Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 3
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I or the others crazy?
- Albert Einstein
I’m not bossy I just know what you should be doing.
If your glass is half empty, get a smaller glass.
There is no such thing as lousy weather. Just lousy clothing.
Why do psychics ask your name?
45.65% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
I used to be indecisive but now I’m not too sure.
When life hands you lemons don’t be afraid to say “No thank you”.
It never rains on a dry day.
I’m not opinionated. I’m just always right.
So who cares if I have imaginary friends I like them better than you.
Top 10 reasons I procrastinate:
If I can be of any assistance don’t think twice about asking, actually don’t even think once about it.
I used to get lost in the shuffle, but now I just shuffle along with the lost.
I really need to stop procrastinating, I’ll start next week.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.
I would never jump in front of a bullet for someone..If I have time to jump they have time to move the hell out of the way.
I may never get out of this world alive but I’ll die trying.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?
Note to self: Don’t forget to write that note to yourself.
Politics is the second oldest profession on earth and it has a striking resemblance to the first.
I was once told I can do anything as long as I believe in myself.
I wanted to fly so I jumped off a building…. It didn’t work.
Me: Over 90% of the stuff on Wikipedia is fake.
Person: Really? Were did you hear that?
Me: I read it on Wikipedia.
My imaginary friend thinks YOU have problems…
You only need a parachute if you’re skydiving twice.