Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 2

42

For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

Submitted by: crazygenius
14

The problem with stealing quotes off the internet is you never know if they are genuine.
– Abraham Lincoln

Submitted by: Tool.Tech
7

Your ex asking if you can still be friends after a break- up is like a kidnapper telling you to keep in touch.

Submitted by: nisha
4

Politics is the second oldest profession on earth and it has a striking resemblance to the first.

Submitted by: Ray
11

The noblest of dogs is the Hot Dog, it feeds the hand that bites it.

Submitted by: Mika
6

You can’t be late until you show up.

8

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

46

If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.

Submitted by: Doreen Deramo
35

There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who can count… And those who can’t.

Submitted by: Willis Wilson
5

I can resist everything except temptation.
Oscar Wilde

12

There is a thin line between genius and insanity and I have erased it.

Submitted by: prixitsheel(chamba)
8

Raisins that look like chocolate chips is the reason why I have trust issues.

Submitted by: Emily
11

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Submitted by: kanurelly
41

Just when you thought the entire world has forgotten about you…a bill collector calls to remind you that they will never forget about you.

Submitted by: JPoet
6

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright

50

Energizer Bunny arrested — charged with battery.

Submitted by: Doreen Deramo
8

Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other.
– Honoré de Balzac

32

A beautiful night is when you hug your teddy and go to sleep, but a horror night is when your teddy hugs you back!!!! =)

Submitted by: Hira
9

The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.

8

Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.

Submitted by: KEVIN
4

Of course, it’s very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs.
– Joey Adams

48

You can’t spell families, without “lies”.

Submitted by: Dawn U loverly
29

An optimist is a person that falls off the empire state building and after 50 floor says so far so good!

Submitted by: azul
13

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?

Submitted by: Rose
7

I may never get out of this world alive but I’ll die trying.

Submitted by: Ross Fowler

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