Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor
The problem with stealing quotes off the internet is you never know if they are genuine.
– Abraham Lincoln
If I’m driving you crazy just remember to put on your seat belt.
I would never jump in front of a bullet for someone..If I have time to jump they have time to move the hell out of the way.
We have fought for our freedom, then we begin to accumulate laws to take it away from ourself.
If at first you don’t succeed, pay someone else to do it for you.
An optimist is a person that falls off the empire state building and after 50 floor says so far so good!
When I get home at night I look up at the sky and talk to the stars pretending its you. It acts just like you though, very far away and never responds to anything I say.
When people ask me with a judging undertone just why it is i’m talking to myself, I answer them: “At least, this way, i’m sure that i’m talking to someone as intelligent as myself, which is as hard to find as a decent answer to that ridiculous question.”
Indecision may or may not be my problem.
– Jimmy Buffett
I refuse to have a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent.
Don’t be so humble- you are not that great.
Last night I lay in my bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought; Where the heck is my ceiling?!
A guy wants to get his girlfriend something nice for her birthday. She says, “oh, just take me somewhere expensive.”
so he drops her off at a gas station.
Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
– Winston Churchill
If money doesn’t grow on trees why do bank have branches?
There are two rules in life.
1. Never give out all of the information.