Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 3

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A guy wants to get his girlfriend something nice for her birthday. She says, “oh, just take me somewhere expensive.”
so he drops her off at a gas station.

Submitted by: crazygenius

Last night I lay in my bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought; Where the heck is my ceiling?!

Submitted by: admin

Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
Winston Churchill

Witty Quote: Tact is the ability to tell someone...

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If money doesn’t grow on trees why do bank have branches?

Submitted by: Jamyang Tenzin

Aerodynamically the Bumble B. Shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumble B. Doesn’t know it so it just keeps on flying anyway.

Submitted by: bob

The noblest of dogs is the Hot Dog, it feeds the hand that bites it.

Submitted by: Mika

If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.

Submitted by: Shorty

“saying you are right when you’re wrong only gives you the right to be wrong”

Submitted by: maleena

The fridge is a perfect example of what’s inside is what matters.

Submitted by: Anika

If you have nothing to be grateful for, check your pulse.

Witty Quote: If you have nothing to be grateful...

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There are two rules in life.
1. Never give out all of the information.

Witty Quote: There are two rules in life. 1....

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There is a thin line between genius and insanity and I have erased it.

Submitted by: prixitsheel(chamba)

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
Benjamin Franklin

Witty Quote: Three may keep a secret, if two...

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Must Do: Make a to- do list

Submitted by: D

Newtons Law of Romance:
Love can neither be created nor be destroyed,
It can only be changed from one girl friend to another.

Submitted by: ice cream

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Submitted by: kanurelly

If dreams really come true, what about nightmares.

Submitted by: Dyoung shall grow

Your ex asking if you can still be friends after a break- up is like a kidnapper telling you to keep in touch.

Submitted by: nisha

Save a tree, eat a beaver…

Submitted by: tom

‘Expert’ – from the adjective *pert*, meaning ‘lively’ or ‘effective,’ and the prefix *ex- *, meaning ‘not.’ – John Alejandro King (from The Covert Comic)

Submitted by: Olga

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