Short Funny Quotes - Page 9

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“The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
Theodore Roosevelt

415

Life is Short – Talk Fast!

Submitted by: Jaime
52

The future just ain’t what it used to be.

Submitted by: Rockymtnguy
2

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.
– Franklin P. Jones

Funny Quote: You can learn many things from children....

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Living on earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

Submitted by: Phillip
165

I only drink alchohol on days that end in y…

Submitted by: louise bobte
28

Before giving a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare.

Submitted by: erskmor4
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Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep.
Albert Camus

5

From great power comes a great electricity bill.

Submitted by: shaqz
25

Math teacher: I have 5 bottles in one hand, and 6 in the other. What do I have? Student: A drinking problem.

18

When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?

12

If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?

Submitted by: Kenny
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I hate it when I look horrible in a group photo and the person who looks good refuses to delete it.

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From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!
Dr. Seuss

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The only problem with politicians taking two week vacations every year is it’s about 50 weeks too short.
Jarod Kintz

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If there’s a Hell on Earth, it’s high school.
– Lisa Desrochers

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It takes one woman twenty years to make a man of her son – and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.
~ Helen Rowland

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No matter how many pens I buy, they always ‘mysteriously’ go missing.

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I want a six month vacation…Twice a year.

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Happiness is waking up, looking at the clock and finding that you still have two hours left to sleep.
– Charles M. Schulz

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They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.

85

“THE IMPOSSIBLE…” what nobody can do until some body does…….

Submitted by: ukdarkangel
6

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
– Henny Youngman

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I saw a bug then I thought of you so I stepped on it.

Submitted by: :)Skyler(:
28

My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.

Submitted by: dave title

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