Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor
You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever!
I used to have superpowers… But a therapist took them away.
Being British is about driving a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then traveling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
If at first you don’t succeed, …then skydiving is probably NOT for you.
Energizer Bunny arrested — charged with battery.
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
There is nothing more annoying than two people talking while you’re trying to interrupt.
You can’t spell families, without “lies”.
There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who can count… And those who can’t.
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier’s face: Priceless!
Just when you thought the entire world has forgotten about you…a bill collector calls to remind you that they will never forget about you.
Having voices in your head is normal. Listening to them, common. Arguing, acceptable. However, when you lose the argument, you’re in trouble.
When you are at the end of your rope…tie a knot and swing :)
If I’m driving you crazy just remember to put on your seat belt.