Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 2

8

Dear optimist, pessimist, and realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.

Sincerely, the opportunist.

Submitted by: Mark Cromo
2

I can resist everything except temptation.
- Oscar Wilde

41

For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

Submitted by: crazygenius
8

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Submitted by: kanurelly
31

There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who can count… And those who can’t.

Submitted by: Willis Wilson
2

Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.

3

If money doesn’t grow on trees why do bank have branches?

Submitted by: Jamyang Tenzin
44

If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.

Submitted by: Doreen Deramo
25

I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

Submitted by: Sneaky
6

You can’t be late until you show up.

3

Raisins that look like chocolate chips is the reason why I have trust issues.

Submitted by: Emily
9

The problem with stealing quotes off the internet is you never know if they are genuine.
- Abraham Lincoln

Submitted by: Tool.Tech
3

Common sense is not so common.

Submitted by: A$$tastic
40

Just when you thought the entire world has forgotten about you…a bill collector calls to remind you that they will never forget about you.

Submitted by: JPoet
29

A beautiful night is when you hug your teddy and go to sleep, but a horror night is when your teddy hugs you back!!!! =)

Submitted by: Hira
11

The noblest of dogs is the Hot Dog, it feeds the hand that bites it.

Submitted by: Mika
49

Energizer Bunny arrested — charged with battery.

Submitted by: Doreen Deramo
9

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?

Submitted by: Rose
8

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

11

There is a thin line between genius and insanity and I have erased it.

Submitted by: prixitsheel(chamba)
2

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
- Steven Wright

27

An optimist is a person that falls off the empire state building and after 50 floor says so far so good!

Submitted by: azul
47

You can’t spell families, without “lies”.

Submitted by: Dawn U loverly
8

Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other.
- Honoré de Balzac

9

The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.


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