Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 2

35

If at first you don’t succeed, …then skydiving is probably NOT for you.

Submitted by: tex
5

Raisins that look like chocolate chips is the reason why I have trust issues.

Submitted by: Emily
13

The problem with stealing quotes off the internet is you never know if they are genuine.
– Abraham Lincoln

Submitted by: Tool.Tech
42

For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

Submitted by: crazygenius
4

I can resist everything except temptation.
Oscar Wilde

6

You can’t be late until you show up.

11

The noblest of dogs is the Hot Dog, it feeds the hand that bites it.

Submitted by: Mika
7

Your ex asking if you can still be friends after a break- up is like a kidnapper telling you to keep in touch.

Submitted by: nisha
8

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

46

If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.

Submitted by: Doreen Deramo
35

There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who can count… And those who can’t.

Submitted by: Willis Wilson
11

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Submitted by: kanurelly
12

There is a thin line between genius and insanity and I have erased it.

Submitted by: prixitsheel(chamba)
41

Just when you thought the entire world has forgotten about you…a bill collector calls to remind you that they will never forget about you.

Submitted by: JPoet
6

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright

50

Energizer Bunny arrested — charged with battery.

Submitted by: Doreen Deramo
8

Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other.
– Honoré de Balzac

6

I may never get out of this world alive but I’ll die trying.

Submitted by: Ross Fowler
32

A beautiful night is when you hug your teddy and go to sleep, but a horror night is when your teddy hugs you back!!!! =)

Submitted by: Hira
3

Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.

11

Common sense is not so common.

Submitted by: A$$tastic
4

Of course, it’s very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs.
– Joey Adams

8

Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.

Submitted by: KEVIN
12

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?

Submitted by: Rose
48

You can’t spell families, without “lies”.

Submitted by: Dawn U loverly

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