Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 2
The problem with stealing quotes off the internet is you never know if they are genuine.
- Abraham Lincoln
You can’t be late until you show up.
There is a thin line between genius and insanity and I have erased it.
An optimist is a person that falls off the empire state building and after 50 floor says so far so good!
You can’t spell families, without “lies”.
Energizer Bunny arrested — charged with battery.
If money doesn’t grow on trees why do bank have branches?
The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other.
- Honoré de Balzac
Must Do: Make a to- do list
It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.
- Paul Newman
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?
I may never get out of this world alive but I’ll die trying.
The fridge is a perfect example of what’s inside is what matters.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.
I refuse to have a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent.
Don’t be so humble- you are not that great.
The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.
It isn’t homework unless it’s due tomorrow.
Of course, it’s very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs.
- Joey Adams
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
If at first you don’t succeed, pay someone else to do it for you.
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
- W. C. Fields
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
- Albert Einstein
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
When I get home at night I look up at the sky and talk to the stars pretending its you. It acts just like you though, very far away and never responds to anything I say.
I really need to stop procrastinating, I’ll start next week.
You never learn anything by doing it right.
Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.
- Oliver Goldsmith
Understanding the single-line quote is like comprehending the bulky book with its title only and correctly.
- Anuj Somany
I’m not opinionated. I’m just always right.
War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.
- Bertrand Russell
Procrastination? what does that word even mean anyways? Nevermind, I’ll look it up tomorrow
If dreams really come true, what about nightmares.
‘Expert’ – from the adjective *pert*, meaning ‘lively’ or ‘effective,’ and the prefix *ex- *, meaning ‘not.’ – John Alejandro King (from The Covert Comic)
What exactly does pedantic mean?
I once prayed to God for a car, but quickly found out he didn’t work that way…so I stole a car and prayed for his forgiveness.
Aerodynamically the Bumble B. Shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumble B. Doesn’t know it so it just keeps on flying anyway.
If I host a party with style, I’m I really hostile?
If two ants elope, are they antelopes?
If I keep standing outside, I’m I outstanding?
If I did not take a seat for a whole night, I’m I a one- night- stand?
He has a face like a Saint – A Saint Bernard.