Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 2
129% of people exaggerate.
If at first you don’t succeed, …then skydiving is probably NOT for you.
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
I can resist everything except temptation.
– Oscar Wilde
Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
You can’t be late until you show up.
There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who can count… And those who can’t.
Raisins that look like chocolate chips is the reason why I have trust issues.
Common sense is not so common.
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.
The noblest of dogs is the Hot Dog, it feeds the hand that bites it.
Just when you thought the entire world has forgotten about you…a bill collector calls to remind you that they will never forget about you.
Your ex asking if you can still be friends after a break- up is like a kidnapper telling you to keep in touch.
The problem with stealing quotes off the internet is you never know if they are genuine.
– Abraham Lincoln
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.
Energizer Bunny arrested — charged with battery.
There is a thin line between genius and insanity and I have erased it.
A beautiful night is when you hug your teddy and go to sleep, but a horror night is when your teddy hugs you back!!!! =)
I may never get out of this world alive but I’ll die trying.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?
An optimist is a person that falls off the empire state building and after 50 floor says so far so good!
Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other.
– Honoré de Balzac
You can’t spell families, without “lies”.