Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 2

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If you have nothing to be grateful for, check your pulse.

Witty Quote: If you have nothing to be grateful...

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34

If at first you don’t succeed, …then skydiving is probably NOT for you.

Submitted by: tex
41

For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

Submitted by: crazygenius
3

I can resist everything except temptation.
Oscar Wilde

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The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Submitted by: kanurelly
32

There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who can count… And those who can’t.

Submitted by: Willis Wilson
2

Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.

6

You can’t be late until you show up.

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Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
Winston Churchill

Witty Quote: Tact is the ability to tell someone...

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45

If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.

Submitted by: Doreen Deramo
8

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

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There is a thin line between genius and insanity and I have erased it.

Submitted by: prixitsheel(chamba)
6

Common sense is not so common.

Submitted by: A$$tastic
4

Raisins that look like chocolate chips is the reason why I have trust issues.

Submitted by: Emily
11

The noblest of dogs is the Hot Dog, it feeds the hand that bites it.

Submitted by: Mika
40

Just when you thought the entire world has forgotten about you…a bill collector calls to remind you that they will never forget about you.

Submitted by: JPoet
11

The problem with stealing quotes off the internet is you never know if they are genuine.
– Abraham Lincoln

Submitted by: Tool.Tech
9

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?

Submitted by: Rose
49

Energizer Bunny arrested — charged with battery.

Submitted by: Doreen Deramo
30

A beautiful night is when you hug your teddy and go to sleep, but a horror night is when your teddy hugs you back!!!! =)

Submitted by: Hira
27

An optimist is a person that falls off the empire state building and after 50 floor says so far so good!

Submitted by: azul
8

Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other.
– Honoré de Balzac

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I may never get out of this world alive but I’ll die trying.

Submitted by: Ross Fowler
5

Your ex asking if you can still be friends after a break- up is like a kidnapper telling you to keep in touch.

Submitted by: nisha
47

You can’t spell families, without “lies”.

Submitted by: Dawn U loverly

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