Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 3
A guy wants to get his girlfriend something nice for her birthday. She says, “oh, just take me somewhere expensive.”
so he drops her off at a gas station.
Last night I lay in my bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought; Where the heck is my ceiling?!
Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
– Winston Churchill
If money doesn’t grow on trees why do bank have branches?
Aerodynamically the Bumble B. Shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumble B. Doesn’t know it so it just keeps on flying anyway.
The noblest of dogs is the Hot Dog, it feeds the hand that bites it.
If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.
“saying you are right when you’re wrong only gives you the right to be wrong”
The fridge is a perfect example of what’s inside is what matters.
If you have nothing to be grateful for, check your pulse.
There are two rules in life.
1. Never give out all of the information.
There is a thin line between genius and insanity and I have erased it.
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
– Benjamin Franklin
Must Do: Make a to- do list
Newtons Law of Romance:
Love can neither be created nor be destroyed,
It can only be changed from one girl friend to another.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
If dreams really come true, what about nightmares.
Your ex asking if you can still be friends after a break- up is like a kidnapper telling you to keep in touch.
Save a tree, eat a beaver…
‘Expert’ – from the adjective *pert*, meaning ‘lively’ or ‘effective,’ and the prefix *ex- *, meaning ‘not.’ – John Alejandro King (from The Covert Comic)