Short Funny Quotes - Page 9
The future just ain’t what it used to be.
I’m proud of myself I finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months, and the box said 2-4 years!
You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.
– Franklin P. Jones
I only drink alchohol on days that end in y…
My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.
Before giving a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare.
The first 40 years of your childhood are always the hardest.
Living on earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
It takes one woman twenty years to make a man of her son – and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.
~ Helen Rowland
No matter how many pens I buy, they always ‘mysteriously’ go missing.
I want a six month vacation…Twice a year.
Happiness is waking up, looking at the clock and finding that you still have two hours left to sleep.
– Charles M. Schulz
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
I hate it when I look horrible in a group photo and the person who looks good refuses to delete it.
From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!
– Dr. Seuss
The only problem with politicians taking two week vacations every year is it’s about 50 weeks too short.
– Jarod Kintz
If there’s a Hell on Earth, it’s high school.
– Lisa Desrochers
Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep.
– Albert Camus
“THE IMPOSSIBLE…” what nobody can do until some body does…….
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.
Can you cry under water?
Do fishes ever get thirsty?
Why don’t birds fall off trees when they sleep?
When they say dogs food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Why does round pizza come in a square box?
Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle?
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
– Henny Youngman
From great power comes a great electricity bill.
Immature is the word mature people use to describe fun people.