of myself I finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months, and the box said 2-4 years!

Submitted by: Jamie
2

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.
– Franklin P. Jones

Funny Quote: You can learn many things from children....

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165

I only drink alchohol on days that end in y…

Submitted by: louise bobte
23

My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.

Submitted by: dave title
28

Before giving a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare.

Submitted by: erskmor4
4

The first 40 years of your childhood are always the hardest.

Funny Quote: The first 40 years of your childhood...

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20

Living on earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

Submitted by: Phillip
0

It takes one woman twenty years to make a man of her son – and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.
~ Helen Rowland

0

No matter how many pens I buy, they always ‘mysteriously’ go missing.

0

I want a six month vacation…Twice a year.

0

Happiness is waking up, looking at the clock and finding that you still have two hours left to sleep.
– Charles M. Schulz

0

They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.

0

I hate it when I look horrible in a group photo and the person who looks good refuses to delete it.

0

From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!
Dr. Seuss

0

The only problem with politicians taking two week vacations every year is it’s about 50 weeks too short.
Jarod Kintz

0

If there’s a Hell on Earth, it’s high school.
– Lisa Desrochers

5

Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep.
Albert Camus

85

“THE IMPOSSIBLE…” what nobody can do until some body does…….

Submitted by: ukdarkangel
12

If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?

Submitted by: Kenny
12

All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.

Funny Quote: All my life I thought air was...

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Submitted by: Jessy
10

Interesting confusions:
Can you cry under water?
Do fishes ever get thirsty?
Why don’t birds fall off trees when they sleep?
When they say dogs food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Why does round pizza come in a square box?
Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle?

Submitted by: red sunny
6

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
– Henny Youngman

5

From great power comes a great electricity bill.

Submitted by: shaqz
12

Immature is the word mature people use to describe fun people.

Submitted by: KylerBoz52

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