Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

If I’m driving you crazy just remember to put on your seat belt.

Submitted by: Thomas

The problem with stealing quotes off the internet is you never know if they are genuine.
– Abraham Lincoln

Submitted by: Tool.Tech

I would never jump in front of a bullet for someone..If I have time to jump they have time to move the hell out of the way.

Submitted by: domonique

We have fought for our freedom, then we begin to accumulate laws to take it away from ourself.

Submitted by: Mocca, William

An optimist is a person that falls off the empire state building and after 50 floor says so far so good!

Submitted by: azul

If at first you don’t succeed, pay someone else to do it for you.

Submitted by: chris cropp

When people ask me with a judging undertone just why it is i’m talking to myself, I answer them: “At least, this way, i’m sure that i’m talking to someone as intelligent as myself, which is as hard to find as a decent answer to that ridiculous question.”

Submitted by: Sin

When I get home at night I look up at the sky and talk to the stars pretending its you. It acts just like you though, very far away and never responds to anything I say.

Submitted by: Marie

I refuse to have a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent.
Don’t be so humble- you are not that great.

Submitted by: domino

Indecision may or may not be my problem.
– Jimmy Buffett

Submitted by: Caitlin Malicki

A guy wants to get his girlfriend something nice for her birthday. She says, “oh, just take me somewhere expensive.”
so he drops her off at a gas station.

Submitted by: crazygenius

Last night I lay in my bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought; Where the heck is my ceiling?!

Submitted by: admin

Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
Winston Churchill

If money doesn’t grow on trees why do bank have branches?

Submitted by: Jamyang Tenzin

There are two rules in life.
1. Never give out all of the information.

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