Short Funny Quotes - Page 9
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
I have found men who didn’t know how to kiss. I’ve always found time to teach them.
– Mae West
“The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
– Theodore Roosevelt
I’ve heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
– Ronald Reagan
I wish my phone never ran out of battery and my fridge never ran out of food.
If you don’t know where you are going, you’ll end up someplace else.
– Yogi Berra
From great power comes a great electricity bill.
Life is Short – Talk Fast!
Living on earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
The future just ain’t what it used to be.
Don’t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse.
I saw a bug then I thought of you so I stepped on it.
You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.
– Franklin P. Jones
I only drink alchohol on days that end in y…
Math teacher: I have 5 bottles in one hand, and 6 in the other. What do I have? Student: A drinking problem.
Before giving a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare.
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
It takes one woman twenty years to make a man of her son – and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.
– Helen Rowland
No matter how many pens I buy, they always ‘mysteriously’ go missing.
Happiness is waking up, looking at the clock and finding that you still have two hours left to sleep.
– Charles M. Schulz
I hate it when I look horrible in a group photo and the person who looks good refuses to delete it.
The only problem with politicians taking two week vacations every year is it’s about 50 weeks too short.
– Jarod Kintz
If there’s a Hell on Earth, it’s high school.
– Lisa Desrochers
Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk & the Boy next to you took three, what would you have?
Student: A Fight.
When I have children I am going to make them watch the movie 2012 and tell them I survived that like a Boss!