Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 2
If you have nothing to be grateful for, check your pulse.
If at first you don’t succeed, …then skydiving is probably NOT for you.
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
I can resist everything except temptation.
– Oscar Wilde
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who can count… And those who can’t.
Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.
You can’t be late until you show up.
Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
– Winston Churchill
If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
There is a thin line between genius and insanity and I have erased it.
Common sense is not so common.
Raisins that look like chocolate chips is the reason why I have trust issues.
The noblest of dogs is the Hot Dog, it feeds the hand that bites it.
Just when you thought the entire world has forgotten about you…a bill collector calls to remind you that they will never forget about you.
The problem with stealing quotes off the internet is you never know if they are genuine.
– Abraham Lincoln
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?
Energizer Bunny arrested — charged with battery.
A beautiful night is when you hug your teddy and go to sleep, but a horror night is when your teddy hugs you back!!!! =)
An optimist is a person that falls off the empire state building and after 50 floor says so far so good!
Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other.
– Honoré de Balzac
I may never get out of this world alive but I’ll die trying.
Your ex asking if you can still be friends after a break- up is like a kidnapper telling you to keep in touch.
You can’t spell families, without “lies”.