Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor
Indecision may or may not be my problem.
– Jimmy Buffett
There are two rules in life.
1. Never give out all of the information.
A guy wants to get his girlfriend something nice for her birthday. She says, “oh, just take me somewhere expensive.”
so he drops her off at a gas station.
I refuse to have a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent.
Don’t be so humble- you are not that great.
Last night I lay in my bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought; Where the heck is my ceiling?!
The noblest of dogs is the Hot Dog, it feeds the hand that bites it.
The fridge is a perfect example of what’s inside is what matters.
If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.
“saying you are right when you’re wrong only gives you the right to be wrong”
There is a thin line between genius and insanity and I have erased it.
If you have nothing to be grateful for, check your pulse.
Looks are only skin deep but ugly goes right to the bone.
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
– Benjamin Franklin
If dreams really come true, what about nightmares.
Your ex asking if you can still be friends after a break- up is like a kidnapper telling you to keep in touch.
Aerodynamically the Bumble B. Shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumble B. Doesn’t know it so it just keeps on flying anyway.
Common sense is not so common.
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.
My mom has the most awesome daughter in the world!