Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

Submitted by: crazygenius

I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

Submitted by: Sneaky

I used to have superpowers… But a therapist took them away.

Submitted by: Bunni

Energizer Bunny arrested — charged with battery.

Submitted by: Doreen Deramo

If at first you don’t succeed, …then skydiving is probably NOT for you.

Submitted by: tex

Being British is about driving a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then traveling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

Submitted by: sofie

You can’t spell families, without “lies”.

Submitted by: Dawn U loverly

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

Submitted by: Shorty

Just when you thought the entire world has forgotten about you…a bill collector calls to remind you that they will never forget about you.

Submitted by: JPoet

There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who can count… And those who can’t.

Submitted by: Willis Wilson

3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier’s face: Priceless!

Submitted by: angiela

When you are at the end of your rope…tie a knot and swing :)

Submitted by: Billie Jean

There is nothing more annoying than two people talking while you’re trying to interrupt.

Submitted by: Rebecca

Having voices in your head is normal. Listening to them, common. Arguing, acceptable. However, when you lose the argument, you’re in trouble.

Submitted by: Adellaide

A beautiful night is when you hug your teddy and go to sleep, but a horror night is when your teddy hugs you back!!!! =)

Submitted by: Hira

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