There is nothing more annoying than two people talking while you’re trying to interrupt.
You can’t spell families, without “lies”.
Having voices in your head is normal. Listening to them, common. Arguing, acceptable. However, when you lose the argument, you’re in trouble.
Trust me I am a liar.
There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who can count… And those who can’t.
Just when you thought the entire world has forgotten about you…a bill collector calls to remind you that they will never forget about you.
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier’s face: Priceless!
There are two rules in life. 1. Never give out all of the information.
Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip. – Winston Churchill
If money doesn’t grow on trees why do bank have branches?
When you are at the end of your rope…tie a knot and swing :)
I would never jump in front of a bullet for someone..If I have time to jump they have time to move the hell out of the way.
A beautiful night is when you hug your teddy and go to sleep, but a horror night is when your teddy hugs you back!!!! =)
We have fought for our freedom, then we begin to accumulate laws to take it away from ourself.
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
An optimist is a person that falls off the empire state building and after 50 floor says so far so good!
When I get home at night I look up at the sky and talk to the stars pretending its you. It acts just like you though, very far away and never responds to anything I say.
Last night I lay in my bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought; Where the heck is my ceiling?!
When people ask me with a judging undertone just why it is i’m talking to myself, I answer them: “At least, this way, i’m sure that i’m talking to someone as intelligent as myself, which is as hard to find as a decent answer to that ridiculous question.”
If at first you don’t succeed, pay someone else to do it for you.
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