Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

When you have wit of your own, it’s a pleasure to credit other people for theirs.
Criss Jami

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.
Douglas Adams

It was raining cats and dogs and there were poodles in the street.

Submitted by: James Hepple

A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.

If you have nothing to be grateful for, check your pulse.

My mom has the most awesome daughter in the world!

Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
Winston Churchill

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There are two rules in life.
1. Never give out all of the information.

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
Benjamin Franklin

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright

Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does buy everything else.

It is better to be rich & miserable than poor & miserable.

My ancestors didn’t fight their way to the top of the food chain so I could be a vegetarian.

The fridge is a perfect example of what’s inside is what matters.

Submitted by: Anika
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If I’m driving you crazy just remember to put on your seat belt.

Submitted by: Thomas

There’s nothing to fear. Except maybe that weird guy over there.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

If money doesn’t grow on trees why do bank have branches?

Submitted by: Jamyang Tenzin

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