Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor
My mom has the most awesome daughter in the world!
Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
– Winston Churchill
There are two rules in life.
1. Never give out all of the information.
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
– Benjamin Franklin
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
– Steven Wright
Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does buy everything else.
It is better to be rich & miserable than poor & miserable.
My ancestors didn’t fight their way to the top of the food chain so I could be a vegetarian.
The fridge is a perfect example of what’s inside is what matters.
If I’m driving you crazy just remember to put on your seat belt.
There’s nothing to fear. Except maybe that weird guy over there.
If money doesn’t grow on trees why do bank have branches?
If at first you don’t succeed, see what the loser gets.
Come to think of it, when *isn’t* it a good idea to go limp and play dead???
If dreams really come true, what about nightmares.
Person 1: That lady looks really interesting.
Person 2: She looks like her daddy.
I’m sorry, did that hurt? I thought that there was a gnat on your cheek.