Short Funny Quotes - Page 9
Before giving a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare.
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
I’ve heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
- Ronald Reagan
I wish my phone never ran out of battery and my fridge never ran out of food.
It takes one woman twenty years to make a man of her son – and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.
~ Helen Rowland
No matter how many pens I buy, they always ‘mysteriously’ go missing.
I want a six month vacation…Twice a year.
Living on earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
“THE IMPOSSIBLE…” what nobody can do until some body does…….
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
- Henny Youngman
The universe contains protons, neutrons, electrons and morons.
Google: I have everything. !!
Facebook: I know everyone. !
Tweeter: I know what you guys think!!
Internet: Gosh!!!w/out me. !!you guys are nothing!!!
I will procrastinate later.
I am making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, your one of them.
When I have children I am going to make them watch the movie 2012 and tell them I survived that like a Boss!
You either like me or you hate me, either way, you idiots still know my name.
I’m not random. I just have many thoughts I feel you should know.
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted and the time of your life!
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the UP button.
Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, and you’ll end up in the hospital.
Good girls ar bad girls that aren’t caught.
I saw a bug then I thought of you so I stepped on it.
I hate how Monday is so far away from Friday and Friday is so close to Monday.
Happiness is waking up, looking at the clock and finding that you still have two hours left to sleep.
- Charles M. Schulz
From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!
- Dr. Seuss