Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 2
If at first you don’t succeed, …then skydiving is probably NOT for you.
If you have nothing to be grateful for, check your pulse.
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
I can resist everything except temptation.
– Oscar Wilde
There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who can count… And those who can’t.
Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
You can’t be late until you show up.
If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.
Common sense is not so common.
The noblest of dogs is the Hot Dog, it feeds the hand that bites it.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?
Just when you thought the entire world has forgotten about you…a bill collector calls to remind you that they will never forget about you.
A beautiful night is when you hug your teddy and go to sleep, but a horror night is when your teddy hugs you back!!!! =)
Raisins that look like chocolate chips is the reason why I have trust issues.
There is a thin line between genius and insanity and I have erased it.
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
Energizer Bunny arrested — charged with battery.
The problem with stealing quotes off the internet is you never know if they are genuine.
– Abraham Lincoln
I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
– Steven Wright
An optimist is a person that falls off the empire state building and after 50 floor says so far so good!
I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
You can’t spell families, without “lies”.
Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other.
– Honoré de Balzac
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.