Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 2

20

I don’t judge God does. I’m the one who makes your appointment.

Submitted by: Cody
9

If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.

Submitted by: Philip Warph
9

Common sense is not so common.

Submitted by: A$$tastic
8

Quickest way to get on your feet… miss a car payment.

Submitted by: Darell Hill
9

The voices in my head were arguing over who would be me today.

Submitted by: Darell Hill
13

Department of redundancy department.

Submitted by: Gary
20

He was a modest man, with much to be modest about.

Submitted by: Gary
9

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
Steven Wright

9

Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
Steven Wright

6

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright

17

A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx

57

If life gives you lemons. Eat carrots.

Submitted by: Naila Boo
29

Save the world. Destroy humans.

Submitted by: christina
4

I used to be apathetic. Now, I just don’t care anymore.

Submitted by: Gary
6

Your ex asking if you can still be friends after a break- up is like a kidnapper telling you to keep in touch.

Submitted by: nisha
21

If a job’s worth doing it’s worth doing tomorrow.
If a job’s worth doing it’s worth leaving to mommy.

Submitted by: Diana Fredriksson
10

I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!

Submitted by: Glen
7

Not being able to sleep at night is a real eye opener.

Submitted by: tina trotter
9

Nothing but the future lies ahead.

Submitted by: Bud Black
8

Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative.

Submitted by: amy o
10

I’m busier than a one legged man in a a** kicking contest.

Submitted by: Bemard
10

You may think the grass is greener on the other side, it may be because there’s more manure there!

Submitted by: Kathy Ashton
32

If my aunt had balls, she’d be my uncle.

Submitted by: Keith
13

The problem with stealing quotes off the internet is you never know if they are genuine.
– Abraham Lincoln

Submitted by: Tool.Tech
8

If I host a party with style, I’m I really hostile?
If two ants elope, are they antelopes?
If I keep standing outside, I’m I outstanding?
If I did not take a seat for a whole night, I’m I a one- night- stand?

Submitted by: Akerele Oluranti Pourl

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