Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 2
Politics is the second oldest profession on earth and it has a striking resemblance to the first.
If at first you don’t succeed, …then skydiving is probably NOT for you.
I can resist everything except temptation.
– Oscar Wilde
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
Common sense is not so common.
Raisins that look like chocolate chips is the reason why I have trust issues.
You can’t be late until you show up.
There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who can count… And those who can’t.
The problem with stealing quotes off the internet is you never know if they are genuine.
– Abraham Lincoln
If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.
The noblest of dogs is the Hot Dog, it feeds the hand that bites it.
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
Just when you thought the entire world has forgotten about you…a bill collector calls to remind you that they will never forget about you.
Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
– Winston Churchill
There is a thin line between genius and insanity and I have erased it.
A beautiful night is when you hug your teddy and go to sleep, but a horror night is when your teddy hugs you back!!!! =)
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
Your ex asking if you can still be friends after a break- up is like a kidnapper telling you to keep in touch.
I may never get out of this world alive but I’ll die trying.
Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other.
– Honoré de Balzac
Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.
Energizer Bunny arrested — charged with battery.
You can’t spell families, without “lies”.
I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?