Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

My mom has the most awesome daughter in the world!

Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
Winston Churchill

There are two rules in life.
1. Never give out all of the information.

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
Benjamin Franklin

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright

Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does buy everything else.

It is better to be rich & miserable than poor & miserable.

My ancestors didn’t fight their way to the top of the food chain so I could be a vegetarian.

The fridge is a perfect example of what’s inside is what matters.

Submitted by: Anika

If I’m driving you crazy just remember to put on your seat belt.

Submitted by: Thomas

There’s nothing to fear. Except maybe that weird guy over there.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

If money doesn’t grow on trees why do bank have branches?

Submitted by: Jamyang Tenzin

If at first you don’t succeed, see what the loser gets.

Submitted by: Inspired

Come to think of it, when *isn’t* it a good idea to go limp and play dead???

Submitted by: John Alejandro King

If dreams really come true, what about nightmares.

Submitted by: Dyoung shall grow

Person 1: That lady looks really interesting.
Person 2: She looks like her daddy.

Submitted by: IAmunknown

I’m sorry, did that hurt? I thought that there was a gnat on your cheek.

Submitted by: IAmunknown

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