Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does buy everything else.

It is better to be rich & miserable than poor & miserable.

My ancestors didn’t fight their way to the top of the food chain so I could be a vegetarian.

The fridge is a perfect example of what’s inside is what matters.

Submitted by: Anika

If I’m driving you crazy just remember to put on your seat belt.

Submitted by: Thomas

There’s nothing to fear. Except maybe that weird guy over there.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

If money doesn’t grow on trees why do bank have branches?

Submitted by: Jamyang Tenzin

If at first you don’t succeed, see what the loser gets.

Submitted by: Inspired

Come to think of it, when *isn’t* it a good idea to go limp and play dead???

Submitted by: John Alejandro King

If dreams really come true, what about nightmares.

Submitted by: Dyoung shall grow
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Person 1: That lady looks really interesting.
Person 2: She looks like her daddy.

Submitted by: IAmunknown

I’m sorry, did that hurt? I thought that there was a gnat on your cheek.

Submitted by: IAmunknown

Understanding the single-line quote is like comprehending the bulky book with its title only and correctly.
– Anuj Somany

Submitted by: Anuj Somany

My kids seem to only listen to their music and not me; so I tried singing them their chores.

Submitted by: caesar

The squeaky wheel doesn’t always get the grease, sometimes it just gets replaced.

Submitted by: Patrick

Dear optimist, pessimist, and realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.

Sincerely, the opportunist.

Submitted by: Mark Cromo

That seems more of a your problem, than my problem!

Submitted by: AJ Johnson

Canada gave America Justin Bieber. America gave Canada the first nuclear wasteland.

Submitted by: Ali D.

Let’s agree that some days we are the pain and some days the a**!

Submitted by: succor146

I don’t judge God does. I’m the one who makes your appointment.

Submitted by: Cody

If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.

Submitted by: Philip Warph

Common sense is not so common.

Submitted by: A$$tastic

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