Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

There are two rules in life.
1. Never give out all of the information.

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
Benjamin Franklin

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright

Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does buy everything else.

It is better to be rich & miserable than poor & miserable.

My ancestors didn’t fight their way to the top of the food chain so I could be a vegetarian.

The fridge is a perfect example of what’s inside is what matters.

Submitted by: Anika

If I’m driving you crazy just remember to put on your seat belt.

Submitted by: Thomas

There’s nothing to fear. Except maybe that weird guy over there.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

If money doesn’t grow on trees why do bank have branches?

Submitted by: Jamyang Tenzin

If at first you don’t succeed, see what the loser gets.

Submitted by: Inspired

Come to think of it, when *isn’t* it a good idea to go limp and play dead???

Submitted by: John Alejandro King

If dreams really come true, what about nightmares.

Submitted by: Dyoung shall grow

Person 1: That lady looks really interesting.
Person 2: She looks like her daddy.

Submitted by: IAmunknown

I’m sorry, did that hurt? I thought that there was a gnat on your cheek.

Submitted by: IAmunknown

Understanding the single-line quote is like comprehending the bulky book with its title only and correctly.
– Anuj Somany

Submitted by: Anuj Somany

My kids seem to only listen to their music and not me; so I tried singing them their chores.

Submitted by: caesar

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