Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 2
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
You can’t spell families, without “lies”.
Just when you thought the entire world has forgotten about you…a bill collector calls to remind you that they will never forget about you.
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier’s face: Priceless!
When you are at the end of your rope…tie a knot and swing :)
There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who can count… And those who can’t.
There is nothing more annoying than two people talking while you’re trying to interrupt.
I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
Having voices in your head is normal. Listening to them, common. Arguing, acceptable. However, when you lose the argument, you’re in trouble.
A beautiful night is when you hug your teddy and go to sleep, but a horror night is when your teddy hugs you back!!!! =)
We have fought for our freedom, then we begin to accumulate laws to take it away from ourself.
When I get home at night I look up at the sky and talk to the stars pretending its you. It acts just like you though, very far away and never responds to anything I say.
If at first you don’t succeed, pay someone else to do it for you.
An optimist is a person that falls off the empire state building and after 50 floor says so far so good!
If I’m driving you crazy just remember to put on your seat belt.
When people ask me with a judging undertone just why it is i’m talking to myself, I answer them: “At least, this way, i’m sure that i’m talking to someone as intelligent as myself, which is as hard to find as a decent answer to that ridiculous question.”
I refuse to have a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent.
Don’t be so humble- you are not that great.
Indecision may or may not be my problem.
– Jimmy Buffett
I would never jump in front of a bullet for someone..If I have time to jump they have time to move the hell out of the way.
The problem with stealing quotes off the internet is you never know if they are genuine.
– Abraham Lincoln