Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

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For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.
Douglas Adams

Witty Quote: For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after...

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It was raining cats and dogs and there were poodles in the street.

Submitted by: James Hepple

A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.

Witty Quote: A compromise is an agreement whereby both...

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If you have nothing to be grateful for, check your pulse.

Witty Quote: If you have nothing to be grateful...

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My mom has the most awesome daughter in the world!

Witty Quote: My mom has the most awesome daughter...

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Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
Winston Churchill

Witty Quote: Tact is the ability to tell someone...

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There are two rules in life.
1. Never give out all of the information.

Witty Quote: There are two rules in life. 1....

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Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
Benjamin Franklin

Witty Quote: Three may keep a secret, if two...

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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright

Witty Quote: Everywhere is within walking distance if you...

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Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does buy everything else.

It is better to be rich & miserable than poor & miserable.

My ancestors didn’t fight their way to the top of the food chain so I could be a vegetarian.

Witty Quote: Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does...

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The fridge is a perfect example of what’s inside is what matters.

Submitted by: Anika

If I’m driving you crazy just remember to put on your seat belt.

Submitted by: Thomas

There’s nothing to fear. Except maybe that weird guy over there.

Witty Quote: There’s nothing to fear. Except maybe that...

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Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

If money doesn’t grow on trees why do bank have branches?

Submitted by: Jamyang Tenzin

If at first you don’t succeed, see what the loser gets.

Submitted by: Inspired

Come to think of it, when *isn’t* it a good idea to go limp and play dead???

Submitted by: John Alejandro King

If dreams really come true, what about nightmares.

Submitted by: Dyoung shall grow

Person 1: That lady looks really interesting.
Person 2: She looks like her daddy.

Submitted by: IAmunknown

I’m sorry, did that hurt? I thought that there was a gnat on your cheek.

Submitted by: IAmunknown

Understanding the single-line quote is like comprehending the bulky book with its title only and correctly.
– Anuj Somany

Submitted by: Anuj Somany

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