Short Funny Quotes - Page 9
Immature is the word mature people use to describe fun people.
An onion can make people cry but there’s never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.
- Will Rogers
Before giving a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare.
I’ve heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
- Ronald Reagan
I wish my phone never ran out of battery and my fridge never ran out of food.
It takes one woman twenty years to make a man of her son – and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.
~ Helen Rowland
No matter how many pens I buy, they always ‘mysteriously’ go missing.
I want a six month vacation…Twice a year.
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
Living on earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.
I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
- Henny Youngman
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, “Why god? Why me?” and the thundering voice of God answered, There’s just something about you that pisses me off.
“THE IMPOSSIBLE…” what nobody can do until some body does…….
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
I will procrastinate later.
You either like me or you hate me, either way, you idiots still know my name.
I’m not random. I just have many thoughts I feel you should know.
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted and the time of your life!
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the UP button.
Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, and you’ll end up in the hospital.
Good girls ar bad girls that aren’t caught.
I hate how when I read in my head I sound like a pro, but when I read out loud I sound like an idiot.
Happiness is waking up, looking at the clock and finding that you still have two hours left to sleep.
- Charles M. Schulz
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin
No one is as ugly as their driving license/identity card picture, nor as good- looking as their Facebook profile pic..!:D;)