Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 2
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
The problem with stealing quotes off the internet is you never know if they are genuine.
– Abraham Lincoln
Your ex asking if you can still be friends after a break- up is like a kidnapper telling you to keep in touch.
Politics is the second oldest profession on earth and it has a striking resemblance to the first.
The noblest of dogs is the Hot Dog, it feeds the hand that bites it.
You can’t be late until you show up.
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who can count… And those who can’t.
I can resist everything except temptation.
– Oscar Wilde
There is a thin line between genius and insanity and I have erased it.
Raisins that look like chocolate chips is the reason why I have trust issues.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
Just when you thought the entire world has forgotten about you…a bill collector calls to remind you that they will never forget about you.
I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
– Steven Wright
Energizer Bunny arrested — charged with battery.
Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other.
– Honoré de Balzac
A beautiful night is when you hug your teddy and go to sleep, but a horror night is when your teddy hugs you back!!!! =)
The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.
Of course, it’s very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs.
– Joey Adams
You can’t spell families, without “lies”.
An optimist is a person that falls off the empire state building and after 50 floor says so far so good!
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?
I may never get out of this world alive but I’ll die trying.