Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor
If someone tells you to never take advice from anyone should you take his?
Teacher: What do you wish to do with your future?
Me: Stay alive until the day I die.
The first sign of madness is: hairs on the palms of your hands.
The second sign is: looking for them.
To the guy who texted me the last day
“I love you. So what do you think?”
A reply to him.
“Yes. Of course even I love myself”.
Asked the cause of my injury, I explained: “My back couldn’t bear the weight of my stupidity.”
– Alan Robert Neal
Whoever put the word fun in funeral?
– Anthony Liccione
I’m going to stop putting things off, starting tomorrow!
– Sam Levenson
Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.
– Sam Levenson
It’s an easy thing to commit a sin, I wonder how God expects people to fail doing an easy task.
Brevity is the soul of wit.
If you pull enough strings, you’ll end up pulling ropes.
A girl phoned me the other day and said, ‘Come on over. There’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
– Rodney Dangerfield
When you have wit of your own, it’s a pleasure to credit other people for theirs.
— Criss Jami
For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.
– Douglas Adams
It was raining cats and dogs and there were poodles in the street.
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.
If you have nothing to be grateful for, check your pulse.
My mom has the most awesome daughter in the world!
Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
– Winston Churchill
There are two rules in life.
1. Never give out all of the information.