Short Funny Quotes - Page 9

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You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.
- Franklin P. Jones

Funny Quote: You can learn many things from children....

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I only drink alchohol on days that end in y…

Submitted by: louise bobte
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When I have children I am going to make them watch the movie 2012 and tell them I survived that like a Boss!

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We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.

Funny Quote: We’re all mature until somebody brings out...

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Before giving a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare.

Submitted by: erskmor4
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Google: I have everything. !!
Facebook: I know everyone. !
Tweeter: I know what you guys think!!
Internet: Gosh!!!w/out me. !!you guys are nothing!!!
Funny Quote: Google: I have everything. !! Facebook: I...

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Submitted by: hearty diamond
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Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin

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They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.

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I’ve heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
- Ronald Reagan

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I wish my phone never ran out of battery and my fridge never ran out of food.

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It takes one woman twenty years to make a man of her son – and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.
~ Helen Rowland

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No matter how many pens I buy, they always ‘mysteriously’ go missing.

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I want a six month vacation…Twice a year.

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Living on earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

Submitted by: Phillip
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If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?

Submitted by: Kenny
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I will procrastinate later.

Submitted by: Chiz
85

“THE IMPOSSIBLE…” what nobody can do until some body does…….

Submitted by: ukdarkangel
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
- Henny Youngman

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You either like me or you hate me, either way, you idiots still know my name.
I’m not random. I just have many thoughts I feel you should know.

Submitted by: katee
360

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted and the time of your life!
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the UP button.

Submitted by: Arjay
3

The first 40 years of your childhood are always the hardest.

Funny Quote: The first 40 years of your childhood...

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Seeing your ex with someone uglier than you. Awesome.

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Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, and you’ll end up in the hospital.

Submitted by: JoJo
351

Good girls ar bad girls that aren’t caught.

Submitted by: Briana
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One thing you are sure you will do for the rest of your life: Pull the door that says push.


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