Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 2

9

If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.

Submitted by: Philip Warph
6

Common sense is not so common.

Submitted by: A$$tastic
7

Quickest way to get on your feet… miss a car payment.

Submitted by: Darell Hill
8

The voices in my head were arguing over who would be me today.

Submitted by: Darell Hill
10

Department of redundancy department.

Submitted by: Gary
13

He was a modest man, with much to be modest about.

Submitted by: Gary
7

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
Steven Wright

6

Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
Steven Wright

5

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright

13

A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx

46

If life gives you lemons. Eat carrots.

Submitted by: Naila Boo
23

Save the world. Destroy humans.

Submitted by: christina
5

I used to be apathetic. Now, I just don’t care anymore.

Submitted by: Gary
5

Your ex asking if you can still be friends after a break- up is like a kidnapper telling you to keep in touch.

Submitted by: nisha
13

If a job’s worth doing it’s worth doing tomorrow.
If a job’s worth doing it’s worth leaving to mommy.

Submitted by: Diana Fredriksson
8

I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!

Submitted by: Glen
3

Not being able to sleep at night is a real eye opener.

Submitted by: tina trotter
7

Nothing but the future lies ahead.

Submitted by: Bud Black
6

Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative.

Submitted by: amy o
8

I’m busier than a one legged man in a a** kicking contest.

Submitted by: Bemard
7

You may think the grass is greener on the other side, it may be because there’s more manure there!

Submitted by: Kathy Ashton
31

If my aunt had balls, she’d be my uncle.

Submitted by: Keith
12

The problem with stealing quotes off the internet is you never know if they are genuine.
– Abraham Lincoln

Submitted by: Tool.Tech
4

If I host a party with style, I’m I really hostile?
If two ants elope, are they antelopes?
If I keep standing outside, I’m I outstanding?
If I did not take a seat for a whole night, I’m I a one- night- stand?

Submitted by: Akerele Oluranti Pourl
8

An important rule of procrastination: do it today but remember that today will be today again tomorrow.

Submitted by: Phil Sanchez

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