Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 3

8

If your glass is half empty, get a smaller glass.

Submitted by: Erik
11

There is no such thing as lousy weather. Just lousy clothing.

Submitted by: victor
12

Why do psychics ask your name?

Submitted by: Juddy
18

45.65% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Submitted by: Juddy
11

I used to be indecisive but now I’m not too sure.

Submitted by: quulkid
10

When life hands you lemons don’t be afraid to say “No thank you”.

Submitted by: Ashley Abrahams
19

It never rains on a dry day.

Submitted by: Tom
7

I’m not opinionated. I’m just always right.

Submitted by: Tom
7

So who cares if I have imaginary friends I like them better than you.

Submitted by: M.M.G
11

Top 10 reasons I procrastinate:
10.

Submitted by: joseph
7

If I can be of any assistance don’t think twice about asking, actually don’t even think once about it.

Submitted by: KJ
10

I used to get lost in the shuffle, but now I just shuffle along with the lost.

Submitted by: roger garrett
9

I really need to stop procrastinating, I’ll start next week.

Submitted by: Moe
7

Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.

Submitted by: KEVIN
7

I would never jump in front of a bullet for someone..If I have time to jump they have time to move the hell out of the way.

Submitted by: domonique
5

I may never get out of this world alive but I’ll die trying.

Submitted by: Ross Fowler
9

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?

Submitted by: Rose
15

Note to self: Don’t forget to write that note to yourself.

Submitted by: Mark Simmons II
1

Politics is the second oldest profession on earth and it has a striking resemblance to the first.

Submitted by: Ray
27

I was once told I can do anything as long as I believe in myself.
I wanted to fly so I jumped off a building…. It didn’t work.

Submitted by: H.E.T
15

Me: Over 90% of the stuff on Wikipedia is fake.
Person: Really? Were did you hear that?
Me: I read it on Wikipedia.

Submitted by: H.E.T
11

My imaginary friend thinks YOU have problems…

Submitted by: Torii :)
11

You only need a parachute if you’re skydiving twice.

Submitted by: Geraldine
11

The noblest of dogs is the Hot Dog, it feeds the hand that bites it.

Submitted by: Mika
9

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Submitted by: kanurelly
24

The other day at radio shack a manager was giving out dead batteries FREE OF CHARGE.

Submitted by: Ali
16

3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier’s face: Priceless!

Submitted by: angiela
10

There is nothing more annoying than two people talking while you’re trying to interrupt.

Submitted by: Rebecca
11

There is a thin line between genius and insanity and I have erased it.

Submitted by: prixitsheel(chamba)
16

What exactly does pedantic mean?

Submitted by: Happy spud

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