Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

Indecision may or may not be my problem.
– Jimmy Buffett

Submitted by: Caitlin Malicki

There are two rules in life.
1. Never give out all of the information.

A guy wants to get his girlfriend something nice for her birthday. She says, “oh, just take me somewhere expensive.”
so he drops her off at a gas station.

Submitted by: crazygenius

I refuse to have a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent.
Don’t be so humble- you are not that great.

Submitted by: domino

Last night I lay in my bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought; Where the heck is my ceiling?!

Submitted by: admin

The noblest of dogs is the Hot Dog, it feeds the hand that bites it.

Submitted by: Mika

The fridge is a perfect example of what’s inside is what matters.

Submitted by: Anika

If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.

Submitted by: Shorty

“saying you are right when you’re wrong only gives you the right to be wrong”

Submitted by: maleena

There is a thin line between genius and insanity and I have erased it.

Submitted by: prixitsheel(chamba)
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If you have nothing to be grateful for, check your pulse.

Looks are only skin deep but ugly goes right to the bone.

Submitted by: Danielle

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
Benjamin Franklin

If dreams really come true, what about nightmares.

Submitted by: Dyoung shall grow

Your ex asking if you can still be friends after a break- up is like a kidnapper telling you to keep in touch.

Submitted by: nisha

Aerodynamically the Bumble B. Shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumble B. Doesn’t know it so it just keeps on flying anyway.

Submitted by: bob

Common sense is not so common.

Submitted by: A$$tastic

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.

My mom has the most awesome daughter in the world!

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