Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 2

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Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

Submitted by: Shorty

You can’t spell families, without “lies”.

Submitted by: Dawn U loverly

Just when you thought the entire world has forgotten about you…a bill collector calls to remind you that they will never forget about you.

Submitted by: JPoet

3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier’s face: Priceless!

Submitted by: angiela

When you are at the end of your rope…tie a knot and swing :)

Submitted by: Billie Jean

There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who can count… And those who can’t.

Submitted by: Willis Wilson

There is nothing more annoying than two people talking while you’re trying to interrupt.

Submitted by: Rebecca

I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

Submitted by: Sneaky

Having voices in your head is normal. Listening to them, common. Arguing, acceptable. However, when you lose the argument, you’re in trouble.

Submitted by: Adellaide

A beautiful night is when you hug your teddy and go to sleep, but a horror night is when your teddy hugs you back!!!! =)

Submitted by: Hira

We have fought for our freedom, then we begin to accumulate laws to take it away from ourself.

Submitted by: Mocca, William

When I get home at night I look up at the sky and talk to the stars pretending its you. It acts just like you though, very far away and never responds to anything I say.

Submitted by: Marie

If at first you don’t succeed, pay someone else to do it for you.

Submitted by: chris cropp

An optimist is a person that falls off the empire state building and after 50 floor says so far so good!

Submitted by: azul

If I’m driving you crazy just remember to put on your seat belt.

Submitted by: Thomas

When people ask me with a judging undertone just why it is i’m talking to myself, I answer them: “At least, this way, i’m sure that i’m talking to someone as intelligent as myself, which is as hard to find as a decent answer to that ridiculous question.”

Submitted by: Sin

I refuse to have a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent.
Don’t be so humble- you are not that great.

Submitted by: domino

Indecision may or may not be my problem.
– Jimmy Buffett

Submitted by: Caitlin Malicki

I would never jump in front of a bullet for someone..If I have time to jump they have time to move the hell out of the way.

Submitted by: domonique

The problem with stealing quotes off the internet is you never know if they are genuine.
– Abraham Lincoln

Submitted by: Tool.Tech

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