Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 2
Dear optimist, pessimist, and realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
Sincerely, the opportunist.
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
I can resist everything except temptation.
- Oscar Wilde
Raisins that look like chocolate chips is the reason why I have trust issues.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
If money doesn’t grow on trees why do bank have branches?
There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who can count… And those who can’t.
I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
- Steven Wright
Common sense is not so common.
Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.
I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
Just when you thought the entire world has forgotten about you…a bill collector calls to remind you that they will never forget about you.
If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.
A beautiful night is when you hug your teddy and go to sleep, but a horror night is when your teddy hugs you back!!!! =)
There is a thin line between genius and insanity and I have erased it.
You can’t be late until you show up.
An optimist is a person that falls off the empire state building and after 50 floor says so far so good!
Energizer Bunny arrested — charged with battery.
The noblest of dogs is the Hot Dog, it feeds the hand that bites it.
The fridge is a perfect example of what’s inside is what matters.
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other.
- Honoré de Balzac
The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.
I may never get out of this world alive but I’ll die trying.
You can’t spell families, without “lies”.