Short Funny Quotes - Page 9


The future just ain’t what it used to be.

Submitted by: Rockymtnguy

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.
- Franklin P. Jones

Funny Quote: You can learn many things from children....

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I only drink alchohol on days that end in y…

Submitted by: louise bobte

When I have children I am going to make them watch the movie 2012 and tell them I survived that like a Boss!


Before giving a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare.

Submitted by: erskmor4

Google: I have everything. !!
Facebook: I know everyone. !
Tweeter: I know what you guys think!!
Internet: Gosh!!!w/out me. !!you guys are nothing!!!
Funny Quote: Google: I have everything. !! Facebook: I...

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Submitted by: hearty diamond

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin


They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.


My psychiatrist said to me, “Take these pills and you’ll be all right.” I told him that there’s nothing wrong with me, it’s the rest of the world, “I know. But it’s easier for you to take the pills than the rest of the world.”

Submitted by: Robert D Dangoor

I’ve heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
- Ronald Reagan


I wish my phone never ran out of battery and my fridge never ran out of food.


It takes one woman twenty years to make a man of her son – and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.
~ Helen Rowland


No matter how many pens I buy, they always ‘mysteriously’ go missing.


I want a six month vacation…Twice a year.


We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.

Funny Quote: We’re all mature until somebody brings out...

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I hate how Monday is so far away from Friday and Friday is so close to Monday.

Funny Quote: I hate how Monday is so far...

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Living on earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

Submitted by: Phillip

If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?

Submitted by: Kenny

I will procrastinate later.

Submitted by: Chiz

“THE IMPOSSIBLE…” what nobody can do until some body does…….

Submitted by: ukdarkangel

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
- Henny Youngman


You either like me or you hate me, either way, you idiots still know my name.
I’m not random. I just have many thoughts I feel you should know.

Submitted by: katee

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted and the time of your life!
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the UP button.

Submitted by: Arjay

The first 40 years of your childhood are always the hardest.

Funny Quote: The first 40 years of your childhood...

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Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, and you’ll end up in the hospital.

Submitted by: JoJo

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