Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 2
129% of people exaggerate.
If at first you don’t succeed, …then skydiving is probably NOT for you.
I can resist everything except temptation.
– Oscar Wilde
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
Raisins that look like chocolate chips is the reason why I have trust issues.
The problem with stealing quotes off the internet is you never know if they are genuine.
– Abraham Lincoln
The noblest of dogs is the Hot Dog, it feeds the hand that bites it.
You can’t be late until you show up.
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who can count… And those who can’t.
Your ex asking if you can still be friends after a break- up is like a kidnapper telling you to keep in touch.
If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.
I may never get out of this world alive but I’ll die trying.
There is a thin line between genius and insanity and I have erased it.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
Just when you thought the entire world has forgotten about you…a bill collector calls to remind you that they will never forget about you.
Common sense is not so common.
A beautiful night is when you hug your teddy and go to sleep, but a horror night is when your teddy hugs you back!!!! =)
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
– Benjamin Franklin
Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other.
– Honoré de Balzac
Energizer Bunny arrested — charged with battery.
Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.
I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
You can’t spell families, without “lies”.
Of course, it’s very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs.
– Joey Adams