Witty Quotes and Sayings - Page 2

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
Of course, it’s very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs.
You can’t be late until you show up.
The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.
The secret to creativity is [...]

43 Comments to “Witty Quotes and Sayings”

• 21. Doreen Deramo wrote on 4 August, 2009, 6:32

   Vote: 23   11  

  Energizer Bunny arrested — charged with battery.
• 22. Doreen Deramo wrote on 4 August, 2009, 6:34

   Vote: 18   10  

  If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.
• 23. Susanne wrote on 6 August, 2009, 23:04

   Vote: 34   9  

  I live in my own world but it’s okay. They know me there.
• 24. smiley35 wrote on 23 August, 2009, 16:23

   Vote: 38   0  

  There are three kinds of people in the world. People who make things happen. People who watch things happen and people who say “What happened?”.
• 25. domino wrote on 4 September, 2009, 22:48

   Vote: 18   4  

  I refuse to have a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent.

  Don’t be so humble-you are not that great.
• 26. Chris Childs wrote on 12 September, 2009, 4:50

   Vote: 10   6  

  A lot of people get a monkey off their back in order to make room for an elephant.
  - John Alejandro King
• 27. tex wrote on 15 September, 2009, 12:18

   Vote: 13   8  

  If at first you don’t succeed, …then skydiving is probably NOT for you.
• 28. ice cream wrote on 15 September, 2009, 17:38

   Vote: 15   6  

  Newtons Law of Romance:
  Love can neither be created nor be destroyed,
  It can only be changed from one girl friend to another.
• 29. bob wrote on 19 September, 2009, 1:39

   Vote: 17   7  

  Aerodynamically the Bumble B. shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumble B. doesn’t know it so it just keeps on flying anyway.
• 30. Steven Johal wrote on 22 September, 2009, 5:18

   Vote: 19   49  

  It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job: it’s a depression when you lose yours.
• 31. JPoet wrote on 22 September, 2009, 13:21

   Vote: 20   22  

  Just when you thought the entire world has forgotten about you…a bill collector calls to remind you that they will never forget about you.
• 32. Shorty wrote on 27 September, 2009, 14:56

   Vote: 25   10  

  Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
• 33. Shorty wrote on 27 September, 2009, 14:57

   Vote: 13   7  

  If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.
• 34. Shorty wrote on 27 September, 2009, 14:58

   Vote: 17   4  

  Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
• 35. Olga wrote on 17 October, 2009, 1:40

   Vote: 9   3  

  ‘Expert’ – from the adjective *pert*, meaning ‘lively’ or ‘effective,’ and the prefix *ex-*, meaning ‘not.’ – John Alejandro King (from The Covert Comic)
• 36. Louies wrote on 5 November, 2009, 7:22

   Vote: 13   4  

  Cigarrette Warning: Government is dangerous to your health!
• 37. azul wrote on 23 November, 2009, 23:39

   Vote: 12   2  

  An optimist is a person that falls off the empire state building and after 50 floor says so far so good!
• 38. Nicole wrote on 30 December, 2009, 22:19

   Vote: 14   2  

  Whoever uses the phrase “Easy as taking candy from a baby,” has obviously never tried taking candy from a baby.
• 39. Torie wrote on 30 January, 2010, 15:26

   Vote: 5   0  

  You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever!
• 40. Jordan wrote on 30 January, 2010, 17:43

   Vote: 1   2  

  The IQ of a mob can be determined by taking the IQ of the dumbest member, and dividing by the number of members.